


take my hand

by Mongo00



Series: take my hand [1]
Category: All Time Low (Band), Fall Out Boy, Imagine Dragons (Band), Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ATL is the only established band but they're really small, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Psych Ward, Self-Harm, Stuttering, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, patient!tyler, therapist!josh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-02-26 09:04:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 40,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13232493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mongo00/pseuds/Mongo00
Summary: “Josh!” yells Patrick, his boss, from across the hall.“Yeah?” Josh replies.“We have a patient being transferred here. He’s a bit of a challenge and his old hospital thought you’d be the only person who could handle him. I put his profile on your desk. Look it over and tell me what you think?” Patrick rushes out, now panting from his lack of breath.“Can do ‘trick. Anything else?”“No, but please. I’m warning you Josh. This one is a special one. Think twice before saying yes.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story (sorry if it's not that great). Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
> 
> Happy new year and I hope y'all enjoy! :)
> 
> Disclaimer: I'm not a health profesional, just a girl with google and problems. Let me know if anything is wrong, and I'll change it. With that in mind, please remember that this is fictional.

“Josh!” yells Patrick, his boss, from across the hall.

“Yeah?” Josh replies.

“We have a patient being transferred here. He’s a bit of a challenge and his old hospital thought you’d be the only person who could handle him. I put his profile on your desk. Look it over and tell me what you think?” Patrick rushes out, now panting from his lack of breath.

“Can do ‘trick. Anything else?” 

“No, but please. I’m warning you Josh. This one is a special one. Think twice before saying yes.”

_____

Josh walks into his office and collapses in his chair. 

It was a long day. Sure, being a therapist and carer was rewarding and Josh wouldn’t do anything else, but it got pretty overwhelming at times. Working in an adolescent psychiatric ward, after all, wasn’t a job for the faint hearted. 

He rubs his face and takes a deep breath. Josh glances next to him and there it was, the new patient’s profile. 'How bad could he be?' Josh thinks.

The front of the manila folder wrote:  
Name: Tyler Robert Joseph  
Age: 17  
Year admitted: 2013

Josh flips the front cover open and begins reading the patient summary.

Diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder  
Unique Characteristics: Shy, mute? (probable speech impairment), scared of sudden movements, scared of new people, scared of people, scared of new surroundings, scared of loud noises, scared of noises, extremely sensitive (mentally), isolation  
Warnings: Aggressive at times, sensitive, non-cooperative, self harms, suicidal  
Medication: Prozac

Behind that page are pages and pages of Tyler’s medical records. Everything from biological information to therapy notes. To say Josh takes interest in Tyler’s portfolio is an understatement. 

Josh spends the night at the hospital intrigued at the papers scattered on his desk. By the late morning hours, Josh has read every paper in the three inch stack, front to back. By the looks of it, everyone had given up on Tyler. No progress or even changes have been made for the last year. Josh wasn’t going to be one of those people. By now, he had his heart set on helping Tyler one way or another.  
_____

As Josh finishes up his breakfast that consists of a muffin and black coffee, he calls Patrick through their radios. A couple minutes later, an exhausted Patrick stumbles into his door. 

“Please tell me this is important.” Patrick groans. A moment of realization hits his face and Patrick becomes as lively as ever: “Oh my god, Tyler!!! This is about Tyler!!”

“Bingo!” Josh says as he jumps up from his chair. “I want to take him on Patrick.”

Patrick narrows his eyes as he asks “Are you sure Josh? I’m serious.”

“I’m serious too!! Yes, I’m sure” 

“Okay then, he’s coming tomorrow. Be ready” Patrick says as he’s walking out of Josh’s office.

_____

Josh finishes his morning rounds, checking up on his current patients. He currently has four, but two of them are being released later today. The other two that are staying will be co-assigned to another therapist in addition to Josh because the hospital wants Josh to focus on Tyler more than anything.

After two years of working in this hospital, Josh has gained an amazing reputation. Most people refer to him as a miracle worker for being able to open up and help those who others failed to. Josh doesn’t think of himself as such. He just claims that you have to understand the patient personally before doing anything. Apparently, Josh makes it look a lot easier than it really is. 

Just as Josh is leaving his office to pick up some lunch, he hears screaming from the floor below him. Curious, Josh turns around and jogs down the stairs. He opens the pair of doors leading to reception of the psychiatric ward and the scene that folds out in front of him is anything but calm. 

There are doctors running while screaming, nurses shoving people out of the room, and last but not least, a boy in a plain white t-shirt and black jeans sitting in the middle of the floor crying uncontrollably. The boy is gasping for air while a stream of tears run down his cheeks. Of course, the therapist in Josh takes over before he can even register. In a split second, Josh is sitting on the floor next to the boy trying to get him to calm down. The next thing he registers is that he’s being pulled away from the boy. His ears are being screamed at and all he can recognize are words such as “dangerous,” “away,” and “doctors.” Once Josh is awoken from his daze, he sees a doctor stabbing a needle into the boy’s arm. A moment later, the boy goes limp. 

Josh is in shock. Complete and utter shock. That did not just happen. It couldn’t of happened. The room is already beginning to clear out and Josh makes out a figure walking towards him as Patrick. 

What comes out of his mouth next is something Josh didn’t even know he was saying: “WHAT THE FUCK?!?! WHAT. THE. FUCK. YOU GUYS SEDATED HIM FOR HAVING A PANIC ATTACK?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS???” 

Patrick stills his movement and his eyes blow up in shock. He takes a moment to catch his breath before saying: “Josh. Calm. Until Tyler is officially checked in, he is still in the other hospital’s care. We have no say in what happens to him until he is classified under our care.”

Josh just stared at Patrick flabbergasted. That was Tyler. The helpless boy having a panic attack on the floor was Tyler. The boy that got sedated for nothing was Tyler. 

“Josh. Hello?” Patrick says as he waves his hand in front of Josh’s spaced out face.

Josh shakes his head. “What? Yeah?” 

“Tyler just got checked in. He’s being wheeled to his room now. Room 302. He should wake up soon and I need you to be in there when he does. You were the only person he didn’t shove away when you got near him” 

“Oh. Kay. Okay, yeah. I’ll-I’ll walk up there now” Josh manages to stutter out.

Josh takes a moment to pause on the floor before his feet take him back upstairs on autopilot. 

_____

Josh knows the room 302. It was the room that was closest to all the doctors. It was the room reserved for the most troubled patients. It was the room that was the closest to his office and the room that was the furthest from the entrance. 

Before he can think anymore, his feet take him into the room and sit him on the chair closest to the boy. Josh sat there taking in the 17 year old boy. The first thing he noticed was that Tyler was skinny. Almost too skinny. The next thing he noticed was that Tyler had huge, dark circles around his eyes. His chestnut brown hair was sticking out all over the place and he had scratches everywhere. His thoughts were immediately interrupted by the boy on the bed promptly opening his eyes, locking sight of Josh, and screaming while scrambling away from the older man.

Josh immediately stands up and shuffles away from the frightened boy. Josh raises his hands as a sign of peace as his mind searches for words. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. It’s okay. Breathe. Just breathe, everything is going to be okay.” Josh rushes out. 

The boy simply stares at him. His breathing somewhat regulating but his eyes not letting up. His eyes are digging into josh’s soul, searching for something. He still stands in the corner of the room while Josh takes a seat in the chair closest to the door. 

“Well hey there. My name is Josh and I’m here to help you. I mean no harm bud.” Josh reassures the younger. Realizing that Tyler is still standing in the corner shaking, josh suggests that he sits on the bed. Tyler looks at him wide-eyed and that cues josh to once again reassure the boy that he won’t hurt him. Tyler slowly inches near the bed and takes a seat on the side furthest from Josh.

Josh realizes that that wasn’t an easy feat for the boy so he provides: “Good job! I know it’s scary, but I’m really proud of you for doing that.”

Josh could sense Tyler’s uneasiness and fear. It broke his heart knowing that something hurt Tyler this bad to the point where he couldn’t feel comfortable around people, knowing that Tyler couldn’t trust people. 

At this point, Josh decides to introduce himself: “So yeah. My name is Josh, but my full name is Joshua William Dun. I’m 24 years old and I work here as a therapist and carer. Not your normal therapist though. Not the ones who just ask how you feel and all that nonsense. I’m here to help you. To be there for you. Anywho, I love being outside. I hike, bike, and run. I’d say that I’m pretty active. I have 3 siblings: 1 brother and 2 sisters. I grew up in Ohio, but I like it here in LA much better. That's pretty much it. Oh! I also have a love-hate relationship with coffee.”

Josh swears that he saw Tyler’s lip tug up into a slight smile at that last sentence, but of course, he can’t be too sure. It was around dinner time now so he told Tyler that he’d go grab some food and head right back to the room. 

With that, Josh heads to the nurse’s station to pick up Tyler’s pre-planned meal. It was simple, almost too simple. On the tray, there was one roasted chicken breast laying on a bed of white rice with steamed broccoli and a cup of water. 

Without overthinking the meal, Josh heads back to Tyler’s room. The minute he walks in, he sees Tyler curled up in the corner of the room crying. He’s clutching his hair and squeezing his eyes shut. He’s shaking yet again. 

Josh immediately drops the tray full of food on the side table and carefully approaches the crying boy. He manages to sit right beside Tyler and decides to just sit there. Josh has learned over the years that sometimes just letting someone know that you’re there for them means more than words, so Josh plans on doing just that. 

After a good twenty minutes, Tyler’s cries have subsided and all that was left was faint whimpering. 

“Everything okay?” Josh asks as he looks over his shoulder.

Tyler just nods slightly and begins to crawl back into his bed. Josh takes the message and walks over the tray of food. He wheels the table closer to Tyler and asks him if he wants him to stay. Josh could see the contradiction happening in Tyler’s head. After ten seconds, Tyler looks up and slowly shakes his head. With that, Josh says bye to Tyler and clocks out for the day. 

'This is an interesting one,' Josh thinks on his way home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this fic so far! I really appreciate it. Things will start to pick up next chapter. Just fyi.

Josh couldn’t stop thinking about Tyler all night. It was one way to start the week, that’s for sure. Josh laid in bed tossing and turning wondering how he could understand Tyler. Wondering how he could connect with Tyler. Wondering how he could help Tyler. 

Josh didn’t sleep all night; in fact, he was working all night. He stayed up planning how he could possibly interact with Tyler. He wanted to get through to Tyler in the best way he could. He needed Tyler to trust him; he needed tyler to know that he cared. 

Not before long, it was 6am and Josh needed to get ready for work once again. Josh got dressed in record time and ended up getting to the hospital 30 minutes early. He decided to stop by Tyler’s room to see how he was doing when he ran into Brendon, another nurse, in the hallway. 

“Dude! What’s the happs?” Brendon chirps.

“Um nothing?” 

“Liar! You got assigned that Tyler kid didn’t you? How is he? Is he as crazy as people say?!” 

“Okay, chill. First of all, he’s not crazy. Second of all, he’s fine. People just need to give him a chance, he’s a sweet kid. Now, I’m actually going to check up on him now so if you’ll excuse me…” Josh says pushing Brendon aside.

“Fine! You better update me later though!!” Brendon yells from afar. 

Josh chuckles and shakes his head as he walks to the end of the hallway with Tyler’s meds in hand. As he walks up the familiar door, he does his signature knock and walks in. He was promptly greeted with a pillow being thrown at his head.

“Woah there buddy.” Josh chuckles.

Josh looks at the bed, and without surprise, found it empty. By instinct, Josh glances at the corner of the room and there sat Tyler. He had a tear streaked face while all of his blankets were on the floor. Josh saw Tyler relax just slightly at his presence.

“Hey bud, can you do me a huge favor and climb back onto that bed of yours?” 

He saw Tyler’s contradiction. After a few seconds, Tyler scrambled onto the bed while almost instinctively pulling up all of the blankets to cover himself. While Tyler settles himself on the bed, Josh takes the seat closest to the bed once again.

“Rough morning?” 

Tyler nods, drawing in a deep breath. Tyler was tired and Josh could see it. 

“You can sleep now if you want. Let’s just take your meds first and then you can doze off, yeah?” 

Josh already sees Tyler starting to sleep so he hands him a cup containing water and another containing his meds. Tyler quickly takes them and falls asleep within seconds. To any other person, this act would be looked upon as harmless and sweet, but Josh knows better. Of course Josh knows better. Josh knows by the way that Tyler’s eyes look at him and the way his body moves ever so slowly and weakly that Tyler not only didn’t sleep, but that something happened and Josh is going to find out what happened. 

Josh exits the room and takes a walk down to the doctors’ station to find Patrick. 

“Patrick!”

“Josh, shhhh. It’s early.”

“What happened to Tyler last night?! Did you do something to him?!” Josh basically screams.

Patrick’s face writhes with pain. “Dude! I told you, it’s early. Please, for goodness sakes keep it down. It’s been a rough night.” He pauses then continues. “...and yes. It had something to do with Tyler.”

“Well?!?! What is it?!” Josh urges.

“Shut up Dun! I mean it.” Patrick retorts. Josh stays silent, miming himself zipping his mouth shut.

“I stayed late last night trying to finish some paperwork for another patient when Dan, the main doctor for the adult psychiatric ward, came bursting into my office near 2am. I assume he was wrapping up some work too. He kept rambling nonsense words and once he calmed down a bit, he told me that a couple of our nurses were trying to get Tyler into his bedtime routine for hours. He told me that Tyler would just sit at the window sill, looking out into the forest surrounding us. At times, he would grip his head and squeeze his eyes shut.” Patrick pauses to think. “...almost as if he was trying to block out some invading voice in his head. Anyways, he stayed like that for the whole night. The nurses gave up after Tyler started throwing things at them and screaming. I was the only one left in the wing. I couldn’t even enter his room without getting a pillow thrown to the head and a very loud scream piercing through the hall. We both had a rough night.” 

After getting over the initial shock, Josh went silent. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“Like you could’ve done anything. Josh, I know you’re one of our best staff members, but it’s not like you guys have some crazy strong bond already. No one can get to him. That’s the very reason why his old hospital sent him here. We’re his last resort Josh.”

“Patrick, that’s where you’re wrong. No, I haven’t gotten Tyler to talk yet. No, we don’t have some crazy strong bond yet. But. But, Patrick, he trusts me.” Josh urges.

Patrick just stares at Josh, almost suggesting that Josh himself was out of his mind. Not letting Patrick think any further, Josh grabs Patrick’s arm and drags him down to Tyler’s door. 

“Take a look inside Stump.” Josh says while pointing to the door.

Patrick carefully steps near the door, resting his hand on the handle. With a cautious look on his face, he turns the handle and braces to catch something being thrown at him. When nothing comes whirling his way, he opens his eyes and sees Tyler, somewhat peacefully, sleeping in bed. In shock, Patrick carefully closes the door and stands in disbelief.

“You got him to sleep.” Patrick states in a whisper.

“Yeah and I think I can do more, Patrick. I want to help him and I have some ideas. I just need to build more trust and get through to him. I care about him. A lot.”

“I believe it Josh. Geez, you really are a miracle worker. Here. Why don’t I transfer your other two patients to someone else and you just focus on Tyler? I think you’re his only hope.”

All Josh manages to do is nod. This is what he wanted. He knows it will be a lot of work, but he is willing to put all of his effort in for Tyler. Of course he is.

_____

After spending a couple hours filling out paperwork, Josh gets a message through the radio saying that Tyler is awake. It's around lunch time so Josh stops by the nurse station once again to pick up Tyler’s lunch. It's simple: a cup of chicken soup with some bread on the side and roasted veggies. He takes the two minute walk to Tyler’s room and knocks his signature knock. He hears a grunt in response and slowly walks in. 

He's greeted with a freshly awoken Tyler laying on the bed, covers pulled to his chin.

“Hey Ty! I got your lunch for the day.” Josh says as he sets the tray down on the table, taking his normal seat. He could tell Tyler was hungry, but Tyler wasn’t grabbing for the food. Tyler actually wasn’t moving at all, just constantly darting his eyes back and forth. Josh’s memory enables and he remembers that Tyler wanted to eat alone yesterday. 

“Do you want me to leave while you eat?” Josh asks, earning a slight nod from Tyler in response. “Okie dokie, I’ll be back in 30 minutes.” With that, Josh leaves the room.

_____

Josh spends the rest of the 30 minutes connecting Tyler’s behavior to his medical records. With a good amount of experience from being a mental health professional for years, Josh was able to predict the reasoning behind certain behaviors. Josh assumes that the simple food was due to Tyler’s high functioning anxiety, not being able to consume unfamiliar foods without triggering a panic attack. He also assumes that Tyler wanting to eat alone was due to some fear that Josh might leave him if he sees how Tyler eats. An interesting theory, but not a unique one in terms of anxiety and depression. Lastly, he connected that Tyler’s instinct to shield himself from other people in anyway possible is the result of some kind of past abuse (something that was briefly mentioned in Tyler’s medical records).

Anxiety and depression are debilitating. Fear runs your life. Josh would know, he has dealt with his fair share of anxiety and depression. That’s the sole reason why he became a therapist and carer for psychiatric patients. He used to be one of them. Someone in his current job helped him through it. He wanted to be that someone for someone else. Simple as that. 

_____

Josh finds himself walking back to Tyler’s room after 29 minutes have past. He knows from experience that being punctual was a necessity for those with high functioning anxiety. He waits outside of Tyler’s door for a couple seconds, waiting for the minute hand on his watch to tick before knocking his signature knock that consisted of 3 short, consistent knocks. Josh also knows that routine is another necessity for those with anxiety. That’s the main reason behind his signature knock. It lets the patient inside know who is outside the door instantly. Once Josh hears a hum, he opens the door and steps into the room.

He finds Tyler sitting upright in his bed with the tray of food cleanly eaten. Josh grabs the empty tray and begins to walk out of the room when he hears, almost silent, sobbing. Josh instantly turns around and drops the tray of food back on the table while taking a seat in his seat.

“Hey, hey, hey. Bud, it’s okay. I won’t leave, okay? I’ll stay, it’s okay.” Josh says as he places his hand on the edge of the bed, allowing Tyler to take his hand if desired. Within a split second, Josh sees Tyler’s shaky hand moving towards his own. Once their fingers intertwined, Josh helps ground Tyler through some breathing exercises. After 15 minutes, Tyler’s breath stabilizes and his tears stop flowing.

“Ty, I won’t leave unless you want me to, okay? I’m here for you and I’ll always be.”

Josh sees Tyler nod his head while sniffling. Their eyes lock and Tyler’s mouth quivers. It looks like Tyler wants to say something, but he’s scared.

“Ty, if you want to say something, take your time. You have all the time you need.” Josh reassures the younger.

Tyler takes a deep breath and begins to open his mouth.

“...S...Ssss…” Tyler stutters out, immediately bursting into tears. Josh squeezes his hand tighter. 

“Tyler, it’s okay. You’re doing so good. So good. Can you try one more time for me? Please?”

Tyler takes another deep breath in and continues.

“Sss...Ss-or-ryy-y.” Tyler says with tears streaming down his face.

“Ty, there’s nothing to be sorry about. I’m so so so proud of you bud. So proud. You did amazing. I know that wasn’t easy and I’m so proud of you for speaking. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all, okay?” Josh rushes out. A couple seconds later, he sees Tyler nod. 

Josh sits next to Tyler, hands still intertwined as the younger leans his head back on the pillow and dozes off once again. After five minutes, Josh carefully unwinds their hands and steps out of the room. His feet automatically take him to his office. Once inside, he takes a seat and begins shuffling through the pile of Tyler’s papers searching for the last verbal interaction Tyler had. To his surprise, Josh didn’t find a single documented occasion of Tyler speaking ever since he was admitted five years ago. 

Josh decided to begin typing up today’s report while he had some time:  
Patient shows fear of being alone/people leaving. Patient did not sleep for the previous night. Reported being seen staring out the window. Patient also showed slight aggression to those who tried to enter the room. Around 12:30pm, patient felt comfortable with human contact. Around 1pm, patient spoke verbally for the first time in five years. 

With that, Josh closed his laptop and headed to the adult ward to connect with Dan to learn more about last night. As he was rounding the corner that connected the adolescent ward to the adult one, he heard Dan call out his name. Josh turned around and saw Dan jogging towards him.

“Josh! Just the guy I wanted to see.” 

“Hey Dan! I actually came over here to talk to you too. Hopefully you could give me some more insight into what happened last night?”

“Oh yeah, sure. Since Patrick was on a conference call, a couple nurses came into my office asking me to help them out with an uncooperative patient. When I walked in, I saw Tyler sitting near the window, just staring outside of it. I tried to talk him into getting in his bed, but it seemed like he couldn’t hear me. He just blocked out the world. After some time, he began grabbing onto his hair, almost tugging it. He would just clench his eyes shut, still unresponsive to any of us. A nurse tried to grab his arm, but he yanked his arm away and ran into the corner. He started throwing everything possible at anyone who would try to get close to him. That’s when I sent all of our nurses home, knowing that sometimes patients just wanted to be alone. At this point, I ran down to Patrick’s office and told him everything. Patrick and I decided to check in on Tyler every 15 minutes to make sure he was safe. We did this for the whole night and during every check in, we would either get yelled at or get something thrown at us. That’s the story until you got here.”

“Wow, okay. Thanks Dan.” Josh says, trying to absorb all of the information he just received. 

“Yeah, anytime. I gotta get going now, but let me know if I can help you out with anything else!” Dan says while walking further down the adult hallway.

With that, Josh began heading back down the adolescent hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! Again, things will pick up pretty fast in the next chapter and as always, feedback is greatly appreciated! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, things really do start to pick up in this chapter. That being said, triggers will be prevalent starting from this chapter and continuing through the rest of the story. Please look over the tags and read carefully <3

Just as Josh is heading back to his office, he hears a loud bang come from Tyler’s room. Without hesitation, Josh knocks on Tyler’s door and without waiting for a response, enters. His eyes search the bed and corner first but he can’t find Tyler. Josh then hears sobs coming from the bathroom. Josh nears the bathroom, knocked again, and opens the door. He finds Tyler curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor, crying and shaking. There is a vase shattered on the floor, but that's besides the point. Tyler’s breath is uneven and Josh could sense panic attacks as his second nature by now. Josh brings himself next to Tyler and sits beside him. Josh offers his hand to Tyler, and Tyler takes it almost immediately. 

“Ty, you’re okay. You’re doing so well, breathe with me. In, out, in, out, in, out, in, out. That’s it bud! You’re doing great. Try to breathe on your own now. Good! Good Ty, good. Nice and easy. There you go.” 

Josh continued to reassure Tyler for five more minutes until Tyler was able to breathe on his own. They sat there on the bathroom floor for 10 more minutes. Once the tears streaming down Tyler’s face subsided, Josh was able to transfer Tyler to the bed and himself to the chair. 

“Ty, wanna tell me what happened?” 

“I-I ca-annn-nt-t-t-t do-o a-a-an-y-th-ggg rr-i-te.”

“What are you talking about Ty? You’re doing so many things right. For one, you’re talking to me! Do you know how big of a step that is? I’m so so proud of you for that. Secondly, you’re holding my hand as we speak! Ty, I know how hard that is for you and I know how much strength that took for you. You’re doing so many things right and I’m so proud of you, okay?”

“O-oo-kay-y.”

From that moment on, Josh put on Spongebob (because who doesn’t like Spongebob) and Tyler is laying in the bed watching the episode playing. In the meantime, Josh goes back into the bathroom to clean up the broken vase. When Josh is done and leaves the bathroom, Tyler begins apologizing profusely. Josh just assures him that it is okay and later has to tell Tyler to stop apologizing because there’s nothing to be apologizing for.

Once Josh threw away the bag a shattered glass, he took a seat in the chair that he’d refer to as his by now. Josh turned his attention to the tv, laughing at one of his most favorite episodes. 

“Ha-an-n-d?” Tyler says reaching out a shaky palm to Josh.

“What? Oh! Sure! Yeah, for sure Ty.” Josh stumbles out while attaching their hands.

The two boys sat like that for 20 minutes until Josh sees something out of the corner of his eye. He redirects his attention to Tyler and then sees Tyler clenching his eyes shut. Tyler begins squeezing Josh’s hand with such an unknown, yet powerful, force. 

“Ty? Ty what’s wrong?!” 

“Shh-hh. Ahh-ahhh.” Tyler manages while a stream of tears begin to flow down his left cheek. 

By now, Josh is standing from his chair, practically on the bed, trying to get Tyler to calm down. Josh remembers reading something in Tyler’s profile about a voice in Tyler’s head that is described as the root of his depression. Blurryface. Apparently, Blurryface is something Tyler came up with to put a name to all of the ‘better off dead’ thoughts. Tyler shared this before he even got admitted into any facility. Before he went mute.

“Tyler. Hey Tyler, listen to my voice, okay? Not Blurry’s. Blurry’s voice doesn’t matter, his voice never matters. You’re not better off dead and I’m not going to leave you.” Josh says, knowing that those are the two most rooted fears/thoughts behind depression. “I’m never going to leave you.” 

Tyler quickly is able to calm himself down, something that leaves Josh beyond impressed to say the least. After five minutes, Josh’s eyes were met with Tyler’s. 

“You’re okay.” Josh says while smiling. “You’re okay.”

_____

-3 hours later-

“Hey Ty? I gotta go home now. I’m sorry, but if you ever need me, tell one of the staff members and I’ll be here before you know it.”

“K-k-ay.”

With that, Josh left the room and went to his office to tidy up for tomorrow. When he finished completing Tyler’s daily report, he said goodbye to his co-workers and was on the way home. 

Josh lived with his dog Jim (he thought the name was pretty clever) in an apartment in downtown LA. His apartment was a 10 minute drive from the hospital and was super close to his friends. He loved it there.

Exhausted, Josh climbed straight into bed that night when he got home, falling asleep in record timing. Josh was soundly asleep when a blaring ringtone rang through his room. Without looking at the caller I.D., Josh picked it up, seeing the clock beside his bed display 3:24am. 

“Hullo?” Josh says groggily.

“Josh! JOSH! We need you here right now!!” Josh hears Dallon, one of the night nurses, screaming into his ear. Suddenly awake, Josh’s eyes pop open and his exhaustion becomes non-existent. 

“What? Why? What happened?!” 

“Tyler! He cut himself and there’s blood all over the floor. He won’t let anyone near him and he just keeps drawing the letter J in the air.”

“Okay, okay. Tell Tyler that I’m on the way, okay?!”

“Hurry Dun!!!”

Josh has always considered himself an active guy. He ran, everyday. However, nothing compared to how fast Josh ran that morning. Luckily, he was still wearing somewhat presentable clothes as he didn’t change into pajamas before climbing into bed. Josh got to the hospital in five minutes, driving faster than he ever has. Despite almost crashing three times, he’d say that the drive was pretty successful.

Within seconds, he’s out of his car and sprinting through the too familiar hallways of the hospital. He finds himself in front of Tyler’s door in no time. The whole night staff is gathered outside the door screaming at each other. Josh doesn't have time to deal with them, so he squeezes his way through the crowd, grabs a first aid kit, and bursts into the room. 

Josh finds Tyler in his signature corner sobbing into his hands. There is blood all around him, seeping out of his wrists.

“Oh Ty…” Josh says sympathetically. Tyler begins to cry even harder.

“S-sss-orr-yyyy. I-I’m s-o-o so-r-r-y-yy J-j-sh.” Tyler sobbs out.

“Ty. C’mon let’s breathe. You’re okay. It’s gonna be okay. Can you breathe for me while I clean you up?”

“Ya-a.”

With that, Josh gets busy. He’s been trained to handle situations like this. What he wasn’t prepared for was how much pain he’d feel seeing someone he cares about suffer. Josh begins by getting some sanitary tissues out and cleaning Tyler’s wounds with isopropyl alcohol. He then wraps all the cuts with gauze. He goes to the closet to get Tyler a new gown and helps him change into it, despite all of Tyler’s attempted protests. Josh is able to carry Tyler to the bed. Tyler immediately curls in on himself, yanks the covers to his chin, and begins to doze off. Josh then busies himself with cleaning the floor and anything else blood may have gotten onto. Now, Josh realizes that Tyler cut his wrist against the metal bed frame. He’d have to look into getting Tyler’s room further proofed from harmful objects. 

As Tyler dozes off into oblivion, Josh cleans himself up and documents events for medical records. He decides to get some work done in the meantime. 

_____

A couple hours later, Patrick calls through the radio that Tyler has woken up. Wrapping up and email, Josh takes a sip of his tea and heads to Tyler’s room. With his signature knock, he heads inside.

“Hey Ty! How you feeling?”

“M’kay-y” Tyler says sleepily while turning over in his bed to meet sight of Josh. Josh walks around the table and sits on the chair. Josh is in a predicament. He knows that he'll have to bring up the previous night’s events sometime soon, he just doesn't know when. He decides to wait a little longer, making small talk with Tyler to pass some time. When their conversation over their mutual hate of bananas dies down, Josh decides that this moment is as good as ever. Hating that he has to ruin a bonding moment, Josh begins:

“...Ty?”

“Mhmm?”

“Look, I know that you probably don’t want to talk about what happened, I don’t want to either, but we have to. I think both of us know that. So, can you please tell me what caused you to cut?” Josh says cautiously, averting his gaze to the wall ahead of them.

“P-plea-se d-don b-be mad-d.” Tyler says, playing with his hands.

“Bud, you know that I won’t be mad at you. I’d never be mad at you. I’m asking because I care about you and I want to help you get better.” Josh says as he turns his gaze away from the wall and towards Tyler.

“Y-y-ou ‘won-n u-unders-stand-d.” Tyler mumbles, beginning to lift his head up to meet Josh’s gaze.

“Well, I do Ty. I understand how you feel a lot more than you think. It may not seem like it, but let me tell you. 10 years ago, when I was 14, I was exactly where you are right now. I was in this very hospital, room 310. Man, I remember it like it was yesterday. Ty, I have anxiety and depression. I was inpatient for two years. I was a hopeless case for a year and a half. It was until someone in my current position decided to reach out to me that I got better. I had my own Blurry. I used to cut and...and I attempted suicide just before I got admitted. Now, now Ty, I’m so much better. I found a way to manage my anxiety and depression and I’m going to help you find your way. I’m sure of it and I won’t give up until I do.”

“B-blurry-y w-wouldn-n’t sh-shut u-up.” 

“Did Blurry tell you that you’d be better off dead? That no one cared about you? That you were just a burden?” Josh suggests carefully, knowing that those three were the most prevalent thoughts regarding depression.

“Mhmm.” Tyler whispers out with tears welling in his eyes.

“Well, let me tell you that Blurry doesn’t know what he’s talkin’ about. Ty, I know that cutting is really tempting so you can shut Blurry up, but there are so many other ways to use your energy. If you ever feel that you can’t control him, that’s what we’re here for. Please, please don't be afraid to reach out to us. Don’t be afraid of Blurry because we will help you beat him.”

“Mmm.” Tyler says while a couple tears begin to travel down his cheeks, closing his eyes and resting his head on Josh’s readily available shoulder. 

“It’ll be okay Ty. I’m gonna help you beat him.” Josh says as he leans in, taking in Tyler’s scent.  
_____

Around lunch time, Josh informs Patrick on the night’s events. Patrick decides that this would be a good time to get additional blood work done to see if Tyler is deficient of any vitamins or minerals as they may alter how the medicine affects him. Josh agrees so Josh and Patrick head into Tyler’s room. Both men enter Tyler’s room at the same time after Josh knocks. Tyler’s eyes light up after seeing Josh, but the minute Tyler’s eyes land on Patrick, Tyler jumps out of the bed and scurries to the corner. This is when Patrick decides to stand near the door and Josh approaches Tyler.

“Ty, bud. There’s no need to be scared. That guy’s name is Patrick, he’s one of the head doctors here. He’s super nice and he won’t hurt you. No one here will hurt you Ty.” Josh says as he approaches the boy who is curled in on himself. Tyler just shakes his head violently while burying himself further into the corner. Tyler begins shaking while tears begin to well up in his eyes. 

“Ty, you’re safe. I’m not leaving either, okay? I’m going to be right here. All Patrick needs to do is get some blood to make sure that you’re all healthy.” Josh continues while extending his hand out for Tyler to hold. Tyler looks at Josh’s hand and his eyes widen. Tyler instead jumps onto Josh, clinging onto him for dear life. Patrick slowly walks into the room holding a basket of the necessary things to draw blood.

“Hey Tyler, I’m Patrick. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe here.” Patrick explains as he crouches down in front of Tyler.

“You’re doing so good Ty. I know it’s scary, but you’re doing so good. I’m so proud of you. Do this for me?” Josh encourages and Tyler nods his head slowly.

Patrick is able to draw the blood in minutes and leaves right after. Josh once again guides Tyler back to the bed.

“Ty, that was so good. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being strong for me.” 

“An-ny-thh-h-g f-r yo-ou J-sh-sh.” Tyler says with a slight smile.

Those four words melt Josh’s heart. Instantly, Josh knows. Josh knows that they’ll be okay; they’ll get through this together.


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Josh hung around in Tyler’s room any chance he had, which was a lot and was able to help Tyler a little more with his speech. 

It's the early afternoon and the two of them are relaxing: Tyler in the bed and Josh in the chair. 

“Ty?”

“Ye-ah?”

“You don't have to answer this if you don't feel comfortable, okay? Ty, can you please tell me what’s been bothering you? I can tell that there’s something keeping you from being happy and I want to help you.”

The two boys just stare at each other. It's a couple seconds before Tyler draws in a deep breath and begins.

“Jo-sh. Jos-sh, I’m sc-c-are-d.”

“Sacred of what Ty?”

“Ev-ve-ry-th-ing.” 

“Ty, I want to help you. I can’t help you unless you let me in. I know that it’s scary, but I promise you that we’ll get through this together.”

“I’m s-car-ed t-th-at you-’ll-ll l-l-ea-v-ve me-e.” Tyler says shakily as he throws his arms around Josh into a bear hug, a tear sliding down his face. Before Josh can say anything, Tyler continues: “l-like ev-ver-ry-o-one e-else d-did” Tyler manages to choke out before bursting into tears. 

Josh is speechless. No words could describe what he feels at this very moment. All he knows is that he is all in for Tyler. That he will do anything possible to help him out. All Josh can do is pull Tyler in tighter, so he does. They stay like that for a while until Josh decides to break the silence. 

“Tyler. I’m never going to leave you. Never. I don’t care if I need to tell you that every second of everyday. I’m not going anywhere and you have to know that.”

Between the chokes and sobbs, Josh hears Tyler hum in acknowledgment. Josh just sits there, cradling Tyler until the younger fell asleep. Josh debates whether to leave or not, but in the long run, he can't bring himself to leave Tyler at a state like this. 

Josh lays there, thumbing through his phone until he feels Tyler shift next to him. Josh glances down, and sure enough, Tyler is rubbing his eyes and starting to sit up. Tyler looks up and locks eyes with Josh. The both of them smiled at each other.

Josh has earbuds in; he always has earbuds in. Tyler takes notice and grabs one. Tyler then puts one earbud in his ear, closes his eyes, and listens to whatever music is spewing out of it. Just then, Josh sees Tyler’s eyes immediately liven.

“J-josh!! T-th-a-t-’s cem-me-tar-ies o-of Lo-n-don-n!!” Tyler exclaims with undeniable passion.

“Haha, yeah, it is Ty. You a Coldplay fan too?”

“Y-y-e-ah!!!” 

“Cool man, I wonder what else we have in common. What other bands do you like?”

“Uhh. Th-he Ki-i-ll-ers a-an-d I-ima-g-gine Dra-a-gon-s.”

“Those bands are awesome! I love Blink-182 and Fall Out Boy too.”

“Ye-ah!!” Tyler exclaims with a beautiful smile painting his face. Josh has never seen such a genuine smile before and he vows to keep Tyler smiling for as long as possible. 

_____

As the night draws to an end, the two boys get to know each other more. To say that their bond strengthened over the course of a couple hours would be an understatement. They create a three minute long handshake and a dozen inside jokes. Everyone who know the two know how close they’ve become. Josh spends every possible waking minute in Tyler’s room, except when work had to be done. They are basically inseparable. 

_____

Later in the day, Josh has to drop by his office for some time to get some paperwork done. About an hour in, he hears some screaming coming right outside of his office door. Knowing that Tyler’s room is a step away from his office worries, yet comforts him. With that, Josh walks up and around his desk and opens his door. He's greeted with Brendon clutching onto him and screaming into his ear. Once Brendon calms down, he's able to tell Josh how Patrick told him to give Tyler his dinner while Josh was busy with work. Josh knows how scared Tyler is around unfamiliar people, unfortunately Brendon doesn’t. Because of this, learning that Tyler was triggered into a panic attack due to Brendon’s presence wasn’t surprising. 

“Bren, let me take care of this, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. No one can be near Tyler other than you. Man, I thought I was being nice and inviting!”

“Dude, I’m sure you were, but for now, let’s worry about your midlife crisis later and let me calm Tyler down.” Josh says as he nudges Brendon aside and steps into Tyler’s room. Immediately, he sees Tyler fearfully jerk his head up out of the ball he curled himself into. Once he catches sight of Josh, Tyler springs up from his position and jumps onto Josh. Josh instantly catches the boy and maneuvers his way to the bed. Josh holds the shaking, teary eyed boy in his arms as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed. 

Josh takes this moment to attempt to calm the brunette: “Ty, Ty it’s okay. I’m here now, you’re okay. Shhhh.” Tyler responds by gasping for air, trying to regulate his breath. 

“You’re safe Ty, everything’s okay. Just breathe, okay? Breathe, everything’s okay.” Josh whispers into Tyler’s ear. After a few moments, Tyler is able to control his breathing and Josh helps ground him further. 10 minutes later, both boys are calm. 

“You okay now Ty?”

“Ye-ah. S-sor-ry, I kn-o-w y-ou w-were-re b-sy-y.”

“Bud, I’m never too busy for you, okay? Never.”

“I-I c-can’t ev-n b-be a-arou-nd o-other peo-ple w-with-out f-freak-ng o-out-t.”

“Ty, there’s nothing wrong with that. I know that reaction isn’t your choice and that it’s instinctual. We’ll get over that together, eventually.”

“I-I C-CAN’T-T E-E-EVN-N TA-LK!” Tyler practically screams, shedding tears.

“Ty. You’re doing better and we will work together to get there, okay? Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing so good. So good Ty. Yesterday, you let Patrick draw your blood. Just the fact that you let him proves that you’re already getting better. We’ll work on the speech and you know we will. It’ll get better in no time! Plus, I find it kinda cute.” Josh says, trying to lighten the mood. 

“I-I’m s-su-ch a-a br-r-dn-n” Tyler mumbles as he drops his gaze down to his lap, breathing out slowly. 

“Ty. No. Look at me.” Josh says as he slowly makes eye contact with Tyler. “No, you are anything but a burden Ty. You mean so much to me. You mean so, so much to me and I’m here for you because I want to be, not because I have to be. You’re not a burden, okay? You are /not/ a burden.” 

“Mmmm” Tyler whispers as he lowers his head to Josh’s lap, snuggling closer. 

For once, both boys are at peace. Enjoying each others’ company, worries melted away. Even if it's just for a couple moments, it's nice. Peace is nice. 

_____

The boys eyed the sun as it began to set, both finding composure knowing that it would once rise again the next morning. 

“J-josh?”

“What’s up?”

“I-I’m tired-d.”

“Do you wanna go to sleep?”

“N-no.”

“What do you mean Ty?”

“I-I’m t-t-ired-d of-f f-f-ight-ting.” Tyler says, almost casually.

“Hey, bud? Can you look at me for a sec? I need to make sure you know what I’m about to say. I need to know that you’ll hear it and take it to heart.”

“Mmm.” Tyler utters, turning his body to face Josh.

“Ty.” Josh begins, locking eye contact with Tyler. “Ty, I know that fighting this is really hard. I know that it’s exhausting and I know that it feels like it will never get better. I know that you think of how life would be without mental illness. I know that you feel like you want to give up, but I also know that you keep fighting. If not for yourself, you keep fighting for other people who believe in you. For those who care about you. I know that you keep fighting and that people don’t tend to notice how hard you are trying. I know that despite all of this work that you put in, the result may not show it. I know that. I know how it feels. But. I also know how amazing it feels to finally overcome it. Ty, I need you to know how proud I am of you. How proud everyone here is of you. You have made amazing progress in the last couple days, you’ve blown my mind. All of your effort isn’t going unnoticed and I need you to know that. Keep fighting and one day, one day you’ll beat all of this. You have to promise me that you’ll keep fighting for me Ty. No matter what.”

“I h-had n-no-one t-to fight-t f-for b-be-fore y-you.”

“Well, now I’m here and I’m not leaving. I’m never leaving. Keep fighting. For you and me. Let’s stay alive, Ty.”

“N-no m-matter w-what-t.”

“Yeah. No matter what.” Josh says, intertwining their hands and leaning back on the headboard. 

_____

As Tyler falls asleep for the night, Josh retreats out of the bed and back into his office. Just as he's closing the door to Tyler’s room, Josh feels a huge pat land in between his shoulder blades.

“What’s up bro?!”

“Brendon! Shut up!! He’s sleeping…” Josh whisper-screams back.

“Geez, geez okay. So, what’s up bro?” Brendon replies in his inside voice (which really isn’t an inside voice).

“Eh, not much I guess. I know you want to know about Tyler. I know you also know about patient confidentiality. So. All I’m going to tell you is that he’s doing good.”

“Duuunnnnnn c’mon man. I came all the way here for that?!”

“Yeah, now please move so I can update to Patrick.” Josh says as he begins to take the route leading to Patrick’s office.

“You update him, but not me?!?!” Brendon whines, following Josh like a lost puppy.

“Yes Bren, because he’s my boss and you’re not.” Josh states as he stops in front of Patrick’s door, blocked by Brendon. “Now please, for the love of coffee, /move/.”

“Ughgh. You’re no fun!” Brendon complains while stepping aside.

“Mhm. Bye Bren.” 

“Bye loser!” Brendon says, earning an eye roll from Josh.

With that, Josh knocks on the door and walks in.

“Hey ‘trick!” Josh greets, taking a seat in the chair across from Patricks desk.

“Hey Dun! Here to give me an update?” Patrick asks, turning his chair from his computer screen to Josh.

“Yup.” Josh responds, popping the p.

“Okay, hold on. Let me get the medical records up.” Patrick says, maneuvering around all of his open desktops and tabs. “Alright, I’m good.”

“Okay, overall Tyler has been doing amazing. Honestly. He’s made such progress over just a few days that it’s crazy. Aside from panic attacks, which are inevitable. He talks to me Pat! He talks to me!!” Josh exclaims over-enthusiastically, the hand gestures included, of course. 

“Wait. Really?” Patrick asks with uncertainty, looking up from his computer screen.

“Yes really!!! He shared with me his main fears and he talked more about Blurry to me. He basically refers to Blurry as all the depressive thoughts. He personifies them. I think that makes it easier for him to confront them…”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Patrick thinks aloud while continuing to type.

“He has the same driving factors as anyone else with depression. The better off dead, burden, no one cares thoughts. He now knows that I care and that has allowed him to open up to me a bit.”

“Dang, that’s really impressive Josh. No kidding. You got him to talk in days, the other hospital couldn’t get him to talk for five years. Seriously, how do you do it?”

“I don’t know? I guess I try to remember how I felt when I was here. What I wanted to hear, what I wanted people to do. I remember how I felt and give what I wanted to my patients. I mean, you gotta connect with them before you try to pry information out of them. You gotta make sure they know that you’re here for them, truly.”

“Wow, that’s a really good way to put it Josh...and look. I know this is off topic now, but you have to know how proud I am of you. I still remember doing my residency here while you were a patient. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.” Patrick says sincerely, saving the notes and closing the browser.

“Same ‘trick. Same.” Josh says genuinely as he gets up from the chair and waves goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has left comments and kudos! I love hearing from you guys and I try to reply to every comment I get. 
> 
> Have a good night/day! <3


	5. Chapter 5

“Morning Ty!” Josh says in a sing-song tune, entering Tyler’s room. Of course, he finds Tyler soundly asleep. Josh almost feels bad for having to wake Tyler up in such a peaceful sleeping form. Josh quickly contemplates what he should do. He settled on ‘oh screw it’ and yanks the blanket off Tyler. “Up! Up! Up!”

“Ughghhhgh.” Tyler says sleepily, trying to grab the blankets back.

“Nope! Get up sleepy pants.” 

“H-ha-te y-you.” Tyler sighs as he rubs his eyes.

“You’re gonna hate me more when I tell you that we’re having a speech therapy meeting in 10 minutes.”

“Ha-a-te y-y-ou.” Tyler repeats.

“Yeah, totally saw that coming. Now here are your meds and let’s go Ty.” Josh says as he springs over to the side of the bed, extended an arm for Tyler to hold onto, and giving Tyler his meds. Tyler reaches out, grabs the offered hand, and doesn’t let go.

“The room is just past all the patient rooms. You’re gonna love Pete, he’s amazing.” Josh says as they continue walking down the hallway. Suddenly, something yanks his hand backwards and prevents him from moving forward. That something was Tyler. Tyler leans against the wall, still clutching onto Josh’s hand, and sinks down to the floor.

“Ty? Ty? What’s wrong?” Josh asks concerned, sinking down to Tyler’s level.

“P-pan-ic a-at-tack-ck. N-new-w p-p-per-s-son-n.” Tyler stutters out harder than normal due to his irregular breathing.

“Ty breathe with me. Follow my breaths, okay? You’re okay. You’re safe. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re okay. Follow me, okay?” Josh mutters in a soft voice as he begins to take leading deep breaths and repeating them. “You’re doing so good Ty. Just keep focusing on your breathing. I know it’s scary, but you’re okay.” Josh reassured as he let Tyler control his own breathing rate. 

After a few minutes, Tyler isn’t making much progress. This is when Josh decides to use some grounding techniques instead of breathing exercises.

“Ty, can you tell me five things you can see?”

“Uh-hm. Y-ou, the wa-ll, si-gns, li-ghts, a-and. A-nd. I-I do-n’t kn-ow jo-sh.”

“Yes you do bud. Can you see Brendon down the hallway?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Good! See, that’s number five. Okay, now can you tell me four things you can feel?”

“Mmm. Y-your ha-nd, the floor-r, the w-wall, my b-brace-let.”

“You’re doing so well Ty. Okay, three things you can hear?”

“Y-your voi-ce, my v-voice, beep-ing.”

“Two things you can smell?”

“Hos-pital, y-you.”

“Nice! One deep breath.”

Tyler is able to slow his breathing, but Josh notices tears forming in his eyes.

“Ty? Talk to me, what’s bothering you?” Josh says, now sitting fully on the floor, leaning against the wall. 

“I c-can’t me-et n-new peo-ple. ‘Tis s-sca-ry.”

“Ty, it’s okay. I know that meeting new people is scary, but look how meeting me turned out! Everyone here is super nice and supportive. We all want the best for you and we’d never ever hurt you in anyway. You know that. Also, I’ll still be in the room with you. I was serious when I told you that I’m never leaving. You don’t have to do any of this alone.”

“I k-know…”

“Good. You’re okay Ty. You’re doing so good.” Josh says, pausing to let Tyler gather himself a bit. “You ready?” He asks, shaking their linked hands as encouragement. 

“Mnmnn.”

“C’mon Ty. I know you don’t want to, but we gotta.”

“Mmph.” Tyler grunts as he stands to his feet with some help from Josh.

“Alright. On we go.” 

There is a comfortable silence as they walk further down the hallway. They come to a gradual stop outside the door dubbed ‘speech therapy.’

“You got this Ty.” Josh encourages as he opens the door and leads them both inside. 

“Hey guys!” Pete exclaims while standing from his chair. “Tyler, my name is Pete and I’m your speech therapist.” He says with a smile, making eye contact with Tyler. Tyler instantly finds shelter by hiding behind Josh’s back, gripping onto Josh’s hand harder.

“Hey Pete, give us a sec?” Josh asks, turning around to attend to Tyler.

“Yeah, absolutely. Take all the time you guys need.” Pete says as he sits back down on his chair.

“Ty. Hey Ty, please look at me.” Josh whispered to the shaking boy. “Ty c’mon, you know that you’re safe and that Pete isn’t going to hurt you.”

“Mmm.” Tyler mumbles as he slowly opens his eyes.

“Everything is okay Ty. Can we head over to those chairs?” Josh suggests as he slightly tugs Tyler up and guides them over to the chairs, sitting down.

“We good?” Josh asks quietly enough for only Tyler to hear him, earning a slight nod in response. 

“Alright Pete, sorry for that, but we’re all good now.” Josh informs Pete.

“Awesome! Tyler, I just want you to know that I’m only here to help you and I want the best for you.” Pete says as he turns his body to face Tyler.

“Mmm.” Tyler responds.

“Ty, I know that you’ve only talked to me so far, but you gotta try to talk to Pete. He can’t help you much without you talking to him.” Josh tells Tyler, rubbing the back of his hand as a form of comfort. Tyler glances up at Josh with a fearful expression on his face. “Ty, I know you’re scared, but Pete is here to help you. Nothing bad is going to happen if you speak to Pete. Please try, for me.”

“...O-okay-y.” Tyler says quietly, slowly bringing his gaze up to meet Pete’s.

“Thanks Tyler!” Pete says enthusiastically. “I figured before we start, you could share with me if you’ve stuttered for your whole life or if it’s just recently so that I can figure out what the best way to help you is.”

“Uhmm. J-just-t w-wh-en I st-arted t-talk-ing t-to J-jo-sh.” Tyler says while averting his eyes from both Pete and Josh.

“What I know is that Tyler didn’t speak for at least five years before speaking to me.” Josh adds.

“Oh. So is it reasonable for me to conclude that the stutter is due to not using your vocal cords for an extended period of time?” Pete inquires Tyler, earning a nod in return. “Okay, well I have good news for you Tyler! Since it’s due to the inactivity of speaking, it’s actually a lot easier to rid the stutter than if it was since birth. You may have noticed that your stutter may have gotten better over the past couple days just by talking to Josh.”

“Y-eah.” Tyler says, squeezing Josh’s hand.

“Good! Basically, to rid the stutter, you just have to talk more. I know that it’s not as simple as it sounds, but the more you’re able to talk, the faster the stutter will begin to fade. It’s all about exercising your voice again.” Pete informs both Tyler and Josh, gaining a nod from both boys. “We’ll have another meeting in a week to see how you’re doing. If it’s purely because of the lack of use, the stutter should be gone in a couple days if you work on it constantly.”

“Sounds good! Thanks again, Pete.” Josh says as he leads Tyler towards the door.

“Yup, see ya Dun!” Pete responds as the two boys walk out of his office.  
_____

Tyler and Josh spend the following hours just hanging out in Tyler’s room. After a Spongebob marathon, Josh plays an episode of X-Files. Josh claims that it's his favorite show, but Tyler can’t get through a couple minutes without getting scared. Josh eventually gives Tyler the remote and Tyler puts on Modern Family, a show that they both love. 

They enjoy their time together. In the early afternoon, Patrick stops by their room after getting an update from Pete. 

“Hey Tyler and Josh!” Patrick says as he walked into the room.

“Hey Pat.” Josh greets, sending a look to Tyler.

“...H-hi.” Tyler says reluctantly. Tyler’s voice surprises Patrick, but he knows better than to draw attention to it.

“Well, you guys have gotten close, huh?” Patrick laughs, seeing the two sharing a bed and holding hands. “How have you been doing Tyler?”

“Go-od.”

“Good! I know that you’ve only been here for a few days, but I’m hoping that I could get some more info from you. This way, we can further individualize your care and plan. Additionally, we really do need to know more about you. As long as you’re okay with it, can I ask you some questions?” Patrick asks as he takes a seat on the chair closest to the bed. 

“Uh-mm. I d-don’t kn-ow.” Tyler mutters.

“It’s okay to be unsure, Tyler. If at anytime you don’t want to answer a question or if you want to stop for any reason, we will.” Patrick reassures Tyler.

“Yeah, and you don’t have to be scared of your answers Ty. We don’t judge and most importantly, we’re here for you no matter what.” Josh chimes in. 

“Mmm. ‘M r-rea-dy.” Tyler says, bringing up his gaze to meet Patricks. 

“Awesome! This can get pretty personal so I just want to make sure that we’ll stop at anytime for any reason the second you say. Okay?” Patrick says while opening the lid of his computer, getting a nod from Tyler in response. 

“You got this Ty. I’m here for you.” Josh tells the younger in a hushed tone.

“Okay, first off, Tyler, can you tell me when you were under the care of your old hospital, why didn’t you speak?”

“Um...th-ey, t-they w-were m-mean. Th-ey d-did-n’t ca-re.” Tyler mumbles as he drops his gaze to the bed. 

“Tyler, what do you mean by they didn’t care? I know many of the doctors there and they care as much about you as we do.” Patrick asks further. 

“T-they wa-a-nted me to o-open u-up with-out get-ting to kn-ow me. W-with-out show-ing me t-that th-ey ca-red.” 

“Oh I’m sorry Ty. I just want you to know that they do care. They might not have showed it, but they do.” Josh says while letting Tyler rest his head on his shoulder. 

“Does-n’t ma-tter. H-ave y-ou now.”

“Yeah, that’s right Ty. Now you have me and everyone else on your side.” Josh breathes out with a sigh. “...and we’re never leaving.”

“Thanks for telling us that Tyler. This next question may be really sensitive, so let me know if you want to skip it.” Patrick informs Tyler with an apologetic expression and continues: “When you originally admitted in 2013, your parents, that year, decided to remove themselves from the title of being your guardians. Tyler, can you please tell me how that affected you, if anything?”

“I. I-um.” Tyler stammers out before shoving his face deeper into Josh’s shoulder and wrapping both of his hands around Josh’s torso. “I ha-te th-em.” Tyler says, words being muffled by Josh’s shirt. Josh brought his arms around the now shaking boy, glancing at Patrick over Tyler’s shoulder. Patrick has a sorrowful expression on his face. Before Josh or Patrick can say anything, Tyler speaks: “Th-ey h-hit me. T-they hu-rt me. They-y h-hate me, I ha-te t-them.” Josh instinctively hugs Tyler tighter, trying to comfort the crying boy. 

As Tyler snuggles further into Josh, Josh and Patrick lock eyes and begin a mouthed conversation as Patrick stands next to the door, about to exit:

P: “What just happened?”  
J: “I really don’t know. He was abused.”  
P: “Physically? Mentally? ...Sexually?”  
J: “No idea, records just noted past abuse.”  
P: “That’s why…” *gestures to Tyler*  
J: “Yeah. I’ll talk to him later, maybe get some more info?”  
P: “Yeah, update me.”  
J: “Always.”


	6. Chapter 6

The next few hours are pretty silent and uneventful. Both boys go about their daily routines as normal (meaning that Josh completes some of his work while Tyler hangs out in his room). Traditionally, other patients would attend session groups, therapy groups, or hang out in the commons, but those wouldn’t work for Tyler. His care group decided, unanimously, that group activities and their associated environments would only make Tyler’s situation worse, making a rare exception with activities that the majority of inpatients are required to go to. 

Once Josh completes all of his necessary work, he begins to wrap up for the day and slightly tidies up his work area before heading out. As he was walking out of the door, he remembers that he has to bring Tyler his dinner, so he walks over to the nurse station. 

The meal is simple, yet again. On the tray lies pasta with meat sauce and carrots with apple slices on the side. 

With his signature knock, Josh enters Tyler’s room. He drops the tray of food on the table and takes a seat on his chair. 

“Hey Ty! How you doing?”

“...thou-ght you le-ft me.” Tyler states with a sad, almost disappointed expression on his face.

“Ty, you know I would never, ever leave you. I was just getting some work done, that’s all.” Josh responds, leaning onto the bed. “Ty, I know that the anxiety makes you always second guess yourself. I know that it makes you constantly worry and over-analyze everything. I know how it feels. I also know how much unnecessary fear it causes and how you want constant reassurance, but are too afraid to ask for it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and I will give you that constant reassurance, no questions asked. Every second of everyday if needed. Ty. I’m never leaving you, okay?”

“O-kay…” Tyler replies in such a way where it seems like he’s trying to convince himself to believe.

“Tyler.” Josh firmly says in a quiet voice. This catches Tyler’s attention instantly, making Tyler look up and hold eye contact with Josh. Josh doesn't call Tyler by his name, always a nickname. “I am never leaving you. Ever. I know that your brain is trying to tell you that I’m lying, that it’s too good to be true, but you have to listen to me and not your brain. I am never leaving you. I will say it a million times for you to believe it. I am never leaving you Tyler and you /have/ to know that.”

Tyler’s eyes soften. He pulls Josh into the bed and snuggles up against him. 

“Th-ank you J-osh.”

“Anytime Ty, anytime.”

The two of them stay pressed against each other for a good amount of time before there is a knock on the door. Josh recognizes the knock as Patrick’s and gives him permission to open the door. 

Tyler’s eyes widen at the sound of the door opening and his body immediately tenses. Once Tyler verifies the person as Patrick, Tyler was able to relax a bit more. 

“Hey guys, how are you doing?” Patrick asks as he walks in and takes a seat on a chair. Josh stays quiet, making Tyler respond for practice. 

“Go-od.” Tyler mutters out.

“Good! I know that it’s only been a few hours since our last...conversation...” Patrick says with uncertainty in his voice, likely due to his word choice. “Uhm, yeah, but I need to ask you one more question, I’m sorry.” Patrick states with a sincere remorseful expression. 

“Ty, do you think you can handle it?” Josh asks concerned gaining a slight nod from Tyler in response. 

“Now, I’m not supposed tell you this, but this question is really, really personal. I’m forced to ask you it, but you’re not obligated to respond if you don't want to. This means that I just need to note that I asked you the question, but I can write that you denied to answer.” Patrick informs Tyler, earning yet another nod. “Okay.” Patrick sighs out with a deep breath. “Tyler, can you please tell me why you attempted suicide in 2013, prior to being admitted?” Patrick blurts out with a sorrowful look.

This question takes Tyler completely off guard. He was expecting a personal question, but not this one. He would answer any question other than this one. Tyler instantly is brought to a flashback of his childhood and this triggers him into a huge panic attack. 

This is what Patrick is afraid of. Patrick knows that the question is extremely personal and heavy, but he is being forced by his boss to ask it, despite his opinions. Patrick quickly jots down that Tyler denied to answer and begins to walk out of the room, sending a regretful glance at Josh before mouthing ‘sorry’ before he walks out of the door. 

Josh would normally comfort Tyler through words at this moment, but he knows better. Josh knows better than to speak when a patient is reminded of a not so great past memory. Josh knows that in these moments, patients just need time to overcome the memory and that companionship is a necessity. Because of that, Josh brings Tyler into a tighter embrace and lays there until Tyler is able to overcome his panic attack.  
_____

Josh stays on Tyler’s bed for the rest of the day. The two don’t utter a single word during the elapsed time. When it's time for Tyler to sleep, Tyler has an extremely hard time. Tyler does have insomnia, but tonight is so much worse compared to the others. Tyler spends hours facing away from Josh, just staring out the window. Josh knows, despite Tyler facing away from him, that Tyler needs Josh’s presence to calm and ground him. 

Josh ends up spending the night cuddled up against Tyler on the bed. Some may say that it is unprofessional, but it is for the patient’s benefit and calming. Solely that and nothing else.  
_____

It's around 3:30am when Josh feels a shift in the bedding and a grunt coming from Tyler’s side of the bed. This, of course, wakes Josh up from his sleep and causes him to turn around to face Tyler. 

“You okay?” Josh sighs out as he brings his arm up to rest his head on as a pillow. 

“Mmph.” Tyler says as his response gets muffled through the pillow. 

The two boys lay their in each other’s company enjoying the fact that there is no one bothering them, regardless of the hour. After some peaceful quietness, Tyler decides to break the silence.

“My pa-rents a-bused me.”

This takes Josh by shock. Shock not from the words, he already knows about Tyler’s abusive past. He is in shock because he didn’t have to ask Tyler about it; he is in shock that Tyler wants to talk about such a heavy topic in the middle of the night; he is in shock that Tyler was willing to share something so personal. Josh was in plain and utter shock.

“Ty, we don’t have to talk about this right now. We can wait, it’s okay.”

“N-o. No. I. I got-ta.”

“Okay Ty, but feel free to stop whenever and please don’t feel pressured to finish.”

“Jo-sh, my p-parents used-d to h-hit me. A-all the time, for no-thing. For exist-ing. E-ver since I wa-as a kid, for my w-whole life. They did-n’t wa-nt me. They blam-ed me for every-thing. My mom w-would hit me. My dad would k-kick me, pun-ch me. Both would scream at me, ye-ll nas-ty things.” Tyler states as he stares off into the distance, seeming disconnected from the words coming out of his own mouth. “That was the ro-ot of my depre-ssion. The de-pression cre-ated an-xiety.” Tyler explains with sad, isolated eyes. “Then I got bull-ied. A lot. I got bu-llied for years and years. Phy-sically and verbally. I got b-bullied for every-thing I did. No one want-ed to be-friend the sad kid. I had no fri-ends. I had no safe p-place. Over the years, my bo-dy got hit and hit. The abuse never stop-ped. It came fr-om home and sch-ool…” Tyler pauses, almost indicating reflection. 

“Ty, I know this is a lot for you and you’re very brave for sharing. If you feel like this is a good stopping point, we can continue later.” Josh suggests cautiously, not wanting Tyler to trigger himself into a panic attack at four in the morning. Josh receives a furiously strong shake of Tyler’s head in response. 

“Then it got t-too much. I tri-ed to end it. N-ow I’m here.” Tyler concludes, finally bringing his gaze to meet Josh’s. Josh doesn’t know what to do, he was still in shock. He knows that he needs to say something, anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to form words. Josh searches his mind for words and comes up short. 

“I, Ty. I don’t know what to say...I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Ty.” Josh murmurs with tears welling up in his eyes. He knew that Tyler had an abusive past, but that’s all he knew. Now, he knows more, so much more and he can’t bring himself to accept it. Josh can't come to terms of how hurt Tyler was, of how mistreated he was, of how much pain he was in. It broke Josh’s heart to say the least.

“I-’ve heard th-at be-fore.”

“I really am sorry Ty. I know that those words don’t mean anything now, but I need you to know that those days are over and that those days are never coming back. All of that pain is over and I can promise you that. I promise you that Ty.” 

With those words, Josh brings his hand around Tyler to engulf him in a hug. 

“All that pain is over.” Josh whispers into Tyler’s ear. Josh sees Tyler release an exhale, trusting Josh’s words because that’s all he can hold onto at this moment. Josh’s words are the only thing Tyler can hold onto; Josh is the only thing Tyler can hold onto. Josh is the only thing Tyler has and he’s so grateful for that because after all, one person is better than zero and zero is the only thing Tyler ever knew before Josh came along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI: I haven't been physicallly abused, but I have had my fair share of bullying and verbal abuse.
> 
> I know that many of us battle with many different things, and even if they aren't the same, the same message applies: Stay strong and stay alive |-/


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note of the names of the hospitals:  
> Original hospital-Imagina  
> Max security hospital-Illumin

Later that morning, Josh gets up before Tyler to inform Patrick about this morning’s events. As he got up off the bed and heads to the door, Josh looks back at the sleeping boy. This sight makes Josh’s heart churn. After Tyler’s early morning ‘confession,’ Josh can't look at him the same again. Josh now looks at Tyler as a persevering fighter. Josh’s heart is in pain knowing how much Tyler has been through. 

Once Josh is out of the door, he readjusts his scrubs and heads to Patrick’s office. Patrick’s office is at the very beginning of the hallway, the complete opposite side of Josh’s. 

Josh embarks on the two to three minute walk with a spring in his step. On the way, he waves and greets his co-workers and hums a familiar beat under his breath. Once he turns the corner to knock on Patrick’s door, he sees Dan walking out of the room. They wave to each other and continue on their paths.

Josh knocks on Patrick’s door and once he hears Patrick’s okay, Josh enters the room. Josh is greeted with a frantic looking Patrick, shuffling around the room looking like a madman. 

“Patrick?” When Josh receives no response, he decides to speak up: “Patrick?!” Even that doesn’t get Patrick’s attention so Josh ends up screaming: “PATRICK?!”

This gets the man’s attention and causes Patrick to spin around. 

“What? What?! Yeah??”

“Patrick, are you okay?” Josh speaks cautiously as he takes a seat on one of the chairs. 

“Oh gosh Josh, I can’t.” Patrick says on the verge of tears, dropping onto his chair, hands in his hair. 

“What happened?” 

“Josh…” Patrick sighs out while pushing his hand through his hair, ruffling it. “Management is transferring you to Illumin, the maximum security hospital.”

“WHAT?!” Josh screams, springing from his chair. “They can’t do that! Why would they even do that?! They have enough staff there.”

“Well, first, they can. They can assign you to any hospital they want, I just found the documentation stating that.” Patrick explains, holding up a stack of papers. “Second, they’re transferring you because you’re too good at what you do.”

“THAT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR! WHY CAN’T I CHOOSE WHERE I WORK?!” Josh screeches at the top of his lungs, pacing back and forth in front of Patrick’s desk. When realization sinks in, Josh takes a deep breath and sinks back down in the chair. “...What are we going to do about Tyler?” 

“I don’t know, Josh. I don’t know.” Patrick mumbles slowly, rubbing his hands over his face. “...You start over there tomorrow. You have to tell Tyler. I’m sorry Josh, we’ll figure this out.”

“I guess I’ll go tell him now.”

“I really am sorry Josh, I’m powerless here.” Patrick sighs out as Josh leaves the office.

Josh takes his time while walking back to Tyler’s room, now aware that he didn’t even tell Patrick about Tyler’s update. All Josh could think about was how he was gonna tell Tyler. 

Once Josh is in front of the familiar door, he knocks and enters the room. Josh sees that Tyler is still sleeping, so Josh gently shakes the boy awake.  
“Hey, Ty, get up.” 

Josh assumes that Tyler could see the sadness on Josh’s face because the first thing Tyler asks is if Josh is okay.

“Kinda.” Josh responds, taking a seat next to Tyler on the bed. “Ty, I have some not so great news that I have to tell you.”

Tyler looks at Josh with an expectant look, hinting for Josh to continue.

“Management is moving me to a different hospital starting tomorrow.” Josh blurts out, immediately noticing tears forming in Tyler’s eyes. A second later, Tyler bursts into tears as he engulfs Josh in a bear hug. 

“Y-ou said you’d ne-ver leave me.” Tyler chokes out in between sobbs.

“Oh, Ty. No. Just because I’m working someplace else doesn’t mean that I’m leaving you. I’m going to visit you as much as I can and we’ll figure this situation out. I’ll figure out how to work here again. We just both have to be strong in the meantime.”

“Don’t wa-nt you to leave.” 

“I know, Ty. I don’t want to leave either, I’m sorry.”  
_____

Josh spends the rest of the day with Tyler, both trying to cherish what time they have left together and not wanting to face reality. Unfortunately, reality eventually forces you to snap out of your day dream and confront life. Because of this, Josh finds himself packing up his office, begrudgingly, and moving boxes into his car.

Josh would normally be stoked about this news, this is what he’s been working after for years. But once Tyler came into his life, he can't bring himself to leave. Josh is petrified about what will happen to Tyler while he’s gone. He knows how unstable Tyler is and, despite all the progress they’ve made, Tyler is still extremely vulnerable. 

After Josh finishes moving all of his belongings to his car, he drops by Tyler’s room to say his goodbyes. Josh isn't expecting an easy goodbye, but he certainly isn’t expecting Tyler to clutch onto him for dear life while screaming and sobbing. Josh tries to soothe him, but nothing calms him down. After an hour, nurses have to sedate Tyler because his actions are starting to get out of control for both parties. 

Both boys shed tears; both boys have broken hearts; both boys, more than anything, have fears that consume them.  
_____

\- The next morning - Josh -

After Josh got his routine coffee, he startes to drive to Illumin. Illumin is further from his apartment compared to Imagina, meaning that Josh’s commute was twice his normal one. 

As Josh drives slightly outside of the city, he can’t help to think about Tyler. Tyler shouldn’t be awake yet, but Josh is anxious about what will happen once Tyler does wake. His thoughts come to a halt once Josh pulls into Illumin’s parking lot. After his car is parked, Josh steppes outside of his car and readjustes his scrubs before walking in. 

Josh approaches reception and gets redirected to where he can find Joe, the head doctor. Josh tries to familiarize himself with his surroundings as he walks through the halls. 

Differences are evident. For one, Illumin has less windows and no art decorating the walls. All of the halls have secured doors at the entrance in addition to having two doors for each room. The floors are tile instead of carpet and the walls are white instead of cream. There are barely any decorations and there are not many communal rooms and every room that he has seen is extremely bare bone. 

Josh eventually finds Joe’s office. He knocks and enters once he hears an affirmative. 

“Hi there! I’m Josh and I was told to come find you?”

“Oh, yes! Hi! Come in and take a seat.” Joe says with excitement as Josh finds his way to the nearest chair and sits down. “Josh, we are so excited to have you here. We have heard so many prodigious things about you!!”

“Well, thank you, Joe.” Josh says with his signature smile.

“Okay, so let’s start. For now, we’re giving you two patients. Just as a therapist, not a carer. Here at Illumin, we have 24/7 carers for our patients because they are more...active. We know that you have a great track record with patients who deal with anxiety and depression, so the two patients we are giving you suffer from severe depression and are highly suicidal. While I’m at it, I’ll give you a run down of Illumin since you’re not very well knowledgeable of how we do things here. We only have inpatients here and all of them must be referred to us from another psychiatric hospital. We take very serious cases here and most of them are high risk of harm and/or danger. That being said, most patients that leave Illumin normally get transferred to another, less severe hospital, such as Imagina. As you probably have noticed, we have increased security and barrier systems here in place compared to Imagina. They’re meant to protect both the staff and patients. That includes having lockdown buttons next to every door and hall entrance. Adding onto that, there is limited staff to patient interactions here and any patient with a recent ‘activity’ record is put in light restrains as a safeguard. Everything here is a lot more strict and rigid. That includes schedules, routines, and meds. I know that everything may seem a bit much at first, but we truly believe that our patients can make progress, despite being more severe.” Joe recites and pauses before asking: “So, do you have any questions?”

“Um, how long and often are these therapy sessions that I’m assigned for? What do I do when I’m not doing the sessions?”

“Oh yeah! That’s important, haha. You have sessions with each patient once a day for an hour in the morning, 9am and 10am to be exact. Your patients also see another therapist in the afternoon with different expertise compared to you. When you aren’t doing sessions, you basically can do whatever you want as long as you get your work done. Most of our staff that isn’t on watch leave relatively anytime they want, that’s why you don’t have assigned work hours, other than your appointments of course.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks Joe! I guess I’ll take a look around?”

“Of course! You start tomorrow and you can move into your office today.” Joe tells Josh with a smile. 

“Awesome, thanks again!” Josh says as he exits the door.  
_____

Josh spends the rest of his day wandering around Illumin. He meets some of his new coworkers and also a couple patients.  


Illumin felt somewhat uncomfortable to Josh. He was so used to Imagina’s homey atmosphere and, in all honesty, Illumin didn’t feel warm and inviting. Illumin felt rigid and cold although he could tell that they tried to make the hospital cheerful and pleasant. Unfortunately, not much could have been done due to the safety standards Illumin had to uphold. 

Josh truthfully misses Imagina. Imagina has been his reality for two years and he absolutely loves it there. Sadly, Josh knows that he has no say in where he works currently, so he’ll have to suck it up and get over it.  
_____

\- The next morning - Tyler -

The minute the sedative set in, Tyler goes limp and so does his brain. 

Tyler wakes up later than normal (the nurses gave him some sleep medicine to make sure that he’d sleep through the night). It takes Tyler a couple minutes to realize where he is and what is happening. Once Tyler remembers last night’s events, he instantly begins crying. Josh is gone and Tyler is alone again. Tyler knows that Josh will come visit him anytime possible, but Josh isn’t here, and more than anything, Tyler will get another carer and therapist. The thought alone scares him shitless. 

Tyler has five minutes alone before Brendon waltzes into his room. Sure, Brendon was nice, but Brendon isn’t Josh and Tyler is scared of anyone other than Josh.  
Once Brendon steps further into his room, Tyler pulls the sheets up past his chin in an attempt to hide himself. 

“Hey, Tyler. I know this is really hard for you, but we gotta deal with what we got, yeah? Anywho, I’m your new assigned therapist and carer.”

Tyler stays silent, shifting his eyes rapidly around the room, trying to avoid eye contact with Brendon.

“Tyler, I know that you’re scared, but I promise you that I’m not going to hurt you. I’m only going to help and take care of you. We all care about you here.” Brendon says as he takes a seat in Josh’s chair. This somewhat angers Tyler. He knows that it was an irrational response, but that chair was Josh’s and no one else's. 

“Tyler. Hey, I know that you can speak. Can you please try to speak to me?” Brendon asks, feeling out of place. Tyler shakes his head as a response and turns his glance to his lap. Brendon gives up and leaves the room after giving Tyler his meds. 

Tyler gets teary eyed after Brendon left because Josh was always in his room; he was practically attached to Tyler. To say that Tyler misses Josh would be an understatement. 

Josh is Tyler’s life. Literally. Tyler doesn’t feel like he has anyone else to live for, to fight for. Without Josh, Tyler feels like nothing. He doesn’t care about the other people in the hospital; he doesn’t care about the doctors or the workers. All he cares about is Josh and Josh is gone. 

Patrick stops by Tyler’s room in the afternoon. Apparently, Brendon asked Patrick to see if he could get Tyler talking again. Tyler stays silent and Patrick leaves feeling defeated after a half hour. 

Tyler stays silent for the rest of the day. Tyler doesn’t feel like there is a reason to talk without Josh being there. To say that Tyler misses Josh would be an understatement. Tyler just fiddles with his thumbs and tries to pass time by watching tv. 

The peace didn’t last long. Before Brendon heads out for the day, he checks in on Tyler once again and accidentally touches Tyler’s shoulder. This triggeres Tyler into a panic attack and no one can come near him without him screaming. The workers eventually leave him alone and Tyler cries himself to sleep. To say that Tyler misses Josh would be an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry?
> 
> _____
> 
> Thanks for sticking around, your feedback and support means the world to me! <3 |-/


	8. Chapter 8

\- The next next morning - Josh -

Josh arrives at his office around 8am. He spends the hour he has before his sessions to get some work done. He reviewes the medical records of his two patients and reads them thoroughly. He then begins filling out some paperwork and structures some reports that he’d have to complete and send in later. 

At 8:55am, Josh gets up and puts his computer on sleep mode. He starts walking to the therapy room, taking a few wrong turns, but getting there nonetheless. When Josh opens the door, his first patient is already sitting in the chair. Josh smiles and begins. 

A minute after the first session ends, the second one starts. 

At 11am, Josh finishes with both meetings and heads back to his office. His two new patients were a lot more serious than he was used to working with, as expected. Most of both sessions were talking the patients out of constant suicidal thoughts and plans to end their lives. 

Other than his two appointments, working at Illumin is pretty bland. The staff stay in their own lanes and barely interact. The patients are harder to manage and that made them not viable people to engage in conversation with. Put simply, Josh is bored. Despite his anxiety, Josh is a social person. He pursues his job because it allows him to talk to people. If he wants to be antisocial, Josh would choose some office job instead. However, Josh is taught to be optimistic and he has to practice that in situations like these.

Josh continues working, eventually eating lunch in his office. He makes plans for the sessions with his patients tomorrow and further explores Illumin when he has time to spare. 

Josh is able to get his work done by 1:30pm, so he clocks out and heads home. 

Josh spends time lounging around with Jim and binging x-files. Sure, he loves having time off, but he truthfully rather be working. Josh loves his job and there’s no other way to say it. Josh loves helping others and sitting at home made him feel somewhat useless because he knows how much other stuff he could be doing at Imagina. 

By 3:30pm, Josh is utterly bored. He can’t stop thinking about Imagina and Tyler; he thinks about them so much that he decides to visit Imagina because he really did miss it there.  
_____

\- The next next morning - Tyler -

Tyler wakes up at 5am because his brain never shuts off. He can't stop thinking and has a restless night. Tyler zombily stares out the window, waiting for the sun to rise. As light eventually floods the room, Tyler realizes how much Josh’s presence lived in the room. Tyler can't look anywhere in the room without being reminded of Josh and this makes him so sad. He's being constantly reminded of not having something that means so much to him. Tyler feels that losing Josh hurt more than any breakup.

Tyler continues to daydream until being interrupted by Brendon bringing his breakfast and meds. Tyler has learned to not fear Brendon and Patrick anymore because he knows that they are friends of Josh. He still tenses up with them in the room and goes on high alert, but at least he doesn’t run to the corner and have a panic attack. That’s some progress. 

Brendon checks in on Tyler every 30 minutes to see if he’s okay and receives the same head nod every time. Tyler doesn’t do anything to pass time. He either stares out his window or into space. Tyler gets disrupted by lunch, but goes right back to staring at nothing after eating. Tyler is like a statue. 

Brendon and Patrick are concerned. Tyler is practically unresponsive and it scares them. They don’t know what to do because there really isn’t anything that can be done. They just have to let time run its course.  
_____

As Josh pulls into the parking lot of Imagina, he sees Patrick outside taking a walk. Josh decides to say hi to Patrick before walking into the hospital, so he heads towards the lawn. 

“Hey Patrick!”

“What?” Patrick says while turning around and once realization overcomes him, he jumps: “Oh my gosh! Josh!!!” 

“Hey Pat.” Josh breathes out, embracing Patrick into a hug. “How are ya?”

“Josh, you have no idea how happy I am to see you!” Patrick jumps with a smile plastered on his face.

“Dude, I’ve missed you too, but it has been one day.”

“Not like that. Well, yeah I miss you too, but more about Tyler.”

“Wait, is he okay?”

“Okay would be a way to describe him. Josh, he’s mute again and now he’s unresponsive. He just stares out the window or into space, rarely moving.”

“Oh, poor Ty. Can I go up?”

“For sure Josh. Even though you don’t work here anymore, I still have you for clearance everywhere because you practically work here anyways. Plus, I hope you come back soon.” Patrick states with a grin.

“Aw, thanks Patrick.” Josh grins as he enters the hospital. 

Imagina feels like Josh’s second home. Despite working here for two years, he was also a patient for two years. Josh feels at ease at Imagina. There is a certain comfort in it. Josh takes the elevator up and walks down the way too familiar hallway to Tyler’s room, feeling a bit sad when he sees his empty office. 

Josh stops in front of Tyler’s door and smiles. He misses this despite only being away for a day. Josh knocks on Tyler’s door and enters into complete silence. 

“Ty?” Josh whispers out to the boy standing in front of the window. This catches Tyler’s attention immediately, making the boy spin around due to his curiosity. Tyler’s eyes instantly widen, being overcome with shock.

“Jo-sh?” Tyler asks with disbelief, shaking his head.

“Mhm, I told you that I wasn’t leaving.” Josh chuckles.

Once Tyler overcomes the surprise, he runs and jumps onto Josh, clutching onto him like a koala. Josh chuckles as he brings both of them onto the bed.

“How you doing Ty?”

“M’kay.”

“You know that’s not true.” Josh confronts Tyler as both a therapist and person that cared.

“Miss-ed you.”

“I know Ty. I missed you too, but that doesn’t mean that you should stop living your life and making progress.”

“Don’t wan-na do any-thing with-out you here.”

“Bud, c’mon. You know that’s irrational. Just because I’m not here doesn’t mean that you should stop getting better. And Ty...please don’t give up on talking.”

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, but promise me to try from now on?”

Tyler nods as he snuggles further into Josh’s chest and they stayed like that for a while, simply enjoying each other’s company. 

Because Josh wasn’t working at Imagina, he had to leave before lights out. Tyler asked Josh when he’d be coming back and all Josh said was: “I don’t know, but hopefully soon. We’ll figure it out Ty.”

With that, Josh promises Tyler that he’ll visit as much as possible and eventually has to pry a teary eyed and screaming Tyler off of him before leaving.  
_____

From the minute Josh left, Tyler slips into another depressive episode. Blurry is loud and Tyler curls up into a ball and cries. Josh isn’t there to help him; Tyler feels utterly alone once again. 

Josh had left around 10pm and the thoughts got worse and worse from then on. Now, Tyler is playing with his bedsheets and carefully calculating things in his head. Blurry is in control now and Tyler is tired of fighting back. 

So, when Dallon stops by at 1:15am for his half hourly checks, Tyler hides his creation under his pillow and pretends to be peacefully asleep. 

Tyler is so tired of fighting and he has no hope left without Josh being there with him. Tyler is hopeless and he just wants the pain to end. 

Once Dallon jots down some notes and exits Tyler’s room, he springs into action. He makes a makeshift noose from his bed sheets and finds a small, almost nonexistent, hook on the very top of the bathroom door. Tonight is going to be the night where all of this ends, where all the pain ends. 

Tyler takes the wrapped bedsheet and drags it towards the bathroom. With that, he attaches the noose to the hook and positions himself in it. Before he steps off the counter, all Tyler could think about was Josh. He keeps repeating the sentence ‘I’m sorry Josh’ over and over in his head. 

With tears soaking his face, Tyler steps off the counter and lets gravity take over. Tyler slowly slips into oblivion.  
_____

Dallon has five patients to supervise on a 30 minute rotation in between each visit. Dallon just finished checking up on his last patient before he is to check backup on Tyler again. 

Dallon really did love the night shift, despite what others would think. There is only one doctor and two nurses present overnight compared to the three doctors and 10 nurses during the day. The ward was peaceful at night and it was nice. Dallon honestly loved helping patients calm down and go to sleep. Many of them had rough times at night and Dallon loved to help the patients through their episodes. 

As Dallon rounds the corner, his nurse senses pick up on something strange. This has happened once before and all he could say was that it didn’t end well. Dallon suddenly feels sick because he realizes that Tyler’s room is next. 

Dallon has been warned to watch Tyler carefully as all staff were aware of Tyler and Josh’s bond and they knew that Tyler won't have a positive response to Josh leaving. 

Dallon ends up running to Tyler’s room, not even knocking on the door before bursting in. He doesn’t see Tyler on the bed and frantically looks around the room trying to spot Tyler. Dallon throws his clipboard on the floor as he searches the room in a frenzy. He eventually reaches the bathroom and his heart drops as he takes in the sight. 

Tyler was hanging by his neck from a bedsheet attached to the top of the door frame. Tyler’s face is blue and his body is limp and slightly jerking. Dallon instantly gets Tyler down on the floor and unties the bedsheets around his neck. He checks for a pulse, determining that Tyler had an extremely weak pulse, but a pulse nonetheless. Dallon pulls out his phone and dials the one person that he knows will pick up with shaky hands and teary eyes.

Dallon speaks the second the line is active, not waiting for the person on the other side to say something first. “Josh?! JOSH?!?!”

“Dallon??? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. But. But Tyler isn’t. Oh my god Josh I-I’m freaking out.” Dallon blurts out with tears starting to stream down his face.

“Dallon, please, breathe. Now, can you please tell me what happened to Tyler?”

“He, he hanged himself. Weak pulse. Please get here soon.”

With that, the line went dead and Dallon collapsed onto the floor.

“Tyler, Tyler please hold on for me. Josh is coming, everything is going to be okay. Stay strong Tyler.” Dallon says while grasping Tyler’s semi-cold hand. “/Please/.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter...sorry?
> 
> _____
> 
> Thanks for all of your support guys, you truly keep me going.


	9. Chapter 9

While Josh is driving like a madman to get to Imagina, Dallon is able to contact the hospital’s ER and gets Tyler transferred there. Tyler’s set up is the stereotypical hospital room: a heart rate monitor, an oxygen mask, and multiple IV’s attached to his body. 

Dallon is able to convince the other night nurse to take the whole night as he stays in the ER with Tyler. The doctors tell him that Tyler will recover, but it was a matter of minutes before he wouldn’t be revived if Dallon had found out any later. 

Tyler is limp on the bed, barely breathing for himself. If there's no heart monitor there, Dallon would think that Tyler is dead. 

Dallon takes the liberty of contacting Patrick in the mid-morning hours to update him on the situation. Patrick decides that he’ll contact the management and try to convince them to transfer Josh back for the sake of Tyler. They can’t afford to let Tyler get worse or attempt to take his life again. They need Josh back and Patrick will make sure of it. 

Josh runs into the ER and nearly threatens the receptionist to give him Tyler’s ER room number. After being told to calm down multiple times, Dallon actually had to verify Josh’s identity before he was allowed clearance. 

Josh bursts into Tyler’s room and sprints up to the bed, crying. He takes ahold of Tyler’s listless hand. 

“Ty… why? Why would you do this?” Josh whispers as tears leak out of his eyes. “...Ty…” Josh blurts before sobbing onto the bed. 

Dallon walks up behind Josh, giving him comforting back rubs. After a while, Dallon and Josh both sit on the uncomfortable hospital chairs and talk to pass time.

Dallon’s shift ended already, but he doesn't want to leave Tyler (and Josh), and Josh takes the day off to accompany Tyler. 

Around 6am, Tyler stirs and Josh promptly jumps to his side, gripping Tyler’s hand in his. Tyler lets out a strangled moan of pain and squeezes his eyes shut, presumably because of the light.

“Shhh it’s okay Ty. I’m here now and everything’s going to be okay.” Josh soothes as he rubs the back of Tyler’s hand in a circular motion.

“Mmph Jo-sh.” Tyler says gutturally with a hint of hope in his voice. 

“Yeah bud, it’s me. I’m here.” Josh states, seeing a slight smile form on Tyler’s face as he drifts back to sleep.  
_____

Patrick stops by Tyler’s ER room before heading upstairs to the ward. 

All three exchange conversation. Dallon tells Patrick exactly what happened. Josh tells Patrick how Tyler will be under observance for one more day and get transferred back up to his own room in the ward under 24 hour watch for the next two following days. Patrick tells Josh how he is currently talking to management to get Josh transferred back, but in the meantime, they’ve allowed Josh to be the one to supervise Tyler in the two day transition period. All three of them are pretty sure that Josh will be able to resume work at Imagina after the two days, so Josh takes the liberty of connecting with Joe. 

Patrick heads upstairs and Dallon heads home, leaving Josh with Tyler. Tyler wakes around 10am and is extremely weak. Tyler is given pain killers and an oxygen supplement to restabilize his body due to the lack of oxygen for an extended period of time. 

Josh and Tyler make small talk, both appreciating each others company. 

“You know, you’re stuck with me for at least the next two days nonstop?” Josh ‘asks’ Tyler.

“Darn.” Tyler mumbles out with a smile, but his smile fades and his head drops. “I’m sor-ry Josh.”

“Ty, bud, please hear me out. You don’t have to be sorry, I know that this was really hard for you and it was hard for me too. I know that Blurry has been extremely loud in the past couple of days and I haven’t been there to help you. Now, I’m going to try my hardest to make sure that this never happens again. I really do mean it when I say that I’m not leaving you Ty. This isn’t what any of us wanted to happen, but you’re still alive and that’s all I can ask for right now. We will get through this together Ty and we’ll beat Blurry eventually. I will never give up on you and in return, I need you to never give up on fighting Blurry.”

“I’ll try Jo-sh. I did-n’t want this to hap-pen.”

“I know, none of us wanted this to happen, but it did. It will get better and we’ll make sure that it never happens again. Now, on a happier note, I missed your hugs so can I get off this hard chair and climb onto that soft bed of yours?”

“Ha, yeah.” Tyler says, scooting over. 

Josh climbs onto the bed while actively trying to avoid all the wires. The ER room is a lot more ‘hospitally’ compared to Tyler’s room and both boys miss the old one.

They pass the rest of the day by talking, making jokes, and laughing. It doesn’t even feel like they’ve been apart and it definitely doesn’t seem like Tyler tried to take his life less than 24 hours ago. Tyler has made it clear that Josh was his life, but in all honesty, Tyler was becoming Josh’s life. Neither of them could imagine living without the other and no one could disagree that they were meant for each other. The six year difference doesn't seem to matter and most importantly, their situation doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that Josh is technically taking care of Tyler; it doesn't matter that Josh is technically Tyler’s therapist. It doesn't matter because what does matter is the fact that the two are hopelessly falling for each other, both not wanting to address it.  
_____

In the morning, Josh walks Tyler back up to the ward and to his room. Tyler’s room had countless safety precautions put in place and things secured/taken out. This saddened both boys but neither talked about it. 

Tyler settled back into his bed and Josh later joined him. They put on the TV and sat in silence as an episode of The Amazing Race plays. About half way through, both boys look at each other and Tyler speaks:

“I miss-ed this.”

“Me too Ty.”

“I hope that you’ll get transferred back here…” Tyler says with a hint of hope in his eyes and Josh responds with a sigh.

“...Me too, but we just gotta wait and see. Let’s just enjoy the next two days that know we have together.”

“Mmph.” Tyler sputters out as he snuggles further into Josh’s side, Josh bringing his hand around Tyler to pull him closer. Tyler wraps his hands around Josh’s torso and Josh looks down to the curled Tyler. Josh’s affection instantly grows as he sees the peaceful creature below him and decides to plant a kiss on the top of Tyler’s head. Tyler responds by looking up at Josh with the biggest grin plastered on his face. Tyler slowly gets up to Josh’s level and stares into Josh with big doe eyes. 

“Can I please?” Tyler asks with a pinch of fear in his voice. 

Josh isn’t quite sure of what Tyler is asking him, but nods regardless because he hopes what he wants will happen. It does. Tyler and Josh both lean in and connect their lips in a way that seems almost too natural. The kiss ends as fast as it started and the two of them look at each other in pure joy. The moment continues as Tyler retakes his earlier position and curls back into Josh pressing his body closer to gain some of Josh’s body heat.  
_____

Patrick’s goal for the day is to get management to okay the re-transferring of Josh back to Imagina. He contacts every single person in relation to management and is going to get his point across. 

Patrick is going to fight for Josh to ensure that nothing like this happens to Tyler again. It was way too risky and way too close. Tyler is making amazing progress with Josh and there's no way that Patrick will allow it to stop. 

Tyler was dubbed a hopeless case for as long as anyone could remember and he is finally making improvements with Josh. Tyler is becoming a work in progress, and everyone is starting to see hope.

After Patrick sends dozens of emails and phone calls, he eventually gets a response from his boss. After babbling for 30 minutes about why Josh should get transferred back, his boss cuts him off and gives in just for Patrick to stop talking. Patrick squeals with joy and jumps from his chair, running to Tyler’s room after the call ends.  
_____

Tyler and Josh are just enjoying each other’s company, cuddled up together. Josh rubs Tyler’s back as Tyler closes his eyes in serenity. The comfortable silence was suddenly interrupted by an obnoxiously loud knocking on the door. Before Tyler or Josh could answer, the door flies open and Patrick runs in, slamming the door behind him.

Josh jolts at the noise and so does Tyler. Once they realize that it’s Patrick, Josh straightens up and Tyler rubs his eyes while sitting up. He lays his head on Josh’s shoulder and his eyes flutter open, looking at Patrick with curiosity. 

“Can you please tell us what that was about?” Josh asks with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

“Sorry, sorry.” Patrick pants out from his lack of breath (he really should work about more). “I have great news!!!” He practically screams, bouncing with delight.

“...Well?” Josh says somewhat annoyed.

“I got you transferred back here!! Like forever...hopefully.” Patrick states with a huge grin.

“Really?” Tyler questions in disbelief and Josh sits next to him speechless with his mouth wide open.

“Yeah!” Patrick exclaims, high fiving himself.

“Oh my god.” Josh breathes out, eyes still wide. “I can’t...I can’t believe this. Pat! Thank you!!!!!” 

“I should be thanking you Josh, seriously. Now, your job hasn’t changed one bit from the day you left. I’ll talk to you later today about specifics, so just see me when you can.”

“Sure thing Pat, thanks once again.” 

“Yup!” Patrick says as he waltzes out of the room.

Once Patrick leaves, Tyler and Josh are both still speechless from the news. Eventually, the shock overcomes them and they share an ardent kiss. Tyler later burrows himself in his blanket and lays his arm across Josh’s lap, falling asleep.

They were happy and they knew that they’d get through this together. They were falling for each other and both of them knew it.  
_____

Josh untagles himself from Tyler as the boy is sound asleep. He creeps out of the room, hoping not to wake Tyler. 

He finally reaches Patrick’s office and knocks before opening the door. 

“Hey Pat! Wanted to see me?”

“Hey and yeah. We gotta talk about Tyler’s plan for treatment and prevention.”

“For sure, do you have any ideas?”

“Well, for starters, I was hoping that you could stay with him the whole time during your shift. At night, we’ll have Dallon do 10 minute check ins.”

“That sounds good, but I’ll be taking care of him for the two day watch right?”

“Right, and as always, talk to him and learn more about what is driving all of this. The faster we can help him get better, the faster he can go live his life.”

Josh responds with a nod and waves Patrick goodbye as he walks back to Tyler’s room to spend the night.


	10. Chapter 10

Josh wakes up way too early, so he decides to go down to the cafeteria for some coffee. After his morning caffeine fix, Josh goes into his empty office, and begins to unpack the boxes of his belongings that Illumin sent back to him. 

Josh begins redecorating his office, and relearns Imagina’s routine. It didn’t take long until it seemed like Josh never left, and that made Josh smile.

When Josh logs on, he gets pulled into an emergency meeting via Skype. The meeting runs for a long time, and Josh realizes that Tyler has probably woken up by now. Not wanting to upset Tyler, Josh pages Patrick to inform Tyler that Josh is on a call, and to give Tyler his breakfast and meds.

30 minutes later, Josh hears a crash outside of his door and a scream that sounded too much like Tyler. Luckily, the meeting was just finishing up, allowing Josh to open his door. 

Josh is momentarily confused because the hallway looks completely normal. This is until Josh hears a scream coming from Tyler’s room and another bang on the wall. With that, Josh scrambles to open Tyler’s door, finding Tyler on the floor and Brendon too close to him. 

Brendon doesn’t register that Josh is there, but Tyler does. Tyler locks his watery eyes with Josh when Brendon beings screaming again.

“Tyler! Take your damn medicine!!” Brendon says thrusting the cup of pills towards him again, making Tyler sink further into the wall.

Tyler’s eyes somewhat glass over before his leg comes flying up, kicking Brendon to the floor and punching him while shaking violently.

Josh springs into action, grabbing Tyler’s waist, pulling him off of Brendon. Brendon immediately runs out of the room in a frenzy, and Tyler continues floundering in Josh’s arms, his limbs flying everywhere making Josh more alert. 

“Ty, Ty, calm down.”

“L-LET GO OF ME! DON’T TOU-CH ME!”

“Ty, it’s Josh. I’m not gonna hurt you, I need you to calm down for-”

“LET GO! LET GO! GO AWAY!” Tyler screams at the top of his lungs as tears flow out of his eyes. “I’m sorry, it won’t ha-ppen again.” Tyler adds in a whisper.

Josh realizes that Tyler is most likely having a flashback to his abuse, so Josh places Tyler on his bed, and steps away.

“P-please don’t hurt me. I’m so-rry.” Tyler mumbles as he remains shaking before giving one last scream: “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

With that, Josh decides to give Tyler some space, and steps just outside of the room, sitting right outside of the door. Once Josh catches his breath again, he looks up and sees Brendon sitting a couple feet away from him.

“Brendon, what the hell?!”

“I’m sorry! It’s been a rough day, and he wouldn't take the meds, and I got frustrated.”

“I understand that Bren, but you can’t just go around triggering him into a violent flashback. You know he’s sensitive!”

“I know! I’m sorry Josh, I think I’m gonna go ask Pat for the rest of the day off...”

“Yeah, that’d be smart. I’m just gonna camp outside his door until he comes back to reality.”

“Sounds good, and sorry again Josh.”

“It’s fine, you really should be apologizing to Tyler, not me.”

“I will. Tomorrow.” Brendon nods as he begins to stand up. “Bye Dun!”

“Bye Bren.” Josh says as he rests his head on the wall after Brendon starts to walk away. 

Josh sits in the hallway, back against the wall for another 30 minutes before deciding to check in on Tyler. He gets up to his feet, and knocks on the door before opening it.

Tyler sits in the middle of the room, curled up into a shaking ball, crying. This reminded Josh so much of the second time he met Tyler during one of his panic attacks. Josh’s heart hurt to see Tyler hurting so much. 

“Hey, Ty?” Josh says cautiously, voice going up an octave. “You there bud?” Josh asks as he approaches Tyler carefully, taking a seat on the floor a foot away.

“Ty? Can you hear me?” Josh asks with concern and receives a slight nod in response. “Good! Ty, can you please look at me?”

Tyler slowly brings his head up from his hands, face red with handprints and eyes swollen from tears. Tyler’s eyes widen with affection when meeting sight of Josh.

“Come’re bud.” Josh says, opening his arms for Tyler. Tyler’s lips slightly tug up when he begins to crawl into Josh’s lap, still sniffling and wiping his eyes dry. “It’s okay, I got you.” Josh soothes as he rubs his hand over Tyler’s back in a calming motion, both sinking into further relaxation onto the hospital floor. 

They stay like that for an hour before both of them feel aches from being on the floor too long. Without speaking, they transfer to the bed and resume to cuddling. 

After Tyler falls asleep, Josh manages to get out of the room and go to Patrick’s office to give him an update on Tyler. Surprisingly, the office door is wide open, so Josh just walks in. Patrick isn’t in the room, which is rare. Confused, Josh turns around, trying to find another coworker to ask about Patrick’s whereabouts. Walking down the hallway, Josh hears a loud bang come from upstairs (the adult psychiatric ward) then feels a buzz in his pocket. Reaching to grab his pager, he is met with message code: ABLD on the screen. 

All building lock down. This hardly ever happens. Actually, Josh could only remember one other instance of going into ABLD. It was within the first month of him working at Imagina. ABLD happened where there was a patient, psychiatric ward or not, that has shown the possibility of posing a threat to the other people in the hospital. All the doctors were given the location of the incident to help manage it when all of the other staff were to close hallway doors, and lock patient rooms while having at least one staff member with the patients. 

Josh closes Patrick’s office door while jogging back down the hallway to lock the back door, and go back into Tyler’s room. 

To Josh’s surprise, Tyler is wide awake, watching some reality TV show. Josh closes the door behind him and locks it; he’s never locked the door in Tyler’s presence before. Tyler takes notice and immediately asks why Josh is locking the door with a hint of fear lacing his voice.

“Don’t worry Ty, I’m not going to hurt you. The hospital is going into lockdown for a little bit while the doctors are able to contain someone upstairs. You’re safe.”

“W-what? Lockdown? Josh! That means we’re in dan-ger!!” Tyler says, suddenly alert, sitting straight up on his bed now.

“Ty, we’re not in danger. The person can’t get here. We have all the doors locked and there’s many people outside to protect you.”

By the time Josh is able to explain that, Tyler already enters a panic attack, and from the looks of it, it's a bad one. 

Tyler’s chest begins heaving while trying to intake breaths, and Tyler is supporting himself with his arms out behind him. Tears begin to well up in his eyes, and Tyler goes powerless as the panic took over. Tyler is now lying flat on the bed, nearly hyperventilating. 

Josh quickly gets off the bed to give Tyler space, and administers a liquid form of Tyler’s PRN medication (Atarax) through an IV to hopefully calm Tyler down. When Josh is inserting the needle into Tyler’s vein, tears leak out of Tyler’s eyes and his breathing pattern almost looks painful. 

“Ty, everything’s going to be okay. I need you to try to control your breathing right now. I know it’s really hard and scary, but I need you to try your best. The PRN should be helping you soon, you got this Ty. I’m not leaving, and you’re going to be okay.”

Once the solution begins flowing into Tyler’s system, Tyler is able to somewhat regulate his breathing. Tyler lays still on the bed breathing heavily, most likely not being able to move from the panic and exhaustion. 

Josh grabs a wet towel and wipes Tyler’s forehead. 

“It’s okay Ty. You’re doing so well, so well. I’m so proud of you Ty.” Josh reassures, continuing to drag the towel across Tyler’s body, hoping to cool Tyler off a bit.

After about 40 minutes, Tyler is able to move slightly, choosing to scoot closer to Josh. His breathing is still faulty, and tears still slip out of his eyes, but it's still progress.

After another 30 minutes, Tyler is able to calm down fully, and form breaky sentences. 

“Th-at was s-so bad Jo-sh.” Tyler croaks out.

“I know Ty, I think that was your worst one yet, but we got over it! You did it!”

“Mmph. Is the lo-ckdown over?” Tyler asks, looking up to Josh’s face.

“Yup, we’re all good Ty.”

“Mmm. I’m sor-ry.”

“For what?” Josh says with a slight chuckle.

“For hav-ing a panic att-ack.”

“Ty, are you serious? You don’t have to apologize for something instinctual happening. The thought of being locked in must’ve scared you huh?”

“Yeah...my par-ents would lock me in my ro-om for days when they were mad.”

“Oh gosh. I’m so sorry Ty, but you’re safe now, and I’ll never let you be in danger.” Josh states sincerely. 

“I know, thank you for be-ing my angel.”

“Tyyyyy. You’re /my/ angel. You’re a beam of light that doesn’t deserve any of this, but we will beat it together.” Josh says while grabbing ahold of Tyler’s hand. “Now, I’m sure you’re pretty exhausted from that panic attack, so let’s sleep?”

“Yeah.” Tyler agrees as he turns and places his head on his pillow with a smile.

Josh lays on the bed accompanying Tyler until he is peacefully asleep, kissing Tyler’s forehead before falling asleep himself.


	11. Chapter 11

To put it simply, Tyler has been making amazing progress, and it has been evident to everyone who worked with him. 

Tyler’s team is having a check-in meeting later this day to re-evaluate Tyler’s care and plan. Josh has been preparing for this meeting for days on end, compiling reports and preparing answers to typical questions. Patrick’s boss is the main person who needs to be impressed in order to continue and advance Tyler’s care. 

Patrick and Josh have been talking about the possibility of progressively exposing Tyler to group and open environments, hoping that it will ease Tyler back into somewhat normal living, with the end goal of having Tyler released from Imagina and into the real world. 

With 20 minutes remaining until the meeting, Josh wakes Tyler up, giving him his meds and breakfast. After spending some time getting Tyler fully conscious, Josh says bye to Tyler, and begins walking to Patrick’s office. 

Josh and Patrick do some last minute review before going to the meeting room. When they walked into the room, Pete and the boss were already sitting down at the table. 

Tyler’s team is smaller compared to other patients’. This is mainly because Tyler will only let a handful of people interact with him. Normally, patients have 2-3 carers/therapists while Tyler just has (and really only needs) Josh. 

The meeting promptly starts, first discussing Tyler’s previous condition before being transferred to Imagina. All of them are aware of Tyler’s profile and how unique of a case he is. They were also all aware of the incredible progress Tyler has made after being transferred to Imagina, most credit going to Josh. 

Josh soon shares all of his records and thoughts on Tyler’s plan and care. He makes sure to note each advancement made, effectively transitioning into the newly acquired information from the boy. Discussing the past abuse and concept of Blurryface helps them realize how serious and fragile Tyler is; there are countless triggers and fears that are embedded into Tyler’s brain. Even though Tyler is getting better at learning how to live with these fears and triggers, he's still prone to get provoked. 

Because of all the noted progress, all of them agree on a plan to push Tyler slightly out of his comfort zone to gently expose him to the real world. 

They discuss the possibility of giving Tyler ward leave with Josh to walk the hospital together and eventually outside. Ideas of having Tyler start joining group sessions and communal spaces are also discussed. 

They eventually decide on bringing people into Tyler’s room for expanded social interaction as the first step. Once comfortable, they will attempt ward leave and hopefully achieve group session and communal space attendance. 

They know the plan is ambitious, but they also know that Tyler needs further exposure if he ever wants to be released from Imagina to live his life. 

_____

Josh feels good about Tyler’s exposure plan because Josh knows that Tyler can do it. It won't be an easy feat, but Josh will be there for Tyler every step of the way. 

Walking back down the hallway to Tyler’s room, Josh waves to his fellow co-workers and occasionally makes small talk along the way. 

Josh enters Tyler’s room after knocking on the door, seeing Tyler curled up in his blankets.

“Heyo Tyo!”

“Hi Josh.” Tyler responds, turning his body over to to face Josh. 

“What’s up bud? Are you cold??” Noting how Tyler was basically buried in his blankets.

“Y-yeah.” Tyler says, shuffling deeper into his pile of blankets. “B-but don’t leave!”

Josh is basically out of the door when Tyler eagerly adds his request. This takes Josh by surprise and causes him to quickly turn around, almost giving him whiplash.

“What?” Josh asks, confused. 

“I-I sorry. You can go if you wa-nt…”

“Ty, I won’t leave if you don’t want me to.”

“Okay...thank you.”

“Dude, you ain't gotta thank me. Now, want to scoot over, so I can lay next to you?” Josh suggests, inching closer to the bed while Tyler promptly moves over, allowing Josh to get under the blankets.

The first thing Josh notices is that Tyler is not cold. They have three blankets on them, and Tyler is actually sweating.

“Ty?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re not cold; why do you say you are?” Josh outright asks, soon realizing the poor choice as he is met with silence from Tyler. “Ty?”

“Mmm.”

“Can you please answer me? I won’t be mad if that’s what you’re afraid of.” Josh says, using his arm as a pillow. Tyler thinks about it for a second before shaking his head. “Ty. I need you to tell me what’s bothering you, so I can help you.”

Josh decides to give Tyler some time to get the words right. After a few moments, Tyler draws in a deep breath before starting:

“Peo-ple leave me a-lone if I don’t feel good.”

“So you want to be alone right now?”

“I-I want you here.” Tyler says sheepishly, face slightly reddening.

“There’s nothing wrong with that Ty, but can you please tell me why you want to be alone? I won’t leave.”

“People won’t lea-ve me alone. They bo-ther me, force me to do th-ings I don’t want to do, a-nnoy me, treat me like a kid. I just wa-nt a break.”

“Oh Ty, you gotta tell us if you feel that way, we can’t read your mind. We’re never gonna purposely make you do something you don’t want to, and you should know that.”

“Mmm, but I just want a b-reak today.” Tyler sighs out. “Please.”

“Sure, we’ll take it easy today. Nothing but cuddling, how does that sound?” Josh asks, peeling off a blanket layer.

“Good.” Tyler responds with a slight grin on his face as he snuggles deeper into the blankets and closer to Josh. 

Josh knows that he needs to tell Tyler about the meeting and the new plan. Josh knows that Tyler won’t be happy about it. Josh knows that they’re planning on starting tomorrow, but Josh didn’t want to ruin this moment for Tyler. 

Tyler seems to be having a pretty rough day so far, and Josh doesn’t want to be the one to make it worse. It’s because of this that Josh decides to tell Tyler around dinner time, giving Tyler a few more hours of serenity. 

Josh lays there, allowing Tyler to rest his head on Josh’s chest. Tyler’s head settles on Josh’s left arm while Tyler’s arms are around Josh’s torso. Josh is being hugged from all directions, and Tyler looks like a koala clung onto Josh. 

Josh smiles at the moment; words cannot describe how much Josh cares about Tyler. Josh will do anything for Tyler; Josh will do anything to see Tyler happy. 

There are people in the world that don’t deserve to be going through the shit they’re going through. Those people have done nothing wrong, yet get all the consequences. Tyler is a prime example of one of those people, and it hurts Josh to see how much Tyler has and is going through. 

As Tyler dozes in and out of consciousness throughout the day, Josh is actively planning Tyler’s exposure tasks. He figures that he’ll bring in similar patients and some staff before moving on to ward leave; of course, starting off with introducing Tyler to one person first then seeing what logically comes next. 

While thinking, Josh realizes that Tyler has been sleeping an awful lot lately, so he makes a mental note to confide with Patrick about it. Once the clock signals dinner time, Josh gently shakes Tyler awake. 

“Ty, c’mon get up bud.”

“Whhyyyyyy?”

“Cuz you gotta eat dinner, then you can sleep again.”

“Ughghghgh.”

“Stop being so dramatic dude. Let’s go. Up, up, up.” Josh nags, flipping the blanket over exposing both of them to a cold draft, and (ultimately) further annoying Tyler. “Come onnnnnn.” Josh says once again, trying to pull Tyler up by his arm. 

Tyler eventually gives up, and gets up on his own, sticking his tongue out at Josh in the process. 

“Fine, Mr. Sassy. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Mhm.”

With that, Josh walks over to the nurse’s station, grabs Tyler’s tray of dinner, and walks back into the room. Tyler, over time, has adapted to be able to eat around Josh, so they normally make small talk or jokes while Tyler is eating. 

“Dude, I don’t care a-bout guacamole. Ranch should be free every-where.”

“You use guacamole more than ranch! You seriously only need ranch for wings.”

“That’s so wr-ong! Ranch goes with everything. Every-thing Josh!”

“Whatever, guacamole should be free…”

Their friendly banter continues for a while longer until Tyler finishes his dinner. Josh drops the tray back off at the nurse’s station, and climbs back onto Tyler’s bed. 

“TV?” Tyler asks Josh, making grabby hands towards the remote.

“Not yet...I kinda gotta tell you something.”

“Is it bad?” A hint of fear overcoming Tyler’s facial expression. 

“No, no, just an update. I guess.”

“You guess?” Tyler doubts.

“Well, yeah. Okay, here. Your care team had a meeting this morning to discuss your progress and future plans or adaptations to your care, and-”

“And you didn’t t-tell me?!” Tyler interrupts, annoyed. 

“I didn’t want you to unnecessarily worry.”

“Would’ve be-en nice to know…” Tyler mumbles under his breath.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get anxious about it.” 

“Mmm.”

“Okay, well long story short, we all agree that you’ve been making tremendous progress, and we want to push you outside of your comfort zone a little.”

“What does that mean?” Tyler asks hesitantly.

“It means that we’re gonna do some exposure tasks with you starting tomorrow. Starting out with introducing you to a few people in this room, then going on ward leave, and eventually have you socialize in group sessions and the commons.”

“Josh, I don’t wanna!”

“I know, Ty. I’m sorry, but we gotta keep this progress going right? I know it’s scary, but I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I know that you wanna get out of here someday, and to do that, you gotta be able to overcome the fear of socialization.”

“I-I Jo-sh I ca-n’t.” Tyler stutters out, beginning to hyperventilate.

“Ty. Ty, look at me please.” Josh says, positioning himself in front of Tyler. “Breathe. I don’t want you to go into a panic attack right now, okay? Breathe, everything’s okay Ty. We’re gonna figure this out together. We’re gonna do this together, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’m never leaving your side, I promise.”

Tyler soon gets his breath under control, and the two of them stay silent for the rest of the night. The feeling wouldn’t be described as tension, more of underlying fear for both of them. Tyler is scared about the idea itself, and Josh is scared about how Tyler will react to the situations. 

Tyler soon goes back to sleep, and Josh stays on the bed for a while longer until going to his office to get some work done. 

Josh is anxious about tomorrow. This plan can either be a success or complete failure. Josh wants Tyler to overcome this fear, but it's more than a fear; it is a phobia that is engraved in his brain from his childhood. 

‘Please let tomorrow be okay.’ Josh thinks as he tidies up his office and drives back home.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in a while. These past 2 weeks have been extremely hard on me mental health wise, especially because a teacher mistook suicidal thoughts for being suicidal (my whole school admin was basically on unnecessary suicide watch for me until my psychologist had to call them and clear things up). Also, sorry for the short chapter; it's all I could manage. I'll try to bring myself to write again soon, but I can't promise much.
> 
> I know there's a lot of bad happening, but please don't over look all the good happening! Don't lose hope because peace will win and fear will lose. <3 |-/

Josh got to Imagina early today because he wanted to make sure that Tyler was okay before starting their exposure plan. Josh thought long and hard about what to do first. He eventually decided that he’ll begin by introducing Andy, another kid that struggles with depression, to Tyler first, and see how it goes.

Walking through the hallway, Josh waves to Patrick and Brendon before continuing on his journey. He checked in his office first before heading back out to Tyler’s room.

Tyler’s door was left open, so Josh just stepped in. He didn’t find Tyler on the bed, so he instinctively glanced to the corner. With that Josh is met with Tyler sitting on the floor, hugging his knees, and closing his eyes. Slowly approaching the small boy, Josh crouches down to Tyler’s eye level.

“Ty? What’s wrong?”

“Don’t wan-na meet people.”

“Ty, we don’t have to do that today. We’ll start when you’re ready; you don’t have to work yourself up over this, okay?”

“…Okay”

“Good. Now, can we please get on that bed, and off the floor?”

“Mmm.”

_____

Tyler finally calmed down after 40 minutes, and Josh stayed by his side the whole time. Tyler actually barely slept the night before fearing today, and that broke Josh’s heart. Josh knew that he needs to get Tyler to at least try to meet Andy today. 

Despite wanting to give Tyler all the time he needs to adjust and prepare, Josh has deadlines to meet, and other people need to see Tyler overcoming his fear. Josh knows that it wasn’t as simple as that, but he had to force Tyler into this. It isn’t Josh’s choice when to start, or what to do, he just had to get the plan done. 

“Ty? Bud, I know you don’t want to, but can you please try to meet one person today? He’s a really sweet kid, and he’s kinda like you. His name is Andy. He’s 17 too.”

“Josh, I really don’t wanna.” Tyler mumbles.

“Why Ty?” 

Josh is met with silence.

“Maybe I can help you if you tell me what’s up…” Josh gently suggests.

“I’ll scare him off. He’ll bu-lly me. I’ll make a fool of my-self.”

“What makes you think that?”

“BECAUSE IT HAS HAP-PENED EVERYTIME I MEET SOME-ONE NEW!!!” Tyler screams, bolting up into a sitting position.

“Ty, calm. Please.” Josh said while taking a deep breath. “Plus, you didn’t scare me away.”

“It’s be-cause you had to stay with me.”

“No Tyler, I stick around because I want to. Because I like you, not because I have to.”

“No, you’re not. Plus, why do you think I have no friends?”

“Tyler...you have friends.”

“NO I DON’T JOSH! WHEN WILL YOU UNDER-STAND THAT NO ONE LIKES ME. THAT I DON’T HAVE FRI-ENDS?!?!” Tyler yells with a shaky voice on the verge of tears.

“Ty, please. Breathe-” Josh calms before getting cut off.

“Josh. People hate me. Always have, and always will. All of the friends that I’ve had were out of pity, or they were a joke who end up stabbing me in the back.”

“Then maybe Andy can be your first true friend?”

“I thought we were friends…” Tyler asks, looking up to Josh with watery eyes. 

“And I thought we were more than friends.” Josh states in a half playful, half serious way.

This makes Tyler smile wide, and his heart flutters. Tyler doesn’t know what to do, or say. He just sits there like a ginning idiot, but before his mind can do anything about it, Josh breaks the silence:

“I love you Tyler.”

Tyler is in disbelief, utter shock. This couldn’t be happening. No one has ever loved Tyler; his parents hated him, and he had no friends. This couldn’t be happening; this is all Tyler had ever dreamed of. 

“I-I love you too Josh.”

The dream ends with both boys kissing, but of course, Josh kills the mood:

“Alrighty, can I introduce you to Andy now?”

“Josh!”

“Bad timing. Blah, blah, blah. I still have to do my job.” Josh says, winking slyly.

“Ugh.” Tyler says with frustration, throwing his hands up in mock anger.

“But in all seriousness, can you please try to meet Andy for me?”

“I-I’ll try, but I’m scared Josh.”

“I know you are, but I’ll be here the whole time, and I think you guys will have a lot in common! Ima go get him. Be right back, okay? You can do this Ty, I believe in you.”

“O-kay.”

Josh steps out of the room, and Tyler plops onto his bed. 

Tyler didn’t want to meet Andy. He wanted to be antisocial, but he had to meet Andy. He wanted to do it for Josh, and honestly, he didn’t have a choice. 

_____

Andy used to be one of Josh’s patients before Tyler came; Brendon takes care of him now. Andy has been in Imagina for a year, and has made tremendous improvements. He came to Imagina extremely violent and uncooperative. Now, Andy is a sweet and chill kid. Truthfully, Josh thinks that Andy should’ve been discharged already, but he still has a month left.

Andy’s room was close to the entrance of the ward. He had it covered in rock band posters and flags since the doctors cleared him to be stable enough for room decorations; Andy loved heavy metal and rock. He had a good amount of tattoos, but don’t judge him because he’s one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. 

Josh had previously asked Andy about meeting Tyler, so Josh knocks upon entering, knowing that Andy would be soon ready. 

“Hurley!”

“Josh!!” Andy says excitedly from the chair, walking up to Josh, and greeting him with their own handshake. 

Andy was dressed in a black sweatshirt and jeans. Once again, Andy had been cleared to wear his own clothes since he wasn’t at risk. Josh hoped that Tyler would eventually get to this point knowing that Tyler was stuck in a ‘safe’ hospital gown and plain room for now. 

The two of them made small talk as they walk down the hallway. Josh gave Andy a bit more information about Tyler (everything that he can legally share, of course). Once they reached the door, Josh asked Andy to wait outside first while Josh makes sure that Tyler is stable. 

When Josh walked into the room, Tyler was sitting on the bed, and staring off into space. 

“Ty? You okay?”

“Hmm?” Tyler asks, still spaced out.

“Ty.” Josh says firmly causing Tyler to break his stare and look up. “Waaa? Yeah? Sorry Josh.”

“It’s all good. You okay?”

Tyler takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes for a split second. “Let’s get this over with…” Tyler mumbles.

“Well, that’s the spirit.” Josh jokes, walking to the door to let Andy in. 

Andy steps through the door timidly, scared of what Tyler might do, or say. To Andy’s surprise, Tyler stays quiet, and just observes the boy. 

“Umm. Hi Tyler, my name is Andy.”

Tyler keeps staring at Andy wearily. Tyler is so close to just running out of the room, or screaming. Tyler doesn’t do people; people and Tyler don’t match. Tyler doesn’t know what to do; he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say.

Awkward silence filled the room, and Tyler knew that he had to speak; he just didn’t know how to get the words out.

Tyler swallows before beginning: “H-hi…”

Josh sits back, watching eagerly. He needed this to go well, but he couldn’t intervene; Tyler had to do this himself.

“So, um. How’s your day going?” Andy asks, uncomfortably sitting down on a chair.

“O-kay, you?”

“Mine’s pretty good.” Andy says before adding: “Other than Brendon ripping off my blankets this morning.” Andy says with a dramatic eye roll, trying to lighten the mood. This causes Tyler to laugh, something Tyler and Josh haven’t heard in a while.

“Josh is pretty annoy-ing too.”

“Tell me about it...I’m so glad you saved me from him.”

Andy and Tyler both laugh while Josh makes an effort to defend himself:

“Hey! I’ll have you know that I’m pretty cool, and I think I’m the bomb.”

Tyler quirks his eyebrow up, and Andy responds:

“Yeah, /you/ think you’re cool. None of us do.”

“Geez.” Josh says, clutching his heart comedically. “Did you hear that? That was my heart breaking.”

Andy does another eye roll: “See what I mean? Sooooo annoying and dramatic.”

Tyler chuckles: “Yeah, he’s so high main-tenance.”

_____

The three of them end up talking and hanging out in Tyler’s room until dinner time. Tyler and Andy initially bonded over making fun of Josh, but eventually moved on to music and hobbies. 

Josh learned that Andy played the drums, just like him, and that Tyler could sing and play too many instruments. Imagina allowed all instruments, except drums and electric guitar/bass, for cleared patients. After learning how much of an impact music had on Tyler’s sanity, Josh was saddened by this rule, and he’d make a note to ask Patrick about it later. 

Tyler and Andy actually became pretty close after a few hours. They both enjoyed their time together, and each other’s company. 

Brendon would later stick his head in the room to call Andy to dinner. Before leaving, Tyler asked if Andy could come back the next day, and Josh (of course) said yes. 

_____

“Well won’t you look at that Ty.” Josh states while giving Tyler his dinner tray.

“What? It’s the same food on re-peat, and it isn’t very good by the way.”

“Dude, I meant the Andy meetup.” Josh laughs.

“Oh, haha. Yeah, it was nice.”

“I’m so glad it worked out Ty. Who knows, maybe you’ll be long time friends.”

“That’d be nice Josh, but my ‘friends’ don’t stay a-round.”

“Andy might be different Ty. He needs a friend too, and you two get along pretty well.”

“Ha. Yeah…” Tyler sighs. “I hope I don’t screw this one up too…”

“Have some faith in yourself because I do. You’re a great friend, and we’re lucky to know you. Don’t discount yourself because you deserve so much more.”

“Mmm. Thanks Josh.”

“Yup, yup. Now finish eating so we can cuddle, and catch up on our Spongebob marathon.”

“Mhm. High mainte-nance for sure.”

“Oh shut it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the kudos and comments keep me going, really. Thanks for the support, love ya guys.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just as surprised as you are that a chapter got written lol. I hope y'all enjoy; I decided to add some more happiness to the fic before it gets "dark" again :)

The rest of the week consisted of Andy and Tyler hanging out during the day with Josh hanging out in the corner; the two of them became good friends. 

Tyler’s speech was nearly stutter free, and Josh could tell that Tyler’s confidence has increased. Tyler wasn’t afraid of making jokes, and was more relaxed around people other than Josh. It was amazing progress, all thanks to Andy. 

Andy was also making great progress. Andy was truly happy, and that convinced the hospital to discharge him two weeks earlier, giving him one more week at Imagina. Everyone was so happy for Andy when the news was announced; Tyler and Josh both congratulated him, but all of them knew that Tyler was unhappy about it. 

Tyler was bitter towards everyone for the next three days, but after Josh talked some sense into him, Tyler tried to enjoy the last four days with Andy. Andy and Tyler bonded more than ever over their short time together, and it was obvious that the two were best friends. 

The day that Andy was discharged was both a happy and sad one. Andy gave Tyler his phone number, so they could get back in contact with each other when Tyler gets discharged. 

Tyler was practically mourning the rest of the day, so Josh decided to take a chance with something he’d been thinking about for a while now.   
_____

“Hey, Pat?” Josh asks, standing in the doorway.

“Yeah? What’s up Dun?”

“Okay, so you know how Tyler has been making great progress?” Josh suggests, walking towards a chair, and sitting down.

“Mhm…?”

“Well, I was wondering if we could-”

“-Move on to the next exposure task! Yes!” Patrick cuts Josh off with enthusiasm.

“Um, well yeah I guess, but I wanted to ask you something else.”

“For sure, but let’s figure out ward leave first.” Patrick says before he starts rambling: “I’m assuming that we’ll start off with introducing him to the commons, then move onto the ward, and eventually the hospital. Maybe we can even give him hospital leave eventually! All with you of course. Oh my gosh! Josh! We could introduce Tyler to all the other patients and doctors. He could make more friends! We can even-”

Before Patrick could get anymore out, Josh decides to interrupt him: “-Pat. Hold on”

“Hmm? What?”

“Pat, I’m glad that you have all those amazing ideas, and I agree with a lot of them, but that’s not what I came here for. I wanted to somehow reward Tyler for his achievements and improvement before forcing him into more exposure tasks.”

“Okaaayyy?” Patrick hesitates. “What are you thinking of?”

“Um. Well.” Josh spits out, not knowing how to approach the subject. “I was wondering if we could allow Tyler to have instruments.” 

Josh is met with utter silence, so he further suggests: “Or, or. Maybe just one?” Josh asks shyly. 

Josh knew that Tyler wasn’t in the level of stability where the hospital normally allows patients to wear their own clothes, decorate their rooms, and have personal items yet. Josh knew this, but Josh also knew how much music has helped Tyler. Plus, he was only asking for one of the three…  
“Pat, look. I know that he’s not at the balance yet, but you have to know how much music has helped him. He told me that music was the only thing that kept him alive during his abuse and bullying. Both hospitals have taken them away from him, that’s why he was so violent to the other hospital. If you just let him have one instrument, a quiet one, it’ll help him so much Pat.”

“I-I don’t know Josh… I know that it’ll help him, but the other patients will complain that they don’t have clearance when Tyler does.”

“Pat, please. Tyler has been doing so well, and I want to reward him in a way. I want him to know that his progress is being seen, and that we’re proud of him.” Josh pleads, looking at Patrick with puppy dog eyes.

“Oh my god, fine. Fine, but ONE QUIET instrument, and that’s it for now.”

“YES! THANK YOU PAT!!!” Josh exclaims, jumping up from his chair, and engulfing Patrick in a bear hug. 

“Mhm. Now can you please let me go?”

“Oh, yeah. Uh, sorry.”   
_____

Josh practically sprints down the hallway to Tyler’s room, arriving at the door panting breathlessly. 

Tyler has been down in the dumps for the whole day since Andy has left, and Josh knew that the news would make Tyler’s day.

“TY!” Josh helplessly screeches into the room with excitement. This makes Tyler jerk, and look at Josh with wide eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that, gosh.” Josh says as he squeezes his way onto the bed. “I have some amaaazzzziiinnnnggggg news!!!” Josh sing-songs.

“And…?”

“I talked Patrick into allowing you to have one sorta quiet instrument in the room!!”

Tyler’s eyes widen more than Josh has ever seen. Tyler was in complete shock and excitement. 

“R-really?” Tyler whispers out in disbelief.

“Really!”

Tyler doesn’t have any words, so he tackles Josh into the biggest hug that he’s ever given.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Tyler mumbles into Josh’s ear.

“Of course Ty.”

The hug lasts for a while until both of them pull apart at the same time. They look into each other’s eyes with pure compassion before going in for a quick kiss.

“Now. What instrument?” Josh asks as they pull apart.

“Umm. Either a piano or ukulele.”

“Sorry man, but you gotta pick one for now…”

“I don’t know which one Josh.”

“Well, which one do you like more? Which one can you do more with? Which one is more fun?”

“Uhhh. Piano?”

“Awesome! But quick question. Is it like a legit grand piano? Cuz I don’t think we can fit that here…”

This makes Tyler burst out laughing.

“No, it’s a keyboard.”

“Okay, good, good.”

_____

Josh later learns how excited Tyler is to play again; Josh can’t wait to hear Tyler sing. 

They figure out that Josh will pick up the keyboard from the storage unit (owned by Tyler’s friend) tonight and bring it tomorrow morning. 

_____

Tyler spends all night reminiscing of all the songs he has made; he can practically /feel/ the keys under his fingers, and he is itching to play again.   
_____

Josh stops by the storage unit, and opens it using the code Tyler gave him. The unit was packed with random things. It took Josh 10 minutes to find the keyboard. It layed on a table in the back of the unit, covered with a black sheet.

Josh spent another 10 minutes trying to get to the keyboard without knocking everything down next to it. As Josh got closer, he saw how big the keyboard really is. It wasn’t a grand piano, but it was just as long. When Josh attempted to pick it up, he nearly dropped it (it was a lot heavier than he was expecting).

Josh eventually is able to get the keyboard out of the unit, and into his car. After locking the storage unit, Josh drives home.

When Josh gets home, he fumbles with the keyboard, almost dropping it a dozen times on the way to his apartment. Once inside the door, he greets Jim, and puts the keyboard in the living room. 

Curiously, Josh unwraps it, and is greeted with a beautifully maintained, sleek keyboard. Josh knows nothing about pianos, but he’s positive that this one isn’t cheap. After googling it, Josh learns that the keyboard (Yamaha S90 ES [A/N Yes, this is the keyboard Tyler uses on stage]) is roughly $1,500. Josh was stunned, he couldn’t even afford it if he wanted to. Wrapping it back up in the cover, Josh sets it near the door to make sure that he won’t forget it.

Josh spends the rest of the night playing with Jim, and watching the x-files. Jim was simply one of the best things that has happened to Josh. Jim was an ESA, and made life with anxiety and depression so much more bearable.   
_____

The next morning, Josh lugged the huge keyboard into his car, and drove to Imagina. Carrying a keyboard wasn’t supposed to be that hard, and Josh was sure that he looked like an idiot. Nearly banging into every wall in the hospital, Josh kicks Tyler’s door open, and almost falls inside.

“Josh! CAREFUL!!!” Tyler says, jumping from his bed, leaping for his keyboard.

“Geez, you care more about that keyboard than me? Hurtful.”

“Boohoo, now move!”

Tyler eagerly uncovers the keyboard and moves it to the table. He runs his hands over the keys, and tears up. Tyler missed this more than anyone could ever imagine. He never thought he’d see it again. It was Tyler’s prized possession; it kept him alive.

Automatically, Tyler plugs in the cord to the power outlet and turns it on. Briefly looking at Josh for an okay, Tyler presses middle c, and Josh sits down on the bed.

It took Tyler about two minutes to remember how to play again, and he began playing a cover of can’t help falling in love. 

Tyler’s voice was almost angelic. Josh sat there mesmerized by the boy singing his heart out while his fingers danced along the white and black keys. Josh could tell that Tyler was /truly/ happy, and that made Josh overjoyed. 

As time went on, Tyler stopped doing covers, and began singing originals. Josh was beyond impressed; Tyler’s original music was pure genius. The melodies were amazing and the lyrics were so powerful; every song had a meaning and a story. Josh just sat on the bed in awe for the whole day, enjoying every moment of Tyler’s playing. 

They eventually had to stop for the day to eat and sleep, so Tyler unplugged it, and wrapped it back up again. This is the most cheerful Josh has seen Tyler, and that made it all worth it. This made Josh fall in love with Tyler even more.

“Ty. That was. Oh my god, that was beautifully amazing. Amazing! I can’t even tell you how good that was. You’re a genius!”

“Thanks Josh.”

“Man, I love you.”

“I love you too. Man.” Tyler adds. Both Tyler and Josh laugh as they go in for a kiss. “Thank you Josh.”

“Dude, you don’t have to thank me for the keyboard.”

“I meant for everything.”

“Oh, always Ty. Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone who commented/left kudos! You guys truly keep me going <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else getting serious feels from next to me by imagine dragons? Ugh, so good. 
> 
> Any who, enjoy da chapter!
> 
> Note: I did a lot of research on restraint laws to get this as accurate as possible. Please lmk if anything is wrong, and I'll change it. TBH, my google search history for this fic is...interesting.

When Tyler wakes up the next morning, Josh is already gone. Tyler could feel that today would be a bad day. He knew this feeling way too well, and hated it. 

Tyler knows that Josh is in his office, and that his office is a step away, but Blurry tells Tyler that Josh left him. Tyler chooses not to fight back today, and believes it.

Tyler hadn’t had an urge to cut in a while, but now the urge was back stronger than ever. 

Since his suicide attempt, the hospital went all out in harm-proofing Tyler’s room. There is /nothing/ even remotely possible that could hurt him in there.

Blurry gets louder and louder, soon making Tyler do a mad search of the room to find something sharp. When Tyler comes up empty handed, his frustration is evident as he begins to cry. 

Tyler just wanted the release; he /needs/ it. Desperate, Tyler’s eyes dart around the room as Tyler starts to think creatively. When all else fails, Tyler resorts to using his nails.

Furiously scraping his nails against his arm, Tyler’s lips twitch upwards when he sees the first layer of skin coming off. His grin eventually transforms into a somewhat manic smile when he sees the red flesh and blood. 

The red line calms him; the red line gives him closure. The pain feels good; the pain is the release of all the pent up emotions. 

The act is addictive, don’t let others tell you that it’s not. Tyler began cutting out of curiosity, but soon got sucked into a vicious cycle that he wishes he never entered. Once addicted, getting clean seems nearly impossible. 

Tyler keeps going until his whole arm is scratched up, but that doesn’t stop him. Tyler moves onto his hips and thighs. 

The scrapes aren’t as clean as Tyler liked them to be; Tyler liked smooth cut lines that were parallel to each other. The scrapes are in random directions, but the euphoria still stands, so Tyler disregards the thought. 

After marking up one thigh, he hears someone knock on the door, but that doesn’t stop Tyler. He had to get as many marks in as possible.

Tyler doesn’t even look up when the door opens, focusing on getting one last cut in. He doesn’t look up when he hears Josh scream his name. He doesn’t look up when he feels Josh restrain his arms. 

Tyler just closes his eyes, and relaxes in the blissful feeling. The feeling soon fades away, and Tyler wants more. 

Tyler yanks his arm away in a last ditch effort to cut again, and Josh yells while grabbing a hold of Tyler’s arm again.

“TYLER! STOP!!!” Josh screams, trying to hold Tyler down. Tyler doesn’t listen, and begins to thrash. This causes Josh to send a help signal through his pager because Josh couldn’t handle this on his own.

After a minute of flailing arms and random screams, Patrick comes bursting through the door, words caught in his throat as he observes the scene unfolding in front of him.

Patrick immediately holds Tyler’s arms down while Josh takes his legs. Tyler begins crying uncontrollably, but won’t stop thrashing on the bed.

“Tyler! Tyler, listen to me. This is Patrick, and I need you to stop resisting unless you want me to bring more people and restraints in.” Patrick states in a faux sense of calmness.

Tyler doesn’t seem to register Patrick’s words, so Josh makes another effort.

“Ty. Ty, bud. Calm, please. I know you won’t like it if we bring in more people, or physical restraints, so I need you to stop thrashing before either of those happen.”

After waiting a minute, and observing Tyler’s actions, Patrick and Josh decide to order back up and restraints as Tyler wasn’t making any progress.

Three more people come into the room, and start securing the padded restraints onto Tyler. Tyler, of course, kicks, screams, and punches the people in the process. When they are finally able to secure Tyler down, the boy is still sobbing and pulling at the restraints.

Patrick and Josh stand in the room, dumbfounded. The bed, Tyler, Josh, and Patrick were smeared in blood. Josh couldn’t imagine how painful the restraints were to Tyler’s open cuts right now. 

Breathing heavily, Tyler and Patrick let the three helpers leave the room as the two of them gather first aid supplies to help clean Tyler’s wounds. 

Five minutes later, Tyler is still violent, so Josh administers an IV of Atarax, hoping that it will calm Tyler down. 

Josh and Patrick sit on the chairs, waiting for Tyler to recuperate before tending to his cuts. 

It takes about 10 minutes for the Atarax to visibly kick in and about 15 more minutes after that for Tyler to stop pulling at the restraints. Tears blotching his face, Tyler lays his head back in defeat. 

“...Ty.” Josh breathes out as he wipes Tyler’s face clean with a wet towel.

Josh had no idea what happened, or what caused any of this; he is just as lost as Patrick. 

“Ty what happened?” Josh asks cautiously.

“...N-need-ed to c-cut.”

“Why didn’t you tell us? We could’ve helped you avoid all of this.” Patrick supplies with sympathetic eyes.

“Need to cut.” Tyler mumbles.

“You don’t need to cut, Ty. You want to.” Josh adds.

“NEED. TO. CUT.” Tyler dramatically emphasizes, clenching his eyes, and once again pulling at the restraints.

“We’ll discuss that later, let’s get him cleaned up for now, so no infections start.” Patrick says to Josh in a hushed tone, and Josh nods in response.

“Ty? We’re gonna help clean up your cuts now, okay? I’m sorry if it hurts, but we don’t want them to get infected.”

Tyler stays silent as he attempts to pull at the restraints one last time.

Josh and Patrick quickly get working, beginning by wiping down all of Tyler’s cut and scrapes with a wet towel. Tyler sharply intakes a breath, but stays silent as Josh and Patrick continue working. 

Josh soon grabs the isopropyl alcohol and a new cloth. He dabs the cloth in the alcohol, and talks to Tyler before cleaning his cuts:

“Ty? You may not want to hear my voice right now, but I need you to know that we’re gonna start using the isopropyl on your cuts…” Josh pauses, and runs through different variations of the next sentence, finalizing on: “Um, it’s probably going to hurt?” Josh questions more than states, but Tyler gets the message.

Josh knows how much isopropyl hurts on open wounds. He’d compare it to pouring lemon juice on open cuts. Josh knows that Tyler has a large amount of cuts, and that they are all fresh. Josh knows how much this is going to hurt Tyler, and Josh braces himself before beginning.

Josh starts by kneeling next to Tyler’s right arm, and takes a gently hold of it. Almost scared himself, Josh carefully brings the towel closer to the underside of Tyler’s arm, and comes into contact with the first scrape. 

The second the towel touches the cut, Tyler visibly clenches his teeth, and tries to pull his arm away. 

Patrick goes the the same side that Josh is on, and helps him calm and stabilize Tyler.

“Ty, I’m sorry. I know it hurts, but we gotta keep going.”

Josh continues dabbing the towel on Tyler’s open cuts, and Patrick tries his best to soothe the boy. 

Tyler is obviously distressed, and in pain. His eyes, fists, and jaw are clenched shut, and he pulls at the restraints constantly. Despite all of this, Tyler manages to stay quiet while Josh finishes both of his arms.

Josh moves onto Tyler’s hips and thighs, having to pull Tyler’s hospital gown up in order to get access to the top of Tyler’s hip. This makes Tyler extremely uncomfortable, but Josh and Patrick don’t make anything of it as they’ve done this countless times by now. 

Josh re-wets the towel in isopropyl and starts on Tyler’s hip.

The initial contact makes Tyler jerk, and scream. Tyler cut extremely deep on his hip, and Josh was in pain just watching Tyler. 

Josh decides that he should keep going to get it over with, so he continues wiping the cuts. 

Tyler has tears leaking out of his eyes, but is able to stay silent for about 10 seconds before the pain becomes unbearable.

“S-STOP! PLEASE JO-SH.” Tyler cries out, now sobbing. Josh pulls his hand back immediately, and drops the towel.

Tyler heaves breaths as tears stream out of his eyes. 

“J-jo-sh.” Tyler sobbs out.

“Shhh. I know it hurts Ty. It’s okay. It’s almost over.” Josh attempts to sooth as he brings his hand to Tyler’s.

“Jo-sh n-no more.”

“Ty, we gotta finish cleaning your cuts. I’ll give you a little break though.”

Tyler knew that Josh had to finish cleaning, but Tyler just wanted it to stop. He was exhausted. The restraints and pain made the situation worse, and Tyler just wanted it to be over.

After five minutes, Josh resumes, and quickly finishes Tyler’s hips and thighs. 

Josh finishes by putting ointment over all of the cuts and scrapes as Patrick helps clean up. 

“Ty? All done bud, do you want the blanket?”

“N-no. Hurts.”

“Okay, what can I do to make it hurt less?”

Tyler didn’t want anything to touch him, the clothes and restraints. He just needed his wounds to be left alone, and not come into any contact. Tyler wasn’t sure how to tell Josh because even though they are close, they aren’t /this/ close. 

Tyler eventually decides that he has nothing left to lose because the cuts were crazily painful.

“Clo-thes and res-traints o-off.”

“What Ty?” Josh asks in confusion.

“They tou-ch cuts. H-hurts.”

“Oh. Umm.” Josh thinks aloud. He knows that Tyler has to be in restraints for at least two hours, and it has only been one. “Bud, I can’t take the restraints off, but I can take the gown off if you’d like?”

“Mmm.”

Josh tries to figure out how to get Tyler out of the hospital gown when all of this limbs were restrained. He gives up, and eventually just cuts the gown off of Tyler.

Tyler feels instant relief as the cloth no longer rubs against the fresh cuts. He’s aware that he’s solely in his underwear, but he doesn’t care anymore. There wasn’t anymore extra pain, and that was more important than Tyler’s appearance.

“Better?”

“Mmm.”

Josh just spends the next hour lounging in Tyler’s room, making one-way small talk in an attempt to make time pass faster. 

The hour passes at a snail pace, but passes nonetheless. Once the two hours are over, Josh removes the IV of Atarax.

“Ty? The two hours are up, but I need to know if it’s safe enough for me to take you out of them. Do you promise not to be violent or harmful to anyone else and yourself?”

“...Yes.” Tyler responds with a sigh; he just wanted these stupid things off of him.

With that, Josh starts by unlocking Tyler’s feet then move his way up to unlocking Tyler’s arms. Josh wraps up the restraints, and puts them away. 

When Josh returns to the room a second later, he finds Tyler curled up in a fetal position on the bed. 

“Ty? You cold?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you want the blanket?”

“N-no, hurts.”

“Aw, I’m sorry Ty. We don’t have portable heaters…”

“It’s fine.”

The ‘conversation’ eventually dies down, and the room is silent other than the sound of breathing. 

Tyler and Josh spend the rest of the day without meaningful conversation; neither of them talk about the morning’s event. Josh decides that he’ll confront Tyler about it tomorrow. 

Tyler falls asleep right after eating his dinner, and Josh stays in the room for a few hours after that, also making sure to bandage the cuts. Tyler looked so peaceful sleeping, most likely from exhaustion.

Before leaving, Josh gently lays a blanket over Tyler’s sleeping form, and kisses his forehead.

As Josh walks out of the room, he turns around, and whispers: “Love you Ty.”


	15. Chapter 15

By the time Josh walked into Tyler’s room, Tyler was wide awake (something that wasn’t normal).

“Ty?”

“Hi Josh!” Tyler says happily as he turns on the TV, almost as if nothing happened yesterday.

“How was your night?” Josh asks as he gets out ointment and bandages for Tyler.

“Eh.”

“Just eh?”

“Yeah, just eh.”

“Anything happen?”

“Nope.”

“Okay then. Time to change yo bandages, yo.” Josh jokes, trying to lighten the uncomfortable mood.

“Oh my gosh. Stop that.”

“What? You don’t like my gangster talk? I’m hurt.”

“Yeah yeah, go cry mister misty-eyed.”

Both boys chuckle, and Josh sets all of the supplies on the table while he sits on the bed.

“Ready?”

“Gee, I was waiting for this moment.”

“Man, sarcastic today aren’t we?”

Josh is met with an eye roll, and Josh begins cleaning the cuts once again. Scabs have started forming, so the isopropyl didn’t hurt as much as the last time. Josh soon re-applied the ointment, and put on new bandages.

After Josh finished, he cleaned up the supplies, and promptly hopped onto the bed with Tyler.

“Sooooooo.” Josh drags out, not sure how to initiate the conversation.

“Josh, I’m fine now.”

“Yes, I see that, but we still have to discuss what happened yesterday.”

“Why? I’m fine now. Can we please just forget it?”

“As much as I’d like to, no. We gotta figure out what happened, so that history doesn't repeat itself.”

“Fine. I wanted to harm yesterday. That’s it.”

“That’s not it Ty. Why did you want to harm?”

“I don’t know!”

“Yes, you do. Why did you want to harm?” Josh asks again, hoping to get an answer out of Tyler.

“I wanted the release.” Tyler mumbles.

“The release of what?”

“Emotion?”

“Release of emotion?” Josh basically repeats.

“I don’t know Josh!” Tyler exclaims, frustrated. “Can you stop interrogating me?! Stop acting like you can cure me. Stop acting like you care about me! Just leave me be!!”

“Ty. I’m trying to help you because I /do/ care about you. I care about you more than I could ever show you.” Josh says. Josh is met with silence from Tyler, so he decides to keep going: “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but is it possible that you harmed to get away from everything? To just stop worrying? To stop ‘hearing’ the anxiety, depression, and Blurry?”

Josh knew that he hit the problem spot on when Tyler looked at him with disbelief.

“H-how did you know?” Tyler asks, dumbfounded.

“You’re not the first one Ty. Plus, I went through the exact same thing; I still have scars.”

“You do?”

“Mhm, on my hips and arms. I’m not proud of them, but they remind me of how far I’ve come, and you can get here too. You just gotta keep fighting because you will eventually win; you have to believe that.”

“Mmm.”

“Okay, so from now on, you tell someone if you have urges to harm, or suicidal thoughts /before/ you act on them. Also, we’ll figure out an alternate release for you.”

“Kay.”

“Now, we gotta talk about the whole resistance thing.”

“Joooossshhhh.” Tyler begs, embarrassed.

“I’ve seen worse, but we gotta discuss what happened my bud.”

“Ugh.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now, please explain.”

“Uh…” Tyler says aloud, trying to find a way to change the topic.

Josh just looks at Tyler expectantly, and Tyler begins to flush in a shade of light red.

“Ty, don’t be embarrassed. I’m not going to hold this against you, or think about you any differently. I’ll always think of you as this sweet, kind, and incredibly strong person that deserves the world.”

“I. Th-thank you Josh.”

“That’s really how I feel Ty, but we gotta talk about it, and we can move on afterwards.”

“Okay. Um. I don’t know why I was so vio-lent Josh. I barely remember what happened.” Tyler says shamefully.

“That’s okay Ty. It was a lot. Do remember how you felt? Or what you wanted in that moment?”

“I felt like I want-ed to just rip my skin and hair out. Like I /had/ to harm. It didn’t feel like an urge; Josh, it felt like I had to harm to stay alive.”

“Okay, then what happened when Patrick and I began to hold you back?”

“I wanted to be alone. I felt like you guys were just getting in the way of my happiness.”

“Hmm. Can you explain that a little more?”

“Uhm. I hated feeling you guys just hold me back; it felt like I was being kid-napped. I had to get away from you guys, and I had to harm. I had to see the bl-ood to feel free; I had to feel the pain to feel free.”

“Okay, talk me through what you felt from the moment that we restrained you and on.”

“At first, I hated you guys.” Tyler says with an awkward chuckle. “I wanted to break free, and run out of here. I wanted to get as far away as possible, and just non-stop harm. Once the Atarax kicked in, the want to harm de-creased, and I was exhausted. I felt like a loser laying there. I was em-barrassed with you and Patrick just sitting there. I felt like a loser. No. I felt like a failure. I hated it.” Tyler explains as he begins to tear up. 

Almost instinctively, Josh brings Tyler into a hug, and comforts him.

“Oh, Ty. I don’t ever want you to feel like that. We didn’t think any less of you. In fact, we looked at you like an amazingly strong person who unfortunately has to battle demons in his head. We are so proud of you Ty, and you have to know that. We all have bad days, and yesterday was just a speed bump. You’re still making amazing progress.”

“Mmm. Thank you. I felt so ash-amed when you were cleaning my cuts, Josh. I felt terrible, and it hurt so bad. It was almost like a punish-ment because of how bad I was. It was like you were punishing me for the epi-sode. I was restrained, and it was so painful.” 

“Gosh, Ty. I’m so, so sorry that you felt that way. We just had to clean your cuts before they got infected. I know yesterday was hard on all of us. Thank you for sharing how you felt. It will help us better help you, and understand what’s happening.”

“I know, I’m just not proud of it.”

“I know, Ty, I know. Now, just before we put this behind us, what should we do different next time? You know…hopefully there is no next time, but just in case.”

“Try to talk to me? Get me out of my head. If not, restrain me, but give me some say in what happens, and when it happens. I hate not having any control.”

“Okay, sounds good Ty. I’m sorry that that happened, but we’re gonna try our best to avoid it, yeah? And do it right if there is a next time. Just remember to tell us before anything happens, Ty.”

“Mmm.”  
_____

As promised, both boys put the event behind them, and hung out during the remaining hours as they normally would. 

Once Tyler fell asleep, Josh went to give Patrick a report on everything Tyler told him earlier that day.

Josh stayed late that night finishing paperwork, so he decided to just spend the night on his office couch. 

Despite laying on his couch for hours, Josh wasn’t able to fall asleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Tyler, and what they would do tomorrow. 

Josh stayed up all night brainstorming for the continuation of Tyler’s exposure plan, and general reinforcers to ensure that the night’s previous event wouldn’t repeat itself. 

Josh finishes countless pages of paperwork and online reports by the time the sun rises. 

With three empty cups of coffee on his desk, Josh decides to go outside for a bit to stay awake. 

The air was chill, but nice; it was refreshing. Imagina was surrounded by trees, which made it not only nice aesthetic wise, but also calm. 

Josh knew the trails instinctively. He used to walk here everyday when he was an impatient himself. It was, and still is, his favorite place to just relax, and not worry about anything. 

He’d have to take Tyler here one day when he gets hospital leave; Josh knew that Tyler would love it. 

After an hour of walking through the park, Josh began walking back to Imagina. 

The entrance had its signature morning bustle. Workers checking in, and patients flowing through the halls. 

Josh eventually gets into the adolescent psychiatric hallway, and knocks on Tyler’s door. 

Assuming that Tyler was still asleep, Josh walked in when there was no response.

Tyler was sound asleep on his bed; he looked so peaceful. 

This made Josh smile. He knew that he should wake Tyler up, but he couldn’t bring himself to disturb Tyler’s sleep. 

Josh waits 20 minutes before finally giving in, and waking Tyler up. 

“Hmph?” Tyler says, eyes still closed.

“Morning Ty.”

“Mmm morning Josh.”

Routinely, Josh hands Tyler his meds, and Tyler takes them along with eating his breakfast. 

“I was thinking about continuing your exposure plan today?”

“How? Andy isn’t here anymore.”

“That’s what I mean by continuation…”

“Someone new?”

“Mhm.”

“N-no. Josh I can’t.” Tyler stumbles out, visibly panicking.

“Ty, Ty. Don’t work yourself up before anything even happens.”

“Jo-sh, I can’t meet someone new.”

“First of all, yes you can. Second of all, this person is technically not new.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember a guy named Dan?”

“N-no?” Tyler responds, upset by his lack of memory.

“Don’t worry about remembering him, bud. He’s the head doctor of the adult psych ward, and he made sure that you were okay that night before you first spoke to me.”

Both boys smile at the memory, and at the visible progress made.

“The night when I just threw stuff at anyone who got close?”

“Yup.” Josh says with a slight smile, and Tyler laughs. “I want to work you up to talking to adults. Dan has a spare hour to hang out here, and we’ll see after that.”

“Fine, if I have to.” Tyler groans.

“That’s the spirit! Dan will get here around noon, so we can just chill until then.”

“Modern Family?”

“You know it.”


	16. Chapter 16

Nearing noon, Dan pages Josh that he’s on the way to the pediatric ward. This signals Josh to slightly prepare Tyler, and make sure that he’s calm.

“Ty?”

“Hmm?”

“Dan is on his way down here, you good?”

“I’m gonna try to be.” 

“That’s all I could ask for. You got this Ty, I’ll be right here the whole time.”

“Mmm.” Tyler responds as he goes in for a kiss.

A few minutes later, there’s a knock on the door, and Josh responds. The door slowly opens, and Dan walks in. 

Tyler visibly shrinks, and Josh tries to comfort him from the chair. Both boys would prefer Josh to be on the bed, but that isn’t possible in these conditions. 

“Hey Tyler! My name is Dan, nice to meet you.” Dan greets as he takes a seat next to Josh.

“H-hi.” Tyler says sheepishly with a small wave.

“How are ya doin today?”

“O-okay.”

“Well that’s good! I’ve heard so much about you Tyler. I know that you probably don’t remember me from the first time we met. Honestly, I hope you don’t because that wasn’t in the best of situations.”

This makes Tyler chuckle, causing Dan and Josh to smile.

“But yeah, I guess I’ll give you a quick intro of who I am. So I’m Dan, obviously. I’m the head doctor in the adult psychiatric ward, and I love my job. I personally like the pediatric ward better, but Patrick beat me to it.”

“Mmm.”

“So, uh. What do you like to do for fun?” Dan questions, looking around: “Do you play that keyboard?!”

“Y-yeah.” Tyler says shyly.

“Would you mind playing it for me?”

“Uhm. I-I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to, I just love music. I sing, maybe we could play around?”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Do you have a prefered song?”

“Uhh. Rut?”

“The killers?”

“Mhm.”

“Nice! Let’s do this!”

Tyler hobbles off the bed, and turns on the keyboard as Dan travels over to the other side of the room. Josh just watches in awe, knowing that this is an important event.

Tyler plays a couple keys on the keyboard to test out the sound, and positions his fingers above the keys.

“Ready?” Dan asks Tyler, and Tyler responds with a quick nod.

Tyler begins playing the first couple notes, and Dan nods his head to the beat.

Dan begins: “Can’t keep my mind off of every little wrong. See the mouths are open, but I can’t hear the song.” 

Tyler’s fingers dance along the keys as the song progresses, humming to the beat as Dan sings.

As the song progresses, Tyler begins to sing the words louder and louder, eventually taking the last chorus:

“Don’t give up on me ‘cause I’m just in a rut. I’m climbing, but the walls keep stacking up.”

Dan and Tyler have a duet for the rest of the song, alternating the lines of the outro. Tyler hits the keys harder, and eventually fades the piano out of the song.

It was beautiful. All three of them sat there in a comfortable silence, taking in what just happened. Josh is the first person to break the quiet:

“Geez. That was. Geez I can’t even.”

“That was one of the best duets I’ve ever done.” Dan says, sitting back down on the chair.

“That was really good Dan. You’re an amazing singer.” Tyler says while playing some chords to fill the room.

“Thanks Tyler, you have a beautiful voice.”

“Thank you.” 

Their conversation slowly dies down, and Tyler begins playing the melody of everglow by coldplay.

Josh and Dan recognize the tune immediately, and begin singing along. Soon enough, all three are rocking out in the room, and this continues as Tyler plays song after song for the next hour. 

Unfortunately, Dan has to go back to work, and all three promise to have a jam out session again in there near future.   
_____

Tyler spends the rest of the day playing the piano, and Josh provides the drum beat by banging the bedside table. The two of them were joyful, and happy. They were worry free, and enjoying their time together. 

Tyler continues to play song after song, Josh knowing most of them. All the tunes were predictable until Josh hears a familiar melody. This causes Josh to jump off the bed, and causes Tyler to abruptly stop playing.

“What? What’s wrong?!” Tyler asks concerned.

“I. You’re playing all time low.”

“Um, yeah. I know.”

“They’re a tiny band! How do you. How do you know them?!”

“Man, I wish I knew them. Their music has saved my life.”

“Ty, Alex and Jack are like my best friends.”

“WHAT?!”

“Yeah, I can’t believe you know their music.”

“JOSH PLEASE. CAN I PLEASE MEET THEM?! OH MY GOD, JOSH THEIR MUSIC IS WHY I’M ALIVE.” Tyler practically screams, tears streaming out of his eyes. “They’ve saved my life Josh.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll ask them.”

“YOU HAVE THEIR NUMBERS?!”

“Um, yeah? They’re my best friends Ty, of course I have their numbers.”

“Oh my god. You. You know who they are. They know who you are. Oh my god. I’m gonna cry.”

“Ty, don’t cry. I’m sure they’d love to meet you.”

“Thank you Josh.” Tyler says sincerely. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Ty. Anything for you.”  
_____

It has been a couple hours since Josh has gone home. Tyler was fine for a bit until it became the early morning hours. Not only did he feel the urge to cut, Tyler didn’t want to be alive.

Knowingly, Tyler steps outside of his room, trying to find Dallon. 

Tyler didn’t want to harm or commit; he wanted to get better, but his brain wouldn’t let up.

Not seeing Dallon in the hall, he takes in a deep breath, and screams for Dallon. 

Dallon comes running down the hallway.

“Tyler? Tyler you okay??”

“Um, yeah. I just. Ur-ges are really strong right now…”

“Okay, do you want me to call Josh?”

“I don’t want to bo-ther him.”

“Tyler, you’re not going to bother Josh, and you know that. Do you want him here?”

“Well, yes but-” Tyler gets cut off by Dallon before he could finish his sentence.

“-But nothing. You want him here, so we’re going to get him here. I’ll call him right now, and camp out in your room until he gets here, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Tyler sighs out, walking back inside his room.

Dallon walks into the room a minute after, and takes a seat on Josh’s chair while Tyler climbs back into bed.

It was 2:30am, and both boys were tired. 

Dallon watches as Tyler leaned his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes, and starting an all too rehearsed breathing exercise. 

Dallon assumes that Tyler was trying his best to calm himself, and his head. Tyler obviously struggling to keep calm, Dallon reaches into his own pocket, and grabs a ball of putty.

Dallon offers the sphere to Tyler, and Tyler’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“It’s called theraputty. This black color means that it’s extra firm. Takes a lot of energy to stretch it, but it is an amazing stress and anger release. Try it.”

With that, Tyler grabs the putty out of Dallon’s hand, and starts to play with it. 

It was surprisingly relaxing. The putty would stretch and bend anyway he wished. Much better than a stress ball, Tyler could pull it apart. With heavy resistance, Tyler found it soothing. 

Dallon smiles as he sees Tyler visibly relax, continuing to play with the putty.

After five minutes, Josh walks into the room. Dallon and Josh have a quick word before Dallon starts heading to the door.

“Wait!” Tyler urges.

“What’s up?” Dallon responds in the doorway.

“Do you want this back?” Tyler asks, gesturing to the putty.

“Nah man. It’s yours.” Dallon replies with a smile.

“Thank you.” Tyler says sincerely. 

Josh walks over to Tyler’s bed, and squeezes into a foot of empty space, forcing Tyler to scoot over.

“You could’ve just asked me to move.”

“But that would’ve been boring.”

“Ugh.”

“Okay, what’s happening Ty?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to be alive right now. I don’t even feel the urge to cut, I just want to disappear.”

“Do you actually want to disappear, or does Blurry want you to?”

“Blurry and I are the same person Josh. Blurry is just a name for my disorders, but Blurry is still me.”

“That’s not what I asked, Ty. Do /you/ deep down want to disappear?”

“I. No?”

“No?”

“I really don’t know Josh. I don’t necessarily want to die, but I want a break from all of this. I just want to stop hurting.”

“I know exactly what you mean. I know how hard it is to keep fighting when you can’t see the light, but I promise you that there is light, and that it’s worth finding. You are my light Ty. You gotta keep fighting and pushing through everything because I need you. We need you.”

“Thank you Josh.” Tyler breathes out, relaxing into Josh’s torso.

“Of course. I love you Ty. Never stop fighting because you will win one day.”

“Love you too.”  
_____

The two of them spent the rest of the day hanging out on the bed. Josh rubbed soothing circles over Tyler’s back while Tyler hums countless tunes to pass the time. 

The TV was off, and the two of them simply stared out the window. They watched the leaves of the trees sway with the wind in a calming pattern that left them in a peaceful trance. 

It was nice to forget about the world for a bit; it was nice to be in the company of someone you love, and just enjoy your time together; it was nice to not worry for once.


	17. Chapter 17

During the next couple of days, Tyler hangs out with Dan a few more times. Tyler has been making amazing progress. Such good progress that Patrick decides to start showing Tyler around the ward and commons.

He figures that he’ll start by having Tyler simply step out of his room before pushing him into unfamiliar places since small steps lead to big results.  
_____

“Hey Ty!” Josh says as he walks into Tyler’s room.

“Hi Josh. What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing?”

“Is that a question?” 

“Gosh I wanted to wait a bit longer before getting into this.” Josh admits, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Is something wrong?” Tyler asks, concerned. 

“No, no.” Josh answers before taking a big breath in, putting the words together in his mind. “Okay, so um. Well.” Josh tries, but ends up stalling: “How’s your day going?”

“Josh.” Tyler demands, unamused.

“Okay, okay. Basically, Patrick wants to move the exposure plan forward.” Josh’s face contorts into an expression almost as if he is bracing himself for a punch. 

“Okay.” Tyler chuckles before asking: “Why do you look so scared?”

“I was worried about your reaction?” Josh says, and Tyler laughs. “Wa? How’s that funny?”

“Did you seriously think I was going to punch you??” Tyler sputters out, lacking breath from laughing so hard.

“Well, I don’t know…” Josh responds, still nerved. “You’re okay with it?”

“Not really, but I can’t change anything. Plus, I trust you.”

“Aw, thanks Ty.” Josh responds, leaning in for a kiss, and getting one in return. “Uh, basically, we want to show you around the ward. Hang out in the hallways, and commons.”

“Like be in the presence of people?”

“Yeah…”

Tyler takes a moment to process what Josh is asking him to do. Josh is not only asking him to leave his room, but also be surrounded by unfamiliar people. 

This is Tyler’s absolute fear; this isn’t what he wanted. 

If this is what ‘getting better’ meant, Tyler doesn’t want to ‘get better.’ He doesn’t want to be forced to constantly confront his fears, and move onto another one right after. 

Josh could see Tyler’s uneasiness, so Josh decides to snuggle closer to Tyler in an attempt to comfort him. 

“Ty? I know it’s scary, and that we keep pushing you to do more and more, but we only do that because we know you can handle it. We see that you’re making such great progress, and we are so proud of you Ty. We really are. I’ll be there every step of the way, every second. We’re going to do this together, okay Ty? We’re gonna beat this together.”

“Mmm. I just wish that I could have a couple days of not confronting fears.”

“I get that.” Josh comforts. “I completely understand that, but the faster we beat these fears, the faster we can get you out of this place, and into the world.”

“Do I really want to go back into the world? Josh, hospitals are all I know. I have no family or friends that I can live with.”

“Well, you know, your birthday is in like two days. You turn 18.”

“So?”

“Sooooo, you don’t have to have a guardian. You can live on your own, or with anyone you want.”

“I don’t understand…”

“Tyler Robert Joseph.” Josh says dramatically, dropping to his knees. “When you get out of this place, will you move in with me?”

“Are. Are you serious?”

“So serious.”

“JOSH!”

“YES?”

“I. YES. YES YES YES!!!” Tyler screams out of joy, jumping onto Josh. “Man, I love you.”

“I love you too Ty, so much.”

And just like that, the two of them spend a good couple minutes kissing as if nothing else mattered. 

Of course, all good moments end with a particular someone walking in. That someone happens to be Patrick, and the two boys jump apart on instinct.

“Okay, so I’m just going to pretend that didn’t happen.” Patrick sighs out, walking further into the room. “Because Josh knows that he can get fired, fined, and possible jail time for having romantic relationships with patients. Right Josh?”

“Mhm. Yup. Yuppero. Yuppo Patto.” Josh spits out, stumbling.

“Mmm good. Now, the reason I came in here for. Tyler?”

“Yeah?”

“Okay hold on, before we talk business. Josh, can you get off the freaking bed?”

“Heh, yeah, sorry man.” Josh shyly chuckles, cheeks turning pink as he hopes off the bed, and into a chair.

“Okay, so Tyler. Has Josh told you about the next part of the exposure plan yet?”

“...Yes” Tyler responds grumpily.

“Good! I want you guys to start tomorrow with the goal of just seeing the common room. You don’t have to talk to people yet, but I want you to get familiar with the ward, and the people.”

“Ty?” Josh chimes in. “Does that sound doable?”

“I guess.” Tyler mumbles, but Patrick and Josh don’t seem to notice Tyler’s unhappiness. 

“Awesome! I’ll see you around Tyler! We’re so proud of you.” Patrick says cheerfully as he leaves the room, and Tyler responds with a forced grunt.  
_____

Tyler and Josh don’t do much for the rest of the day. They just lounge around in the bed, and watch the twilight zone on repeat; it was a compromise between the two since Tyler couldn’t handle the x-files, and it was all Josh wanted.

As the day came to an end, Josh did his last checks, and said goodbye to Tyler. 

Josh went home, and decided to take a walk with Jim. Josh’s anxiety and depression was manageable, but he still had his moments. 

Josh cared for Tyler with his whole heart, and he knew that the hospital was pushing Tyler at an extremely fast pace, but he had no say on the topic. 

Josh and Jim walked through his neighborhood park for about an hour; it was peaceful and calming. 

When they got home, Josh fell asleep instantly on his bed with Jim’s company.  
_____

The morning came faster than either wanted it to. They were both scared of what would happen today. 

After Josh clocks in, greets his co-workers, and gives Tyler his meds, Tyler and Josh chat for a while, waiting for the ward and common room to get more lively. 

They make small talk, and avoid the obvious topic for as long as they can manage. Of course, leaving both of them in an unwanted silence after the small talk has passed.

“So, uh. How are you feeling?” Josh asks.

“Okay? I just. I don’t want to do this, Josh. I hate being forced to do one thing after another. These fears aren’t one day fixes, and just confronting them is fucking hard.”

“We know that Ty. We know how hard it is for you to overcome fears, and that’s why we’re so proud of you.”

“Why don’t I have a say in how fast this goes? No one cares about my opinion.”

“Of course we do. I actually don’t have a say in this either, it’s all management, but they decided on this pace because they know you can handle it. We all believe in you.”

“Yeah, okay. Can we just get this over with?”

“Uh, yeah. Let’s go Ty.”

With that, Josh got to his feet, and Tyler shuffled off the bed. 

Something seems off about Tyler. He’s unusually quiet, and he’s not panicking. That should seem like a good thing, but for someone with high functioning anxiety, it’s concerning that Tyler isn’t showing any nervousness. 

Josh decides to let Tyler be since everyone has their bad days, and leads the two out into the hallway. The two of them join hands, and Josh leads them down the ward. 

As they walk past the rooms, Josh explains what each room, and hallway leads to. They eventually reach the ward entrance, and turn right. This leads the two of them to a set of clear double doors that lead into a great room that was as big as a gym.

The room was divided into sections. One for eating, filled with bulky colorful plastic tables, and chairs; one for lounging, furnished with big couches, and TVs; one for activities, stocked with crafting boxes and sports equipment. 

The two stop in the doorway, allowing Tyler to take in everything. Josh stands by Tyler as Tyler’s eyes wander around the room. 

It seems as if Tyler has no emotions. His eyes took in the new room, but there was no hint of emotion on his face. No fear, no curiosity, no excitement. 

Josh soon leads Tyler to the lounging section, and takes a seat on one of the couches. The room wasn’t too busy, but there was a good amount of patients, and staff in it. 

Tyler removes his hand from Josh’s, and begins to wring his hands together. His gaze drops to his lap, almost as if he is trying to shut himself off from the world. Tyler closes his eyes, and leans back on the couch. 

Josh doesn’t know what to do. Should he intervene, or let Tyler have a moment?

Josh decides to give Tyler a minute before slightly tapping his shoulder. 

“Ty? You okay?”

Tyler doesn’t respond, and keeps his eyes closed. This worries Josh, but he’s trained not to panic. 

“Ty? Bud? Hey, can you at least look at me?”

Josh is met with Tyler releasing a breath, and slowly opening his eyes.

“Good! Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Tyler shakes his head, and a teardrop falls from his face.

“Hey, it’s okay. Wanna go back to the room?”

Tyler’s eyes dart to the door, and he begins to walk towards it, making Josh jog to catch up with him. Tyler nearly runs back to his room, slamming the door once inside it, leaving Josh on the other side of the door.

“Ty? I know that you wanna be alone right now, but I have to be in there with you. I can stay quiet, and away from you, but I have to be in there with you.” Josh says through the door, opening the door slowly. Peeking his head inside, he is met promptly with a pillow thrown at his face. 

“Okay then.” Josh chuckles out as he picks up the pillow, and walks into the room. He opts for sitting on the chair furthest from the bed. 

Josh watches Tyler bury himself in the blankets. Josh’s heart aches when seeing Tyler in such pain. Josh searches his brain for any solution, but gets distracted when he hears quiet sobbing.

“Ty?” Josh says, standing up from the chair, and walking towards the bed. Josh rubs his hand over Tyler’s back, and Tyler begins sobbing harder. “Oh, Ty. Everything’s going to be okay.” Josh soothes.

Josh eventually gets on the bed, and hugs Tyler as tight as possible. Tyler continues crying for another two hours before falling asleep, and Josh hugs him every second through it. 

Josh ends up staying the night in hopes of comforting Tyler. However, Josh wakes up early the next morning to prepare for Tyler’s birthday. 

Tyler turns 18 today, and Josh is determined to make it the best day ever. He packs his car with every kind of ‘happy birthday’ balloon he can find.

It seemed like a good plan, but once he started driving, it wasn’t such a good idea. Josh was basically driving blind back to Imagina. 

By the time he got back to Imagina, he lugs the bunch of balloons out of his car and walks through the hallway. 

The balloons hit nearly everything, and everyone in the hall. 

“DUDE!” Josh hears brendon scream, and Josh halts in his path.

“Bren?”

“Duh. Thanks for knocking the IV bags over you dofus.” Brendon scolds, pointing at the broken bags on the now wet floor.

“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry Bren.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go give your lover his balloons.”

“Waa? How? He’s not my…”

“Mhm, keep telling yourself that.” Brendon screams as he walks away leaving Josh flustered.

Shaking the incident off, Josh continues walking to Tyler’s room, and walks in. Josh walks in first, greeted by a freshly awoken Tyler, but has a hard time getting the balloons through the door. After a solid two minutes of struggling, Josh is finally able to get every last balloon through the door.

“Happy birthday!!” Josh exclaims, moving his hands in an exaggerated motion. 

Tyler just shakes his head in disbelief, and chuckles: “Thanks man.”

“I’m going to make sure that you have the best day ever.”

“Josh, that’s really sweet, but I don’t want to do anything.”

“Aw, c’mon. Let’s enjoy today Ty!”

Tyler gives up on arguing once Josh begins rambling on everything that he has planned for the day. 

When it gets too much, Tyler stops Josh hesitantly: “J-Josh?”

“Yeah? What’s up?” Josh asks, looking up with concern.

“I just. I was wondering if we could. If we could take a walk…”

“Oh, um. Sure. We really can only walk in the ward though. Why don’t we take a walk to the common room?”

Tyler nods in response, and heads out the door. Tyler speed walks down the hallway, but doesn’t turn right at the ward entrance. 

Tyler ends up running down the hallway as Josh screams his name while running behind him. Tyler is on a full sprint as he bursts through the main hospital entrance, and into the outside world. 

Josh rapidly pages for help while running and screaming after Tyler as he makes his way into the city.


	18. Chapter 18

Josh trails behind Tyler as he winds down unfamiliar roads. Josh has a crew of hospital members getting dispatched around the city while Josh follows Tyler on foot. 

Tyler keeps his extremely fast running pace until he comes to a bridge. Tyler immediately stops, breathing heavily, and overlooks the water. Tyler slowly creeps up to the railing, resting his hands on it.

Josh wearily slows, and cautiously steps closer. 

“Ty?”

“Go away, Josh.” Tyler mumbles as tears well up in his eyes.

“Bud, I can’t do that. Can we please talk? Tell me what’s wrong Ty. We can fix it.” Josh urges.

“You can’t fix this; you’re the reason I haven’t done this yet.”

“Then we can keep fighting this together, and be happy.” Josh reasons, seeing other hospital staff border around the two. Tyler also notices, and begins to hyperventilate.

“Josh. I can’t. People. Josh, please make them stop.” Tyler begs, shaking and crying.

“Ty, we gotta make sure that you stay safe. They’re not going to do anything unless you do something.”

Tyler instantly drops to his knees, and buries his face into them. Josh follows, and it’s almost as if Tyler unleashed all of his tears at once. It isn’t just crying, Josh could /hear/ the pain rushing out of Tyler.

“Ty? Bud, it’s okay.”

“Josh, I’m tired.” Tyler breathes out in between cries. Both of them know what Tyler means, and the words sink into Josh like a knife. 

“Ty, we haven’t given up on you and never will. Please don’t give up on yourself. You have so much more to do and see. You have so much joy left in your life. You’ve been making crazy good progress. Please don’t let it go to waste. This isn’t the end Ty; it never is.”

“I’m sick of all of this. I’m sick of having no say in my life. The hospital is supposed to be better than home, but it’s the exact same. I get forced to do things I don’t want to, or else I get punished. No one cares how I feel or what I think. I’m so sick of it.”

“Well, I care, and everyone else does too. We care so much that we push you out of your comfort zone, so you can leave the hospital sooner, and go live your life. Ty, I know it’s tiring, and it feels like nothing is getting better, but it is. It takes time, and you have to know that you’re not alone. I’m fighting this with you, and I’ll always be with you.”

“I don’t want to go back to the hospital. I just want to live with you already.”

“Ty, you’re not good enough to release yet, but you’re getting there! Just keep fighting a little more, and then we can enjoy the rest of our lives together.”

“I don’t want to go back to the hospital.” Tyler mumbles again, standing on his feet. Tyler glances over the bridge, and takes in the view of nature. 

His whole body begins to shiver as he grips the railing harder, making his palms turn white.

“Ty? Ty, don’t.” Josh warns, sending a look to other staff members to further position themselves just in case. 

Tyler stays silent as he looks at the rushing water with a sense of tranquility and spaces out from reality. 

“Ty.” Josh says more firm, but gets no response. “Tyler.” Josh says with slight worry. 

Tyler closes his eyes, and breathes in slowly.

“Tyler. Whatever you’re thinking isn’t the answer. There’s other ways to make this better. Don’t put a permanent end to a temporary problem. The pain will go away, and there is hope. There’s always hope. Don’t give up on finding it Ty because it’s out there, and it’s worth finding. I love you Ty, with all of my heart. I’m always going to be here with you, and we’re going to beat this together. There’s so much joy left that we haven’t explored yet. This isn’t the answer Ty. /Please/.” Josh pleads, now crying.

“Josh.” Tyler whispers with so much pain in his voice. 

The two lock eyes with each other, and immediately embrace each other without words being exchanged. They stay in the hug, both sobbing into each other’s shoulders. 

There was an unspoken understanding between them. It’s pure affection. 

After 30 minutes, the two of them sit on the floor of the bridge, taking in the scenery. It’s not until Patrick tells them to go back to Imagina that they get up.

Tyler and Josh walk back to the hospital holding hands, surrounded by hospital staff that all ignore the signs of affection between the two. They know better than to come in between the two, no matter how ‘illegal’ it is.

By the time they get back to Imagina, the sun begins to set. Tyler hasn’t talked since that moment, and Josh hasn’t left his side. 

Tyler goes to sleep instantly, leaving time for Josh to plan for the next day. 

Josh knows that he has to ease into the conversation because there is something deeply bothering Tyler. There has to be a reason behind why he acted on his suicidal thoughts, and Josh is determined to find this reason, and fix it. 

Josh, personally, is heartbroken to know that Tyler was about to seriously attempt. Josh has been there before, and he knows how exhausting it is to keep fighting. Josh had given up one day too, making an attempt that was unsuccessful. Looking back, Josh is forever grateful that it was unsuccessful, and he needs to find a way to make Tyler feel the same. 

_____

The next morning, the ward is tense as news spreads. Josh and Patrick have a long discussion about their plan and approach. 

Even though Tyler didn’t specifically attempt, there was serious thought behind it, and that’s what management had to focus on. They determined that care would stay the same, but the exposure plan would get altered.

Josh also knows that he has to talk to Tyler about the event today, and that is a conversation that neither of them is ready for. 

With a deep breath, Josh knocks on Tyler’s door before opening it. Stepping into the room, he finds that Tyler is still asleep in a fetal position. 

This puts a smile on Josh’s face as he takes a mental picture of Tyler asleep. It’s a sweet scene where Tyler is truly peaceful. Observation ending, Josh puts his hand on Tyler’s shoulder and slightly shakes him. 

“Ty, get up bud.”

Tyler turns away from Josh and pulls the blanket up past his head, making Josh laugh.

“Dude, c’mon.”

“Mmmnnphh.”

“Get upppp.” Josh says while shaking Tyler harder. 

“Joooosssshhhh.”

“Whhaaaatttt.”

“L’me sleep.” Tyler mumbles, eyes still closed.

“If I’m awake, you’re awake. C’mon, get up.” 

“You’re so annoying.” Tyler complains, opening his eyes and sitting up.

“Yeah, okay. We already established that.” Josh jokes, and Tyler pokes his tongue out at Josh in response. 

The two go through their morning routine as normal, making small chat to pass time. Josh cleared Tyler’s schedule today so he could have a break. More importantly, Josh wants to get to the root of Tyler’s as soon as he can.

Both of them try their best to act normal, but there’s underlying tension that can be seen from miles away.

“Ty? I know this is a bit soon, but I want to help you as fast as possible. I tried to put some things together based on what you told me yesterday. You don’t have to talk, but maybe give me some hints as to if I’m on the right path?” Josh suggests and Tyler responds with a quick nod in agreement. “Okay, so um. I take that the main cause was not being able to feel control? You told me yesterday that you’re sick of people telling you what to do. Is it because you don’t want help or the lack of control?”

“Control.” Tyler mutters, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Okay, so where does the phrase ‘wanting a break’ come in? Do you feel like it’s going too fast? Too repetitive? That what we’re asking you to do isn’t helping?”

“All.”

“Can you expand on that Ty?”

Tyler stares out the window and after a few seconds shakes his head.

“It doesn’t have to be much. I just want to know more about how you feel, so we can fix this. Can you share as much as your comfortable with?”

Tyler draws in a deep breath and rubs his hand over his face before beginning: “Five years Josh. Five years and I’m still here. Five years and I’m still this hopeless case. Five years and I’m sick of trying. Five years is enough time, more than enough. Josh. It’s been five years and I just want to get out of here one way or another.”

“But why run away?”

“I wasn’t trying to run away…” Tyler mumbles.

“What were you trying to do?” Josh asks, anticipating his answer.

“I was trying to die.” Tyler says without uncertainty. 

“And what stopped you?”

“You. It’s always you.”

“So there’s two ways out of here Ty. It’s give up, or keep fighting. The first one dismisses all of the progress that you’ve made and doesn’t allow you to experience future happiness and joy. The second one is harder, but it’s so rewarding. I took the second path and I hope you will too.”

“I don’t want to be here for another five years Josh.” Tyler replies.

“You won’t be. You’ve been making crazy fast progress, so much progress that we’re allowing you to move up in the scale system.”

“Waaa?” Tyler says, dumbfounded.

“Yup. Room decorations and clothing. I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but why not? You deserve it.”

“Seriously?” Tyler exclaims in disbelief.

“Seriously. It’s proof that you are getting better and if you keep working on it, the next thing is getting released.”

“And going to live with you.” Tyler thinks aloud with a smile.

“And coming to live with me.” Josh confirms with a wide grin.

The two of them embrace in a hug (and sneak in a few kisses) before cuddling on the bed with the TV playing spongebob. 

There’s new hope and motivation for the two of them; they’re going to get through this together no matter what.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's where ATL (finally) comes in :)

The next morning, Tyler and Josh brainstormed possible room decorations for Tyler. 

They decided on starting with two band flags: fall out boy and all time low. Additionally, Tyler picked out a couple pairs of clothes to wear (all revolving around sweatshirts, sweatpants, t-shirts, and jeans). 

The minute the hospital was able to get Tyler’s clothes, Tyler immediately changed into black jeans and a black hoodie (drawstring removed of course). 

Tyler has been waiting for this moment for five years. He finally felt a sense of freedom and all he wanted was more. 

Later in the day, they put up the two band flags onto Tyler’s wall and his room has never felt so homey.

Tyler and Josh looked around the room and felt a sense of happiness. They could /see/ Tyler’s progress and it felt good.  
_____

Josh wanted to do something special for Tyler the next day; he wanted to give Tyler that birthday gift that he never got. 

Josh had planned something so spectacular that he sleeps that night with a smile on his face, snuggling next to Jim for company.

After waking up 30 minutes early to meet Alex and Jack in his apartment, Josh quickly tidies up his living room before his doorbell rings.

Josh had known the two for years, and Josh is honestly shocked that Tyler listens to them. They are a small, local band still starting out, and Josh would help them out anytime he could. 

Josh’s efforts only last a couple seconds before he hears the doorbell ring. And ring. And ring over and over again.

“CHILL OUT.” Josh screams at the door, hearing laughter from the other side.

Josh jogs over to the door, and is met with Alex and Jack shoving their way into the apartment.

“Oh my gosh. Chill. Out.” Josh says, closing the door.

All three sit on the couch, and catch up for a bit. 30 minutes later, they are ready to leave. 

On the way to Imagina, Josh has to turn the music all the way down to speak. Alex and Jack yell at him, and Josh gives them the finger before starting his speech:

“Okay guys. Please, don’t screw this up.”

“We never mess up anything.” Alex says.

“No. I never mess up anything. You mess up everything.” Jack responds.

“Okay shut up.” Josh interjects. “The kid’s name is Tyler and he’s 17. I can’t tell you much, but he has anxiety and depression. He’s really anxious around new people, and he’ll probably petrified to meet you guys. He said that your music saved his life. He loves you guys to pieces, but has never gotten to see you at a concert because he’s been hospitalized for so long.”

“Dude. That’s crazy.” Jack says.

“I know.” Josh responds. “He knows all of your songs by heart. Please. I beg you guys. Don’t. Mess. This. Up.”

“Man, you really care about this Tyler, huh?” Alex asks.

“Yes. I love him.”

“OoooOOOooooo.” Jack teases.

“I’m gonna throw you out of this car.” 

“I’d love to see you try.”

Soon enough, all three get to Imagina safely. Jack and Alex travel to Josh’s trunk, and grab their guitars.

“Man we look so rock star.” Jack comments.

“Why did I bring you guys here?” Josh complains.

“What? Are we already too much for you?” Alex teases.

“Again, why did I bring you guys here.” Josh groans while the other two laugh. 

Josh clocks in, and checks Alex and Jack in. Josh hands each of them their own name tag, and they reluctantly put them on. Josh ignores their comments of ‘looking stupid,’ and guides them through the puzzle of hallways. 

Josh eventually gets to the pediatric ward, and tells Alex and Jack to wait in the waiting room while Josh takes care of Tyler first.  
_____

“Hey Ty.” Josh says as he gives Tyler his med cup. “How’s your day going?”

“Horrible.” 

“Why?”

“Brendon.”

“Ah. Woke you up again?”

“Yup. Yanked off the blanket, and shook the bed.”

“Well, I’m sure that feeling will disappear really soon.” Josh hints.

Confused, Tyler looks up at Josh with his eyebrows knitted together.

“It’s your birthday present. So, you know how you like this band? What’s it called again? Sometimes high?”

“Oh shut up.” Tyler chuckles. “What about them? Did you finally contact them??”

“Yup.”

“What’d they say?!” Tyler asks eagerly, nearly jumping off the bed.

“Alex and Jack may or may not be down the hallway in the waiting room…”

“WHAT?!?!”

“You heard right.”

“Oh my god. Oh my god.” Tyler exclaims jumping off his bed out of excitement, but soon begins to panic. “OH MY GOD JOSH I CAN’T DO THIS.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t meet them. I can’t do this Josh.” Tyler says as tears well up in his eyes.

“What makes you think that?”

“I can barely meet random people, nonetheless my heroes. Josh I can’t. I want to, but I can’t.”

“Uhh.” Josh thinks aloud. “What if we work up to it?”

“What?”

“What if you start by talking through the door, and see where things go?”

“That’s stupid.”

“Well, it’s the best option to progress to face to face conversation. It’ll be just fine Ty. Okay?”

“Okay…”

“Alright, I’m gonna go get them.”

About three minutes after Josh walks out of the room, Tyler hears strained whispers behind the door. 

Petrified is an understatement for how Tyler feels at the moment. Tyler feels on the verge of barfing, screaming, and running. The anticipation was driving his anxiety off the walls, and he isn’t sure how much more he can take of this. 

Josh opening the door slightly momentarily distracts Tyler from his panic. 

“Okay Ty. Alex and Jack are on the other side of the door, and they’re really excited to talk to you. Wanna get off the bed, and sit next to the door?”

Tyler hesitates before whispering: “Josh, ‘m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of Ty. They’re normal people. They’re really excited to meet you. They even brought their guitars to play a bit for you if you want.”

“Really?”

“Really. You get to pick all of the songs too.” Josh says with a genuine smile.

This gets Tyler to jump off the bed, and onto the floor next to the closed door.

“What do I do?” Tyler asks Josh in a hushed voice.

“Just talk like you normally do bud. Here, I’ll go first.” Josh says as he takes a seat next to Tyler. “Yo! Alex? Jack?”

“Yo!” The both of them reply.

“Oh my god. Josh. They’re here. They’re right behind the door. My. I. Josh.” Tyler begins to hyperventilate.

“Ty. Breathe. Everything’s going to be okay. You’re doing great!” Josh encourages before he gets cut off from Alex.

“Um. Sorry for interrupting? I don’t know, I haven’t really talked through a door before…” Alex rambles.

“Get to the point.” Jack nags.

“Geez okay. Um. Tyler?”

“Y-ye-ah?” Tyler manages to stutter out.

“Okay, hey, this is Alex. Bud, please don’t be scared. We’re just normal people, and we’re really excited to meet you. Josh is one of our best friends, and if he loves you, we already love you. It’s crazy that you actually like our music, it means the world to us. Just. Just talk to us like you’re talking to Josh. I promise you that we’re not scary. Or, well. I’m not scary, but I can’t speak for Jack.”

A split second later, Tyler and Josh hear a grunt from the other side of the door. 

“Okay fine, Jack isn’t scary.” Alex corrects. “Now can you please stop punching me?”

This makes Tyler and Josh laugh, and Tyler tries to form words together.

“Um. I. Thanks? I can’t believe that I’m actually talking to you guys. Your music has truly saved my life, so thank you. I can’t express how much you guys mean to me. This has to be a dream. I. I can’t even process this right now.”

“Well, I gotta say that hearing that our music has saved your life means so much to Jack and I. We write music to help us and others through tough times, and I’m so glad that it has helped you in such a profound way.” Alex says.

“Hey, so uh. Is it okay if we come into the room? This nurse is like staring us down…” Jack awkwardly asks.

Josh looks over to Tyler to ask for permission, and Tyler timidly nods.

“Uh, sure, just hold on for a sec.” Josh says as he gets off the floor himself then helps Tyler up. 

Josh opens the door slowly while Tyler jumps onto his bed, bracing himself for meeting the two in person.

Alex and Jack walk through the door slowly, holding their guitars to their side. They look around the room before both of them lock eyes with Tyler.

There was so much uncertainty in the room. Neither knew what to say, or do. This results in the three of them awkwardly darting eyes around the room, trying to figure out what to do while Josh closes the door. 

“Geez, stop being so awkward.” Josh says as he sits a foot away from Tyler on the bed. “Why don’t we talk about your music. Ty? Favorite song?”

“Oh, um. That’s really hard. I’d probably go with missing you.”

“Oh yeah, that was one of my favorites to write.” Alex says, smiling at the memory. 

“Tyler, Josh told us that you sing and play the piano. We were wondering if you’d like to play some songs with us…” Jack outright asks.

“I-I. That sounds amazing, but I’ll be too nervous…”

“That’s no problem. You don’t have to play perfectly, and you don’t have to sing. We can just play for you, but we thought you’d have more fun playing along.” Alex reassures Tyler. 

“Ty, what if you just start off with the piano, and sing if you want to?” Josh suggests. 

Tyler is hesitant, but eventually nods in agreement, and goes to plug in his keyboard. 

“Tyler, we’ll let you pick the songs. Any specific one you want to do first?” Alex asks.

“C-can we do afterglow?” Tyler asks shyly.

“Of course we can!!” Jack responds. “You know the chords?”

“Jack, ya stupid. Why would he ask to play it if he didn’t?” Alex comments.

“Y’all, shut it.” Josh intervenes. “Go play, I want some quality music.”

“Shut up.” All three respond, making the whole room burst into laughter.  
_____

The three of them play songs for hours, and even start playing covers from other bands. Josh eventually joined in by drumming on the bedside table. 

It was like a mini concert in Tyler’s room, and Tyler couldn’t be happier. He met his idols, and it was everything he dreamed of. 

As the day drew to a close, Tyler, Alex, and Jack bonded with each other extremely well. Despite still being starstruck, Tyler became friends with Alex and Jack. 

Once visitor hours ended, they all promised to hang out again soon, and Tyler said a sincere goodbye to Alex and Jack.   
_____

Tyler was still riding the adrenaline of playing with his favorite band. He couldn’t stop thanking Josh for the rest of the night, and Josh couldn’t be happier about how the interaction went. 

Tyler slept extremely well that night, and Josh had the biggest smile stuck to his face. Both boys were the happiest that they’ve been in a while, and neither of them wanted it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all there's 2 more chapters left (I didn't plan on ending it on chap 21 lol. It just worked out that way). Big thanks to everyone who has followed the story and a huge thanks to those who left comments and kudos. I love hearing from you guys <33


	20. Chapter 20

“Morning Ty.”

“Hi Josh.” Tyler replies, sitting up on the bed.

“How’re you doing?”

“Okay. I’m really digging these room decorations.” 

“Me too man.”

“What’re we doing today?”

“I want to move on with your exposure plan, but I’m gonna let you choose the activity.”

“Really?”

“Really. I’m trying to make this as easy for you as possible, so here’s your chance at control.”

“Thanks Josh.”

“Of course. So I have two options for you: we can take a walk through the ward again or we can take a walk through the park outside.”

“There’s a park outside?”

“Yeah, it’s really nice. It was my favorite place to go when I was inpatient.”

“Can we go together?”

“Of course! You wanna go now?”

“Um. I don’t know. It sounds cool, but I’m scared.”

“I know it’s scary, but I’m going to be with you the whole time. It’s really nice and peaceful.”

“O-Okay.”

“Awesome. Let me just check with Patrick for clearance and we’ll be on our way.”

Hesitant, Tyler asks: “Can I go with you? I-I don’t want to be alone.”

“Sure! Let’s go Ty.” Josh says, extended his arm out to Tyler.

They walk down to Patrick’s office hand in hand.

Once they get to Patrick’s office, Josh opens the door for Tyler to go in first, but Tyler waits for Josh to go in first.

It’s not an act of kindness; Tyler wants Josh to go in first because Tyler is scared. Josh registers this and walks in first with Tyler trailing behind him. 

“Hey Pat.” Josh greets, taking a seat in the first chair.

“Hey Dun.” Patrick responds, not looking up from his computer until he sees a second figure take a seat. Looking up, Patrick is surprised by Tyler’s presence: “Oh, hi Tyler.”

“Hi.” Tyler responds, fiddling with his fingers in the chair. 

“So.” Josh starts. “I was wondering if you could give us clearance to go down to the park for a bit?”

“Oh, for sure. Can you just fill out this clearance form?”

“Yeah.” Josh says, grabbing Patrick’s pen.

“And Tyler?” Patrick starts. 

“Mhm?” Tyler mumbles, looking up from his hands.

“Can you confirm that you will not run away, hurt yourself, hurt someone else, and will follow all instructions from Josh when you’re out of the ward?”

“Yeah.” Tyler breathes out, slightly uncomfortable.

“Here’s the form Pat.” Josh says as he slides the paper across the desk.

“Awesome. Just check back in with me when you get back.”

“Mhm.” Josh responds and gets a ‘have fun’ from Patrick as Tyler and Josh head out of the door.   
_____

Once outside, Tyler clings to Josh’s arm, making the greatest possible distance between him and other people. 

Josh guides them down the trail and Tyler observes the trees and sun. They eventually sit down on a bench and Tyler snuggles close to Josh.

“You know, this is my favorite bench in the entire world.” Josh states with a smile.

“Why?” Tyler asks curiously.

“I’m not sure. It’s so relaxing and I’ve had some really good moments here. I hope you will too, Ty. It’ll be our special bench.”

“I’m glad you’re sharing it with me.” Tyler chuckles. 

“It’s the least I could do.” Josh replies, staring off into the trees and pond. “I used to come here all the time when I was in Imagina. It was like my little escape.”

“It’s nice.” Tyler adds.

The both of them stay cuddled up with each other, watching people walk by and trees sway along with the wind. 

Too soon, the relaxing part of the trip is over and the challenging part begins.

“Okay Ty, ima give you two choices for your exposure task today.” Josh states, adjusting his position on the bench to face Tyler. 

“Waa?” Tyler asks as he turns his head towards Josh. “I thought coming out here was it.”

“How is that exposure?”

“I don’t know! That’s why I picked it!” Tyler emphasizes with dramatic hand movements.

“Mmm. Your three choices are: to talk to a stranger or play with a little kid.”

“Josh! I-I can’t.” Tyler splurts out.

“Yes you can Ty. I’m right here with you, always.”

“J-josh I don’t wanna.” Tyler pleads, tears forming in his eyes.

“Ty, I know it’s hard, but I wouldn’t ask you to do something that I don’t think you can do. Many of the people at this park are either patients or families of patients. They’re all nice.”

“Josh I can’t people. People and me don’t go together. I can’t Josh.” Tyler blabbers out, a teardrop falling down his left cheek.

“Ty.” Josh exhales compassionately, embracing Tyler in a hug. “Ty, you know that I got you. The sooner you face and overcome this fear, the faster we can go explore life together. I know it’s scary, but we’ll take it one step at a time. Can you choose one of the options for me?”

“Um. I don’t wanna.”

“I know you don’t want to, but you’re going to have to. You gotta choose one Ty.”

“P-play with a kid?”

“Good choice! Let’s walk over to the pond.”

“Mmph.” Tyler responds as the two of them detach from the hug and walk to the pond hand in hand. 

“Hey, Ty. You see that little girl feeding the ducks?”

“Mmm.”

“Wanna go introduce ourselves?” Josh suggests, trying to initiate the task along with offering Tyler a sense of authority.

“N-no.”

“Tyler.” Josh says expectantly.

“Fine.” 

“Good, let’s go.” 

The two travel closer to the pond and the girl who is feeding the ducks.

Josh makes the first introduction, knowing not to push Tyler too far: “Hey there! Those ducks are really cute huh?”

“They’re adorable!” The little girl, dressed in a yellow dress, responds. “I wish I could be a duck!”

“That would be pretty cool… my name’s Josh and that’s Tyler. Do you mind if we hang out with you for a bit?”

“Mhmm. I’ve seen you around the hospital.” Yellow says.

“Really?”

“Yeah! My brother is in there, but I’m bored, so I came for the ducks.”

“That’s a wise choice.” Josh replies with a chuckle.

“Do you work in the hospital too?” Yellow asks Tyler, catching him off guard.

“Oh. Um, not really.”

“What do you mean?” Yellow asks curious.

“I um. I’m a patient in the hospital.” Tyler mumbles in response to the little girl.

“Oh! That’s cool. Are you two friends?”

“Y-yeah.” Tyler answers with a smile.

“You two look like good friends.” Yellow states. “Wanna feed the ducks with me?!” She asks with excitement.

“Sure!” Josh responds on behalf of the both of them and takes the piece of bread Yellow offers them. 

The two of them spend the next hour feeding the ducks. Yellow is a sweet, talkative girl that make Tyler and Josh laugh. Tyler is able to speak to Yellow for a decent amount and Josh couldn’t be more proud.

Once the sun begins to set, they say goodbye and the two boys head back into the hospital.

Josh checks in with Patrick on the way down the hallway and meets Tyler back in his room.

“How you doin?” Josh asks, carrying Tyler’s dinner on a plastic tray.

“Good.”

“Good! That girl was really cute, huh?”

“Yeah.” Tyler breathes out smiling.

“You did so well Ty. I’m so so proud of you.” Josh says, sitting down next to Tyler.

“Thanks Josh. Thanks for sticking with me.”

“There’s nothing else I’d rather do. We’re gonna get outta here soon Ty, there’s hope and we’re so close that we can see it.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait.” Tyler replies, scoping a bite of mashed potatoes into his mouth.  
_____

Once Tyler finishes his dinner, the two of them cuddle until Tyler falls asleep.

Josh spends the next two hours completing paperwork before heading home. 

Josh meant what he said about the hope. At this pace, Tyler could get released after five more days of steady exposure progress and no major incidents. 

The runaway a couple of days ago didn’t categorize as a dangerous attempt. Instead, it got labeled as a serious depressive episode, something that wouldn’t hurt the status of Tyler’s release. 

Of course, he’d have to stay in the outpatient program, but Josh couldn’t believe the possibility of finally showing the world to Tyler. 

The two of them can see the finish line, and they want nothing more than to sprint their way through it, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's one more chapter left! Whaaaattt?! But fear not! I will be creating a sequel of one shots, and I'll talk more about that in the a/n in chap 21
> 
> Until then, thanks for sticking around and I love all of ya <33 |-/


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're here. The last chapter of tmh! Enjoy :)

That morning, Josh designs an ideal five day plan that will lead to Tyler’s release if completed. 

This is Josh’s absolute favorite part of his job; he loves seeing the progress and final push before patients leave Imagina. 

It’s a rewarding feeling, knowing that he is able to help someone enough for them to get back into the world.

Josh’s plan for the next five days gets finalized by Patrick, he writes it up formally.  
_____

Day 1: Walk through the ward and interact with other patients

Day 2-5: Eat meals in the ward common room 

Day 3-5: Attend ward sessions, meetings, and groups

Day 4: Communicate with an unfamiliar patient

Day 5: Communicate with a stranger at the park  
_____

The five day plan is not a ‘cure all’ plan; it’s a plan to start and show the fundamental skills Tyler will need to live in the outside world.

Imagina, unlike other hospitals, release their patients when they first show behaviors of overcoming their fears and being mostly stable. Rather than making them prove their behaviors for weeks on end, a steady increase over a five day period for Imagina shows the stability and advancement of the patient. 

Because of this, Imagina’s policy is release after a successful five day plan under the requirement of the patient being under careful watch for the next two weeks.  
_____

Day 1:

Tyler had a good night and wakes up with Josh shaking his shoulder. After their morning routine, Patrick stops by to inform Tyler on his five day plan. 

Tyler is uneasy at first, but accepts it because the possibility of being discharged gives him hope. Once Patrick leaves, Tyler and Josh get ready to leave the room. 

They start by walking down the hallway, waving to the staff along the way. They eventually get to the common room and Josh encourages Tyler to join the game of foosball. 

After a lot of convincing, Tyler ends up talking to a group of patients and connects with them; he spends the rest of the day playing different games with them.  
_____

Day 2: 

Josh wakes Tyler up a little earlier than normal to get him ready for eating meals in the common room. 

After 20 minutes of talking through worries and concerns, they head out of the room. 

Tyler walks down the hallway clinging onto Josh’s arm with a death grip out of fear. 

Once they get to the common room, Josh helps Tyler pick up his tray of food and the two of them eat breakfast at their own table.

When it comes to lunch, Tyler gets invited to eat with the kids that he hung out with yesterday. Josh watches proudly from afar as Tyler further connects with the patients.

Tyler and Josh talk during the afternoon and Tyler rejoins his new group of friends for dinner.  
_____

Day 3: 

After breakfast, Tyler and Josh hang out in Tyler’s room for a bit before they leave once again for morning session. 

Tyler stands outside of the common room for a few minutes, trying to ground his panic attack when one of his friends invites him to sit in the circle. Receiving a slight push from Josh, Tyler joins the morning session, but doesn’t contribute.

In the afternoon, Tyler joins the ward’s art project. 

They are doing splatter paintings and Tyler gets a little carried away, ending up with paint spots all over himself and Josh. 

After dinner, Tyler attends the night session and contributes once to the conversation.   
_____

Day 4:

Walking into the common room, Tyler stops in the doorway, knowing that he has to interact with someone new today. Tyler has a sense of security in his established friend group, and he doesn’t want to leave that safety bubble. 

Josh stays with Tyler, watching Tyler pace back and forth. Once the repeated steps become dizzying, Josh stabilizes Tyler and tries to pick out a possible candidate for conversation.

After much reluctance, Tyler finds himself walking towards a group of kids solving a puzzle. Josh following a few steps behind him, Tyler stands awkwardly next to the group, trying to get words out of his mouth.

Managing to introduce himself, Tyler begins to help the kids with the puzzle. Once 20 minutes pass, Tyler is able to work himself up to speak; once 40 minutes pass, Tyler is having small conversations with the group; once an hour passes, Tyler has fluid conversations with the kids, laughing included.  
_____

Day 5:

Josh wakes Tyler up early, heading out to the park minutes after breakfast ends. The two find themselves on the familiar bench, hanging out in the crisp weather. 

Tyler watches countless strangers walk by, each sparking panic. 

Josh waits for Tyler to gather himself in order to complete his last exposure task. Josh is there for support and nothing else because Tyler has to complete this out of his own wants. 

The two sit on the bench for half an hour before Josh slightly nudges Tyler as a gentle push. Five minutes later, Tyler slowly gets up from the bench and walks toward the pond.

Hands wringing and body shaking, Tyler approaches a teenage boy, sitting beside the pond. 

The boy looks up from his phone when Tyler makes the faintest noise. Tyler in a state of panic, stutters out an introduction and receives a smile from the boy in response. 

They continue to make small talk on the park and scenery. After a ten minute conversation, Tyler says goodbye to the boy and practically runs back to Josh.

The two of them have the biggest grins on their face. Josh has never been more proud of Tyler and Tyler was in disbelief himself. They skip back to the hospital out of pure joy and the two of them celebrate that night with a TV marathon and ice cream that Josh snuck in.  
_____

The sixth day consists of paperwork and arrangements for Tyler’s release while the seventh day is just waiting for everything to get cleared. 

The night of the seventh day is filled with excitement and nerves for the upcoming morning; the next morning, Tyler is getting discharged and is going to live with Josh.  
_____

“Ty! Hurry up!” Josh yells down the hallway from Patrick’s office.

“I am!!” Tyler yells back, throwing his clothes into his bag and gathering his last minute belongings.

“Hey.” Josh greets, panting in the doorway.

“Hey.” Tyler laughs out in return.

“Ready?” Josh asks, grabbing the last of the bags.

“Yeah, I can’t believe this is happening.”

“I know right?! All that work has paid off Ty and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“Thanks Josh.” Tyler says as he pecks Josh on the cheek.

Their moment gets interrupted by a bang on the door.

“YO LOVEBIRDS. C’MON.” Brendon yells in the doorway.

“Bren, the door is open. You don’t have to scream.” Josh says, still adjusting to the ringing in his ears.

“Yeah, yeah. This is a no hate zone Dun.” Brendon replies. “Now hurry, Patrick says that they have to get this room ready for another patient coming tonight.”

“We’re going. Calm down.” Josh responds, shoeing Brendon away.

Tyler and Josh do a quick last minute scan of the room to see if they missed anything. 

Grabbing their bags, Tyler and Josh begin to head out of the door, but Tyler stops abruptly in the doorway. 

“Everything okay Ty?”

“Yeah, yeah. I just. I really can’t believe that I’m finally leaving. It’s bittersweet.”

“Yeah. It feels like home, huh?”

“Ha, yeah. It actually does.”

“Well, you know that you can come back to visit anytime. Plus, I was thinking about the possibility of us having you as our in house musician since music is so essential to the patients’ recoveries.”

“Wait seriously?” Tyler asks with excitement. “That’d be amazing Josh.”

“Yeah, I gotta talk to Patrick about it later, but until then, off we go Ty-o!”

“Oh my.” Tyler chuckles. “Stop that.”

“Never!” Josh says playfully, grabbing the last of the bags and booting Tyler out of the doorway.

The two of them continue walking down the hallway, stopping at reception to sign the release forms for Tyler. The receptionist cuts off Tyler’s inpatient wristband, making Tyler go into a state of disbelief. 

After five years, Tyler is finally stable enough to get discharged; after five years, Tyler is finally hopeful and excited for what the future holds.

Tyler and Josh continue walking to the hospital entrance where they are greeted by Patrick, Pete, and Brendon.

They all exchange heartfelt goodbyes before walking to Josh’s car. Putting their bags in the trunk, Tyler hops into the passenger seat and waves goodbye when they drive off. 

On the way to Josh’s apartment, Tyler simply stares out of the window in awe, watching the city buildings, street lights, and trees pass.

Josh plays his music through the car radio and gently hums along, tapping his fingers along to the beat on his steering wheel when possible.

When they get closer to Josh’s apartment, Josh’s voice breaks Tyler’s concentration: “Hey, Ty?”

“Hmm?” Tyler responds, pulling his gaze to Josh from the window.

“We’re almost to my apartment and I wanted to just give you a heads up on what to expect.” Josh says, knowing that it’ll decrease Tyler’s anxiety about new places. “So most importantly, I have a dog. His name is Jim and he’s an ESA. You’ll love him.”

“Wait, really?” Tyler responds, shocked.

“Yeah. It that okay?” Josh asks, scared of the answer.

“What? Yeah, yeah. I just didn’t know you had a dog. What kind?”

“Golden Retriever.”

“Aww! I can’t wait to meet Jim.”

“I’m so glad, Ty.” Josh smiles, as he takes a turn into his neighborhood. “I live on the second floor, apartment 208. It has one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room. It’s pretty simple, but it has what’s needed.”

Tyler nods in response and Josh parks his car. They grab their bags and start to head up the stairs and towards his apartment. 

“Cute plant.” Tyler playfully comments, looking at the sad looking fern as Josh digs for his keys.

“I’m pretty sure that’s sarcastic, but I’m gonna take it as a complement, so thank you.” Josh retorts, opening his apartment door.

They both chuckle as they drop their bags and Jim immediately runs up to Tyler out of curiosity. Tyler drops down to his knees and has the biggest smile on his face.

“Oh my gosh. Hi Jim! I’m Tyler. You’re so cute!!” Tyler comments as he rubs Jim’s head.

“Well, I know the apartment is not much, but I hope it’ll do.” Josh says, standing beside Jim.

“It’s amazing Josh, thank you.” Tyler responds, getting up from the floor and kissing Josh.

“Welcome home Ty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking around. I've put my heart and soul into this story and it has gotten me through one of the roughest moments of my life; I hope it has helped you guys too
> 
> But fear not! I love this au so much that I will be creating a sequel of one shots for tmh. This way, you guys are able to get glimpses of any event of anytime in the world of tmh. Any stories, memories, and events from before or after the plot of tmh that you wish you could know, I'll write it! Just comment your prompt and I'll get on it
> 
> In fact, the first story of the sequel is already up! The sequel is listed as 'take my hand - unseen' and should be listed in the same series as this one
> 
> <33


End file.
